I discovered a new feeling and I don't like it.. (advice, please?)

[CountryWolf07]

I accidently found pictures of Mike with his friend who he also dated while I was looking for pictures we took over the weekend.. I actually went and asked his best friend (who also introduced us to eachother) about it, and he told me that it was never offical. He also told me I don't need to worry about it at all.. because there's nothing to worry about.. and I could be looking into it too much. Mike told me this before we started dating.. that they dated, but nothing too major, nothing serious.. and that she started talking to him again a lot because she saw a picture of us on Facebook. I guess he was upfront about it and told me of her. I don't know, I really hate this feeling; that I feel so jealous or threatened by this girl I don't even know. On Valentine's Day, I left him a little gift on Facebook, and I was just being sweet and nice about it, and I noticed a "private" gift and it was from her also, on the SAME day. I don't know what to think? Is she jealous that Mike is not single anymore and he has a girlfriend? This "boundary" or "area" is so new to me, because I have never been jealous of anyone until I met Mike. My friends have met her, and they don't liker her one bit because of how she treats Mike. They think she's not a very smart/good person. It's just that he's still friends with her.. I hate this new part of me, feeling really jealous. He's just the best thing that has happened to me right now, and I don't want to lose him, eventhough it only has been 4 months. I don't really want to crack and run.. honestly, this is the longest I've dated anyone in my life, and it's been going SO gooooood and I just am really scared about it, I guess, at this point, it's either stay in or go. I am staying, I have to, because he's worth it.

(cough)my time of the month is this week, so I could be just too sensitive right now about it... because normally I dont worry a lot.. (cough)

I think I might talk to him about it today; but I don't want to be so obvious and be all "threatened" and it may be full of nothing.

[catnapper]

I wouldn't worry about it. It was just a picture of two friends. I'm sure someone could find pictures of you and old boyfriends from long ago. If you're that upset by it, go to him, not his best friend and start out by saying how insecure you're feeling and now you just need to be assured that Sue (or whatever her name is) is simply "just a friend".

If you continue to have these feelings then you'll surely sabotage the best thing you've ever had. It can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

[sweetpatata6]

I would try not to get too paranoid about it. I've known one of my friends since I was 3 or 4 and he's like my best guy friend, but this one girlfriend of his always got mad because he talked to me a lot, when it's really just nothing between us but a great friendship.

[mike001]

i wouldn't even bring it up. This usually turns a guy right off if he thinks you're jealous and trying to "chain " him to you. Let it go and continue your relationship as before. Since he's dating you, it's obvious he prefers your company. Don't ruin your relationship with feelings of insecurity and jealousy, just not worth it.

[joycenalex]

sweetie, don't spend too much worry time on this. 1-you, are of yourself a wonderful interesting woman with a lot to offer 2-the 2 of you are spending time together, because you BOTH want to be together. 3- jealousy can be a sign of lack of self-esteem, not always, but often(if so, see #1,again). 4-he told you about dating her before, this is good, he's building a track record as an honest man, remember that he's honest and upfront with you, 5-see #1 again. (hugs) ps....how are classes going?

[Daisy and Delilah]

Are you sure we're not related?? You sound exactly like my daughter. She gets jealous alot. She has let her jealous mind control her way too much(not saying you do). Her jealousy has reeked havoc upon a couple of her relationships.

I would listen to the advice that's already been given. There are some excellent points here. You are a wonderful, intelligent, attractive, all around great person. Don't sell yourself short and freak out over something in the past. Life is just too short. Don't lose focus now. This girl could just be jealous and trying to "derail" you. Don't let her get to you. That may be the object of her game.

You are definitely more sensitive during this "special" time. It may just be bothering you now for that reason. In a few days, these weird feelings shall pass. Keep us posted.

[Catty1]

I agree - don't discuss it with your boyfriend. Your feelings don't have anything to do with reality - they have to do with you.

Maybe time for some fun work on self-confidence...browse some self-help bookshelves, there are some humourous writings out there!

As I jokingly told a counsellor years ago: "I'n not good enough to have self-esteem."

