The relationship between Luna and Lily is getting somewhat problematic (pix added #9)

[Kirsten]

Well, I can see a tendency here that Luna is getting more and more stressed by Lily. I'll try to give you a brief impression of what is going on here, but I fear this is going to be long...

Anyway, since Lily moved in here in 2003 at the age of 11 weeks (Luna was 3 at that point), she choose Luna as her mother figure. Luna accepted her new role, and even let her suckle for more that three years (I don't know if she's still doing that, but I haven't seen it for a while). But when they interact in any way, it was (and still is) always Lily who makes the start.

For a while now I notice that Luna is getting more and more impatient. There's a lot of hissing and growling from her now, and in the end, she's always the one who walks away. I witnessed scenes when Lily jumped onto Luna's back, only because she wanted to play, or because she was jealous when Luna was lying next to me.

Apart from that, Lily is stalking Luna in a very subtle way. Many times a day Luna cannot do a single step without being followed by Lily. Or Lily interferes her actions. For example yesterday, when Luna jumped onto the table and Lily has watched her from the other side of the table, and the moment she jumped, Lily jumped on the table from the other side. Of course Luna got startled and fled. I felt so sorry for her. You have to know, Luna is not a very active girl, it takes a lot of pondering and considering before she decides to do something, and Lily's behavior doesn't make it easier for her.

There's also this jealousy thing going on between them. None of them can stand it when the other one is near me. Two nights ago, Luna came into my bed and just wanted to lay down when she saw that Lily was already in my bed, lying next to my feet. She just growled and whined - and left the room. My heart broke for her.

I don't know what to do. A while ago, I read an article in a German cat magazine, saying that when the stress factor is getting too high for one cat, it's better to rehome the other. But I don't want to do that. Besides, there are still many times when I see them together. They always sleep close to each other when I'm coming home from work. But it seems that Luna more and more needs her breaks from Lily. I know, on the other hand, that Lily couldn't live without Luna. A couple of days ago, when I left the house with Luna because she went to the vet, Lily whined and acted very upset.

I'd love to know what's going on in their heads. What would I give to know what they are thinking and feeling! I'm even thinking about contacting Nancy, the animal psychic who has already "read" some PT pets.

I'd wish I'd know if Luna remembers her first three years when she was alone with me, and I wonder if she wants that time back. And I wonder if Lily feels that there is this strong bond between Luna and me, and if it's making her upset. Maybe this is why she's acting this way. (don't get this wrong, Lily is always friendly and sweet, I never saw her acting aggressive or mean, but I think she's smarter than Luna , and more athletic, and she seems to have gotten aware of that lately).

And don't think that I don't love Lily, I do, but I just can't help it that Luna has this very special place in my heart. Maybe it is because she has all these health problems, and because we were on our own for three years. Anyway, to Luna, I'm her mommy, and she's mommy's girl. I'm sure Lily is frustrated about this at times, but she never shows it to me, she's always sweet and charming.

So what do you think about this? Do you think this situation is getting alarming, or is it something that sounds familiar to you? Cats really are "little people with fur and tails", they really act like children, don't they?

Kirsten

[sasvermont]

I suspect Luna and Lily both want you and only you. I have found that my cats are much happier when I have company and they can all get their individual attention, not from me alone. I think there is always a rivalry going on in my house and it is worse when I am alone, which is most of the time. They all want to be "queen bee" and it just isn't possible.

I would wait for a comment from someone with lots of cats. They must have it down to a science; I do not. My cats fight quite a bit and I don't do anything expect tell them to stop and clap my hands. Juni and Miley are the worst at this game.

Miley, the oldest cat, has always thought she should be mine and vice versa since day one. She accepted the other cats, but I am sure, would prefer having me all to herself. She is always at a full rate jealous mood and it is just part of her personality/complex. I think that her personality has effected her health as well, but that is just a guess.

I don't know what to tell you except you are not alone. I suspect lots of us have the same problem. It happens with skin kids too!

Maybe a little kitty prozac for the older cat? Miley takes meds but not for her silly personality, not yet anyway!

Can you distract the younger cat and then pay additional attention to the older one?

I usually just tell them to "oh stop"........treats for everyone someones help!

[aki]

is it just me, or does it seem that female cats seem to have harder times getting along with other female cats? they seem more apt to be jealous too.

kinda like most women i know! LOL!

~ Aki

[Felicia's Mom]

is it just me, or does it seem that female cats seem to have harder times getting along with other female cats? they seem more apt to be jealous too.

