How do you deal with your Spouse's Ex???

[critter crazy]

I thought this would be an Interesting topic. Many people call me strange, and one of a kind. But is it realy that strange, or uncommon? here is the deal.
My Husband, has a ex-wife and a son from his previous Marriage. Of course we have to have a relationship with her, because of his son. The thing that seems to get people, is that fact that his ex and I are great friends! After about the first year, of me being in my hubbys life, his ex and i just strated talking more, and well we hit it off. We call eachother all the time, we babysit eachothers kids, we coach our kids bowling league together, and we are on the same bowling team. I see her more than my hubby does. People are just shocked, when we introduce ourselves, and the subject of how me met is brought up! People are just shocked! Is it realy that uncommon for current spouses and ex-spouses get along??
How do you get along with your spouses ex?

[robinh]

It is not the norm, but what you are doing is what "should" happen with your spouse's ex. You and she have made the best of a bad situation. Just because he and she couldn't live together is no reason everyone can't get along and if you got a good friend out of the mix - fantastic!!

Kudos to both of you!!

[mike001]

I agree totally. And it is providing the child with a healthy atmosphere. What child likes to be caught between two moms who despise each other. Wish everyone could see how mature your actions are.

[borzoimom]

My ex husband and I, for obvious reason, have ABSOLUTELY NO CONTACT. My husbands ex is a witch.. FULLL BLOWN- ... However- we can be like this because the "kids" are grown, and all have their own lives in place.
If my daughter needs to talk about something with her father- I just listen. If DArrells' kids need to talk abou their mother- he listens. .. But that is the extent of it. Both Darrell and I understand that our relationship with our ex's is not OUR CHILDRENS relationship.

[CathyBogart]

I'm not actively friends with any of Mike's exes. but I've met all of them (he's good at staying friends after a relationship) and I get along with all of them. Usually there was a small period right after I met them where I was uncomfortable around them, but it didn't last long. What can I say, the man has good taste!

[Twisterdog]

Well, I wouldn't say my husband's ex-wife and I are friends ... we don't chit-chat on the phone or go to lunch together. But we do chat for a few minutes if we run into each other in town. And we have perfectly reasonable, rational conversations about the kids - it makes it so much easier if we are civil and decent to each other. I

have no beef with her, and she has none with me. They divorced three years before he and I got married - it's not like I was the reason for their divorce or anything. He hates her, and tells me horrible stories about what she did to cause their divorce. I have no doubts that she feels the same way about him, and tells her boyfriend all that he did to cause their divorce. And frankly, as in the vast majority of such cases, the truth probably lies somewhere in between the two perceptions.

[wombat2u2004]

A million praises to you CC. That is so good to hear.
Who cares what the so called norm is, it works for you........go for it .
I have been divorced now for about 5 years, and my ex is still my best friend.
A couple of years ago, a lady friend of mine from Arkansas flew out to Australia to be with me, she was so horrified that I was actually friends with my ex....we even argued about it...LOL.
Ummmmm...that lady is now back in Arkansas
Wombat

[Pawsitive Thinking]

I get on pretty well with hubby's ex. In fact she and I have been known to join forces when their daughter needs help but not from Dad.

An ex is an ex for a reason and we all have them - our past makes us who we are now

[Laura's Babies]

My ex and I are good friends and always have been. I told him when we were discussing the divorce that we HAD to have a good relationship with each other for the childrens sake. I refused to play the blame game, I refused to allow my children put in the middle of our problems and we were, the "adults" in this and needed to act like it. I also told him we could not and would not allow them to play us against each other, no matter what!

When we divorced, we allowed the kids to stay where they wanted to and had a open door policy for them.... if they all wanted to go stay a week at his house, they could, if they wanted to stay a week at mine, they could. It has worked out so good and now that the children are grown, they can plan a Christmas, a cook out, whatever and invite us both and know we would both be there and enjoy ourselves. They get a lot of people who whisper "I thought your Mom and Dad are divorced?! They have been sitting over there talking for a long time!!!" We are GREAT friends and that is just a fact. We have been divorced since the early 80's and we are far better as friends than we were as man and wife. I dearly love him as a friend and always will.... if he ever needs me, I will be there for him and I know he would be for me too......... It works out all the way around for all concerned and to me, at the time, it was ALL about what was best for the children as it should be!

[shais_mom]

I don't have any type of situation like this but found this thread interesting.
Critter Crazy - KUDOS to you! that is awesome!
Laura - my sister's in law's have that type of relationship. They make better friends than husband and wife and readily admit it. They have HER family's CHRISTMAS get together at HIS house! I think they have been divorced since the early 80's also. It makes get togethers for the kids and holidays a lot easier for them!

[sparks19]

I thought this would be an Interesting topic. Many people call me strange, and one of a kind. But is it realy that strange, or uncommon? here is the deal.
My Husband, has a ex-wife and a son from his previous Marriage. Of course we have to have a relationship with her, because of his son. The thing that seems to get people, is that fact that his ex and I are great friends! After about the first year, of me being in my hubbys life, his ex and i just strated talking more, and well we hit it off. We call eachother all the time, we babysit eachothers kids, we coach our kids bowling league together, and we are on the same bowling team. I see her more than my hubby does. People are just shocked, when we introduce ourselves, and the subject of how me met is brought up! People are just shocked! Is it realy that uncommon for current spouses and ex-spouses get along??
How do you get along with your spouses ex?

That is how my parents always were. I remember my mom and step dad going golfing regularly with my dad and his g/f. LOL

(my dad has been married three times and there is only one ex wife that is less than friendly) I remember going to Florida in 1999 with my dad... my brother (from his first marriage) and his wife and kids, my youngest brother (from his third marriage) and my dad's first wife LOL. A guy stopped us to do a survey and somehow in the survey it came up that my dad and Carol were no longer married and the guy was shocked. He just said "you came to florida with your ex wife.... how is that going?" and my dad said "it's great. We are having a great time.... we all get along"

I have never met my husbands ex wife.... and to be honest I dont' plan to. He is still paying her alimoney (sp?) and I fear that if we were to meet she would try to get more from him. She is a very vindictive type of woman... I saw that during the divorce... and she was the one that served him the papers.... right before he was deployed to Bosnia. Claiming his deployments were emotional abuse and abadonment. then she wanted him to pay all of her lawyers fees when she was the one that sought out legal counsel and he just wanted an uncontested divorce. she wanted ZERO contact with him and it all had to be done through lawyers... until the judge said no chance in h*ll that he was paying for her lawyers fees... than she was more than willing to go uncontested.

BUT I believe that the bad relationships we were in before have only helped us truly appreciate what we have with each other.

[Rachel]

I'm grateful that my husband's ex is who she is. If she had been different, maybe he would still be married to her.