Do I have an option?

[Toby's my baby]

I'm not sure if I should be posting this "yet" or not... For the past couple years my family has gotten really serious about moving to Arizona to live in warmer weather and closer to my brothers and their families. Up until the past year, I wanted to move too. Last spring, we bought a lot of land near Kingman, Arizona. I switched schools this year so I could take more classes and be with my boyfriend. Now, I don't want to move at all. I had some problems with rude people at my old school, and I LOVE my new school. I know I'm still young, but I don't want to leave my boyfriend either. We've never disagreed about anything serious, never argued, my mom LOVES him and talks about him more than I do. His family is great, and as far as I know they like me too.

My parents told me and my sister last year, that if we don't want to move, that we won't. My sister wants to move though, and I don't want to ruin everyones plans just because I don't want to move. I didn't think we were going to be moving this June, I thought, MAYBE next year. . . My mom is flying down on April 10th for a job interview. I'm TERRIFIED, I have no idea what to do. I shudder at the fact that I might be leaving. My dad said we are going to try it for a year and if everyone hates it then we are moving back. I don't even want to do that...I want to stay here..

Do you think I should just go, or is it a bad idea to stay here (if they'll let me). I hate it there, I love everything about where we live, they think I'm just staying here because of my boyfriend, which obviously is a big part of it, but I don't feel like moving away from grass, trees, and 30 miles away from any town, it just doesn't sound appealing to me.

What would you do or what would you let your kids do??

[Marigold2]

Gosh this is so tough. I completely understand how you feel. Sometimes your heart is in two places. But of course we can only be in one. Good luck to you. I am sure which ever way you decide you will be happy and successfull.

[catnapper]

Move. I HATED moving my sophomore year of highschool. It was awful. I hated the new town, the new people, the new everything.... but then I got to know people and know my way around town and I realized the move was the best thing ever!

Life is all about changes and new experiences. If you fear and shy away from change now, then you'll have a much harder time dealing with it when you're older... and I'm not just talking about big stuff like changing jobs and getting married, moving, etc. I know people who can't even change their email account just because its different (hubby ) If you don't embrase change and look forward to new things then you'll miss out on lots of new experiences and people you'd never even dream of!

[Toby's my baby]

Move. I HATED moving my sophomore year of highschool. It was awful. I hated the new town, the new people, the new everything.... but then I got to know people and know my way around town and I realized the move was the best thing ever!

Life is all about changes and new experiences. If you fear and shy away from change now, then you'll have a much harder time dealing with it when you're older... and I'm not just talking about big stuff like changing jobs and getting married, moving, etc. I know people who can't even change their email account just because its different (hubby ) If you don't embrase change and look forward to new things then you'll miss out on lots of new experiences and people you'd never even dream of!

Even if it is out in the desert, 30 miles away from any towns, all the drugy kids (this is what we were told) live out where our house is going to be, the school is gigantic (1000 ppl per grade level) and I hate it even more every time we go out there?

It is really nice to hear your advice though, especially since at first you hated it (like i will) but then you loved it. Maybe that could possibly happen to me.. I love new changes actually, just this one, I dont know it feels like there is something somewhere that is telling me to stay here and that moving is wrong. I dont know...

[Reachoutrescue]

I am nobody to tell you what to do. But, my advice is follow your heart. Use your gut instinct. My folks live in Arizona and I moved with them back in '99...I didn't want to go, but my kids' dad was working with my dad and I had no choice. Or so I thought. Well, I came back to Illinois about six months later (due to a pregnancy and needed my original doctor). If I had ended up going back, leaving my "home" in Illinois, I would have never met Dave and started my rescue. Things happen for a reason. I think you should talk to your parents, just you and your parents. Wait to talk to your sister. Have a heart to heart with them. Maybe you could stay with a relative and finish school, go out there on breaks and summer, then maybe move out there after school with your boyfriend. There are options. Just keep an open mind either way. Good luck. I hope I helped a little.

By the way, not to confuse you more, but Arizona is not too bad. It is always summer, even in winter. It is much cheaper out there and it is not all desert!! I still like Illinois better!