~ Aki

I have had 3 male and 2 female cats. One female (Felicia) would not get along with any cat-male or female. The other female (Shadow) tried to get along with any other cat.

[Medusa]

Two of my males, Specs and Boo, have the same problem. Specs does exactly the same things as Lily does and Boo becomes so impatient! And if Boo sits next to me on the sofa, Specs has to jump up on the other side of me and actually put his arm around me like a man would! I had thought on more than one occasion of rehoming Specs because he was a newbie and I've had Boo since he was approx. 4 months old; he's now 15. But then, I'll come home from work and find the two of them sleeping side by side like buddies. So I've just learned that when Boo has had enough of Specs' theatrics, he lets him know or I do and then all is well. I do have both of them on Clomicalm, though.

[Kirsten]

Medusa, that's interesting!! This really sounds a lot like Luna and Lily, and it's most likely an attention thing, with a lot of jealousy included! Silly kitties!

Boris is another sensitive girl. She spends most of her time alone in the dining room or in the kitchen on top of the fridge. She and Sophie used to be the best of buddies and were together all the time, but since I moved into my house, they act like they hate each other, which I totally don't understand.

Jenn, that is really strange. Maybe after the move, when they all had to claim their new territories, they couldn't agree about that? That is the only thing that makes some sense to me here...

Kirsten

[Cataholic]

My problem has never been the girls. It has always been the boys. Tex could be aggressive, and Monte is totally aggressive.

Kirsten, I wonder what goes on during the day. Could you use a tape recorder and see if there is anything? If it is true that it is only when you are home, then, I am thinking of something Cesar Milan says/does with dogs.

When Lilly stalks, and you intervene, you are "rewarding" her with attention- your attention. How do you break things up? Clap? Use some other sound device? Do you go to Luna, and comfort her?

[rosethecopycat]

is it just me, or does it seem that female cats seem to have harder times getting along with other female cats? they seem more apt to be jealous too.

Known as Female Feline Rivalry.
My friend is going through this now too. Two female cats, close in age (within 5 years) tend to have problems, even if they get along initially, or even for years, these things crop up with the girls.

I would try vanilla on the base of their tails. Both cats.
The brushing is another good idea.

I don't think your situation is really desperate, at this point. They just need to relearn some behavior, and change some habits and work it out.

[Kirsten]

Vanilla on the base of their tails? Never heard about that, but it could be worth a try...

I don't think your situation is really desperate, at this point

No, I don't think so either, but I'm sure it lessens at least Luna's life quality to a certain degree.

Kirsten

[barncat]

If Lily is about 3 or 4 now, in a feral cat community (if she survived) she would be establishing her own space, probably still connected to her mom, but already an experienced "queen" of her own brood... She is pushing to establish herself as a dominant personality. It doesn't matter all that much that she is fixed and has no kittensm she's still in the I'm as grown as you mom... so I get to be boss sometimes mode. Usually mother/daughters will work it out without too much drama. (My girls will bat each other and swear and then cuddle down...Except Amelia but that's another story.) Give them both plentyof love but I would advise petting Luna first and giving her attention that shows you (as the queen mother) support her postion.

[Kirsten]

Well, I'm also alone most of the time. It doesn't happen very often that I have company, and when I have, Lily is always trying to get their attention; jumps into their laps or is sniffing their faces. Luna doesn't do that, and this is why visitors always refer to Lily as the "friendlier" and "sweeter" cat.

I was also thinking about Luna's UTI problems being related to this, but she had them before (before Lily moved in). And even though both of them probably want my full attention when I'm home, I think it's better for them not to live as single cats because I'm working 40 hours a week (and sometimes even more).

Luna is currently on Relaxan, on which my vet put much hope, but so far, it's not working. The next thing I will try are Bachflower remedies; they helped Peggy a lot with her anxiety problems.

Kirsten

[Kirsten]

is it just me, or does it seem that female cats seem to have harder times getting along with other female cats?

Hm, I don't know, I never had males. Would be interesting to hear what others think about this.

Kirsten

[catmandu]

I know that for years The Princess and Precious had a real fued gong with lots of snarls and hisses.
But after her Dear Shemp passed on ,then they actually became friends.Thats really the only rivalry as they really do get along.
That must be terrible to have Two Cats in an apartment and have this fighting. we pray that they can become friends again.

[Catty1]

Okay, Kirsten - the next male kitten you meet....

The psychic, Nancy Efrusy, is on holidays for about another 10 days, I think. But see Marketplace for Michael, a pet psychologist in Vienna - basic services are no charge. That might be an idea.