I called in sick yesterday because I had this pain in my left chest, and I was afraid it might be heart-related, so I went to the doctor. When she looked at me, she immediately stated that I was in a very poor condition. I told her that I just don't know what's wrong with me, that I'm feeling so ill and exhausted and tired. I literally broke down that moment and told her how my life is during the last years (this immense pressure at work, and no private life at all, I even gave up on photographing half a year ago because I'm just empty and lost all my creativity. And there are no social contacts at all, for years!! I even gave up almost all of my internet contacts because I'm just too tired). She said no one can live like that, and that I'm suffering not only from a burnout syndrome, I'm even a step further.
She gave me a medical certificate for the next week and said there's no way that I can go to work, but this makes me feel so bad as it brings my company in a terrible situation. We're understaffed anyway (one of the reasons for my stress), and I need to look after the computers. I'm the only one there who knows a bit about computers, and there are some things that can't be done by anyone else. This is another pressure on me, because I know that I always have be there, and always need to be available. Even going on holiday is always a problem for me.
Okay, now I'm sitting here at home and my doctor told me to try to relax and do some things I like, but I cannot help but feeling terribly guilty, and scared that my illness might have some consequences for me at work.
I know that I have to find a way to get some peace back. I wonder if anyone here was in a similar situation and has learned to deal with it...?
Kirsten
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