How to bake the perfect.....

[kuhio98]

Forgot to tell you about the project I worked on my last R&R from Prudhoe Bay.

I decided I was going to make fresh, organic sourdough bread from scratch. So….

Day 1 ~ Surfed the web for a sourdough starter recipe. Found one that was made from crushed grapes. That sounded interesting, so I downloaded it. http://www.angelfire.com/ab/bethsbre...peStarter.html

Day 2 ~ Went shopping and bought supplies. Sorted through several pounds of organic grapes to get just the right ones.

Day 3 ~ Crushed the grapes in the cheesecloth and mixed up the starter.

Day 4 ~ Stirred the starter. Decided that the house might not be warm enough for fermenting, so I got the bright idea to warm up the snuggle-safe http://www.drsfostersmith.com/produc...=1&pCatId=3487 in the microwave and set the container on it to stay warm.

Day 5 ~ Stirred the starter. Looks like it’s starting to ferment! Used the snuggle-safe again.

Day 6 ~ Fed the starter with warm water and flour.

Day 7 ~ Stirred…. Snuggle-safe……

Day 8 ~ Repeat of Day 7

Day 9 ~ Repeat of Day 6

Day 10 ~ Downloaded recipes for sourdough bread. Oooooo, it’s getting close now!

Day 11 ~ Bought a clay cooker – highly recommended for bread baking for getting the crust just right!

Day 12 ~ Today’s the day! Measured out the starter. Mixed in the flour. And the water. Kneaded kneaded kneaded - rise – punch down – rise rise rise and into the clay cooker that had been soaked in water for just the right length of time at just the right temperature into the pre-heated oven. Got out the butter, planned dinner around fresh, baked sourdough bread!

The house smelled heavenly! The bread was toasty and golden! Yes, I had indeed baked the perfect…………..
















BRICK!

That sucker was so hard that if the pharaohs had built their tombs with them, they would have never been broken into!
(Bobcat didn't dare laugh or I could have killed him if I threw the bread at him.)

Day 13 ~ Drove to the store and bought the damn bread!



I’m thinking about baking sourdough biscuits next time. My plan is to sell them to the NHL.

[Randi]

Oh no - all that work, and you end up with a murder weapon. If it's any consolation, my bread tend to not rise very well, that is, the second time around.

[DrKym]

The first year I made Thanksgiving dinner at MY house (being all grown up and with kids) everything turned out perfect...........until someone mentioned there were no biscuits........in absolute horror I realized I had place the homemade sourdough biscuits back in the overn to "warm"




They were used after dinner as weapons in snowball fights, they had turned out so hard even the rotties we had at the time couldn't crunch them!

[Killearn Kitties]

Bobcat has admirable self-control. I am hysterical here!

I do sympathise, I really do, but what a hilarious story.

[critter crazy]

Roflmao!!!!:d :d

[kuhio98]

Oh no - all that work, and you end up with a murder weapon. If it's any consolation, my bread tend to not rise very well, that is, the second time around.

Randi ~ I used to have the same problem. I found that if I put cooler water into the yeast, it would rise. Evidently, I had been putting in too hot of water and it was killing the yeast.

[Freedom]

**giggle, chuckle** Oh my, how frustating! **sniggle, chortle**

[joycenalex]

snort giggle, wiping my eyes. thanks for the great story.do you know why the bread go to brick?....and will you be doing any more door stops....giggle

[krazyaboutkatz]

LOL What a funny story. I'm sorry that things didn't work out. I don't have the patience for stuff like this so I just go buy it.

[kuhio98]

snort giggle, wiping my eyes. thanks for the great story.do you know why the bread go to brick?....and will you be doing any more door stops....giggle

I think the problem was the clay cooker.
To get a nice crust on bread, sometimes you put some water in the oven or even spray water in the oven occasionally. With the clay cooker, you soak it in water then put the dough in and cook. The water slowly evaporates as it cooks to create the crust. Also, now that I read further, I was not supposed to pre-heat the oven. Since I did, I guess the moisture was released too quickly and created a "super" crust.

Well, I got crust all right! Crust so tough you needed a hacksaw to break into it.

Other uses for Lisa's bread (feel free to add your own)
1. Replace damaged tiles on space shuttle.
2. ?

[Gin]

Just found this thread now. Kuhio98, I don't mean to laugh at your misfortunes, but Oh my God, that was hilarious!

I've never been brave enough to try baking bread from scratch, but I recently baked organic wholegrain scones, and they turned out very much like your bread. Not only were they as hard as diamonds, but they tasted like cardboard and ashes.

Around here, we are too cheap to throw out anything, so all the scones had to be eaten. The procedure is as follows:

1. Laboriously saw each scone in half, using a bread knife.

2. Pile on the butter and jam to make it edible.

3. Chew and swallow scone, being careful not to chip off any tooth enamel.

After a week of this, we fed the rest of the scones to the birds. I can only assume the rain and dew softened the scones to the extent that the birds were able to pick apart and swallow them.

Anyway, the point of all this is, you are not alone!

[DJFyrewolf36]

Im one of those people that can royally mess up canned biscuts, so I sympathise completely! My dad bakes bread from scratch and learned quickly not to let me touch ANYTHING lol.

Im glad your hubby had some self control. Mine can't contain his laughter when I encounter culinary disasters

[kuhio98]

After a week of this, we fed the rest of the scones to the birds. I can only assume the rain and dew softened the scones to the extent that the birds were able to pick apart and swallow them.

Thank goodness! I would hate for a poor birdy to crack a beak!