[CountryWolf07]

I did not dicuss any of it with my boyfriend about the girl he dated. Why bring it up anyways. I realized that. Thanks guys!

We talked.. things are fine with Mike and I. It's all cleared up. He basically said "It's me, you know me, it takes two, not one to make it work" and I just knew.. I was worried over nothing. We went out to dinner yesterday, and it was unexpected. He called me up and goes "Hey I'm here, I'm picking you up" and he just finished working on his truck for 7 hours.. and then he went to his meeting.. and we met up again and went to Starbucks to do some readings..

I just freaked out because I am totally new at this; it's my first real relationship, and I finallly found that guy to be with.. and that's Mike. I do really feel lucky to have him in my life right now -- I've never been much happier. It's just funny how things happen right under your nose; and especially those good things that will happen to those who WAIT, and usually that takes a long time. That was me. But yeah.. just thought I'd update..

Thanks for the advice(s). (I will definitely look up on books.. just to improve my self confidence/self esteem, things like that..)

[Daisy and Delilah]

What a relief.....to hear everything is okay!! When you get the books, let us know how you like them. I'll pass it on to my daughter.

I just feel it in my bones that you guys are meant for each other. I just know it!!

[sweetpatata6]

So glad to hear that things are working out well.... NOW YOU KEEP IT THAT WAY MISSY!!!! lol...silly me!

[NoahsMommy]

i wouldn't even bring it up. This usually turns a guy right off if he thinks you're jealous and trying to "chain " him to you. Let it go and continue your relationship as before. Since he's dating you, it's obvious he prefers your company. Don't ruin your relationship with feelings of insecurity and jealousy, just not worth it.

Wow, how did you get into my brain?? These were my sentiments exactly!

Guys mean what they say and their actions speak to their feelings and desires. He's with YOU, not HER. Guys hate insecure women...jealousy and accusations are only going to ruin your relationship.

Since you know him better than us and you believe he's a good guy, I'd recommend trusting him...unless he gives you reason not to, of course.

Just have fun and enjoy each other - the first few months of a special relationship are lots of fun - while they ARE emotional because you're feeling these things for the first time (or just the first time with this person -which still qualify for the first time, because he's different) and no one wants to get hurt, especially if you're already emotionally invested.

Just try to ignore those feelings about "Sue"...he chose you...and is with YOU, not her. Yay!

Hugs, Kelly

P.S. I want to see pictures of you two, can you share them here??

[NoahsMommy]

We talked.. things are fine with Mike and I. It's all cleared up....I was worried over nothing.

Thanks for the advice(s). (I will definitely look up on books.. just to improve my self confidence/self esteem, things like that..)

Oh good!!!

If you're looking for books on that subject, try looking into books written by Dr. Laura...she's really great! ( www.drlaura.com )

I'm happy to see everything worked out so well. Sounds like you're both happy together - GREAT news!

[cyber-sibes]

Congratulations! You didn't let this turn into a roadblock! Remember that what you focus on & put energy into GROWS, so focus on the positive! All of us feel jealous now & then, that's pretty normal. Choose to focus on what's great between you two, and let the past stay in the past. Sounds like you've found a wonderful guy.

[CountryWolf07]

Wow, how did you get into my brain?? These were my sentiments exactly!

Guys mean what they say and their actions speak to their feelings and desires. He's with YOU, not HER. Guys hate insecure women...jealousy and accusations are only going to ruin your relationship.

Since you know him better than us and you believe he's a good guy, I'd recommend trusting him...unless he gives you reason not to, of course.

Just have fun and enjoy each other - the first few months of a special relationship are lots of fun - while they ARE emotional because you're feeling these things for the first time (or just the first time with this person -which still qualify for the first time, because he's different) and no one wants to get hurt, especially if you're already emotionally invested.

Just try to ignore those feelings about "Sue"...he chose you...and is with YOU, not her. Yay!

Hugs, Kelly

P.S. I want to see pictures of you two, can you share them here??

Here's a couple!