[Daisy and Delilah]

Beth, if you have a plan to be able to stay behind successfully, I would go with that. Especially if your parents feel you're responsible enough to make your own choice. It sounds like the thought of making this move is practically making you sick. I remember feelings like this when I was young. It wasn't pleasant at all.

I was given a golden opportunity to move to a much nicer house while my kids were in high school. I refused to move so they could graduate from the school they wanted to graduate from. I felt they had moved enough in their lives and it was time to stop changing their lives to suit everybody elses. I know this doesn't describe your situation. I just wanted to tell you the story so you could see that I know how you feel.

Go with your gut feeling on this. I'm not saying the grass isn't greener in Arizona. Who knows? Just do what feels right to you. My .02 cents

[Scooter's Mom]

The part of AZ you would be moving to (near Kingman) does get rather cold during the winter months. Kingman can actually get snow - it's at a higher elevation than Phoenix, where I live.

I moved to Phoenix from Houston in January 1999. I had never set foot in Arizona.

Change can be scary. I am not one who likes change, and so moving here was HARD. My mother was terminally ill... so that made leaving home even worse. But I did move here, and LOVE it.

Good luck with whatever you do. Please just remember to keep an open mind at whatever you end up doing.

[Catsnclay]

I live in Glendale AZ. which is part of the Phoenix area and I LOVE it. You can not get me to move back to my native NY for anything in the world.


I don't know how old you are, but when I was 13 we moved from NY to AZ and I hated it too, until I met a few people and started a new life.

Moving IS hard, but Catnapper said it best, if you don't learn how to make changes now, it will only get harder the older you get.

As for your boyfriend, he can come and visit you and vise versa. I also know you are going to hate me for this next comment, but BF's come and go, you are young and I'm sure you will have no problem finding many a boy-friends here at all! Kingman is NOT a bad place, it is a rather small town, in comparison to Phoenix and from your signature, it looks like you enjoy horses.....well guess what?!!! Kingman is the perfect place for you and your horses! I would love to move there! It does snow there, but not a lot so you will have lots of riding time.

I think you also said that if nobody liked it in a year, you would all move back. That sounds more than fair to me. Your parents are willing to work with you and your sister, why not give them a chance too?

Bunny

P.S.
I noticed that you liked basketball - we have season tickets to the Phoenix Suns - if you want, when you move here, contact me and I will take you to a game - how's that??? PM me for more info!

[Toby's my baby]

Thank you everyone for the great advice. Just so you all know, I'm taking everything you say to heart.

I haven't really sat down with my parents much, but me and my dad talked about moving a little bit tonight. I told him I didn't want to go at all, and he knows I dont want to for sure. He said that he is going to keep his business here, and that he would be comming back to Minnesota for 10 days out of each month, he also said that he is going to keep one of houses empty but furnished (we own somewhere around 30 places that we rent out) so he has a place to stay. I mentioned to him that since he was going to be having a place, that I could just stay there. I don't think that would fly over AT ALL though. If I did go with them though, I would for sure be comming back with my dad when he does come back.

My dad said, " tell your mom that you dont want to go" and I said "why" and he said "so she knows you're staying..." ... what is that supposed to mean?

As for the whole boyfriend thing...how dare you say that Bunny! Just kidding I know.. so many people tell me this, and of course, it's reality, so I shouldn't have my mind set on not moving just because of Josh. He has told me that if I do end up moving, that I shouldn't make a decision based on him. It is so hard to make a decision when you are so attached to someone though.

I think I'm going to have to sit down and talk to my parents SOON, before my mom goes down for the job interview, or maybe after, I'm not sure yet, but I want them to know exactly how I feel so everything is straight.

I also like the idea of living down there in the summer and going there for holidays and stuff like that. I would probably like that actually, and that way, this summer if I don't like it, I can come back and go to school, and it won't be that big of a deal.

Where we are living is very close to Yuca, which isn't even really a town really, but I guess it is lower elevation so they don't get snow there..? But.. I can deal with the little snow they did get, you have to keep in mind, I've lived in Minnesota my whole life.