This past week has been rough, to say the least.

Butch is having trouble again. Long story short, his ****** wife and his even *****er step daughter have gotten to him. Stepdaughter crashed her very nice car into a $60k Cadillac, and b!tchy wife agreed to buy her a new, $14k car. They do not have the money to pay for the car and the sky-rocketing insurance, therefore Butch has to sell his camper (he has one in the campground we camp in, he loves it a lot and finally got it paid off, now he has to sell it to pay for this stupid car...) and maybe even sell the snowcone stand. To make matters worse, ***** wife lied to Butch about how much the car cost. She told him it was $10k, and he was being a nice husband-stepdad and agreed to help pay for it, but turns out it was actually $14k. He might be getting divorced, and I just feel sooo bad for him.

Top it off with a huge fight with my mother Saturday night. She isn't really talking to me anymore. She tried to get me to give her the rest of her money so she could go out. When I said no, she got mad. She thinks I don't love her anymore because "all I do is fight" with her. She's not talking to me. Whatever, I don't care anymore. Her loss, not mine. She's got John to take care of her.

Today I found out that I got second chair in band. I've had first chair since my sophomore year, and I'm a senior now. This kid I'm actually friends with beat me, but he just INSISTS on making MISERABLE about it. He knows how much it means to me to make first chair... I feel like I have something to live up to, you know? I've had first chair the last two years... what is my dad going to say? And to make matters worse, my teacher told us to switch spots and the whole band gasps and goes, "Oooh..."... I just hate being ridiculed. I was stopped in the hallway once already today by some friend of mine and she was like, "MEGAN! How could you let that happen?! Jeez!" and walked away. It's like, thanks. As if I'm not upset enough over this?

Oh there's more.

Max. This kid that used to work with me. He's a good friend, and apparently he told Butch that he wanted to ask me out. He hung out with me a lot over the summer when I worked at the Rainbow Snow. Well... we were texting each other a lot last night and it turns out he thought I liked him, but recently I haven't been "looking at him" the same... He wants to hang out at my house sometime... He actually said he'd love to hang out with me, it just seems like I never want to. Truth is, he's really... crazy. He talks about killing his ex-girlfriend all the time. In all honesty, why would I want to put myself in that position? Why would I want to make myself vulnerable to his crazy ex-girlfriend... and I would be afraid to ever break up with Max for fear he'd kill me!!

And my friends want me to go to a party with them this weekend. I really want to go. They all drink and stuff and I really don't want to drink, but I'd like to go, just to get a taste of the atmosphere and stuff. They think they have convinced me to drink, when in reality, I don't want to drink at all. This whole party is going to be celebrating my sudden intrest in drinking, when really I don't want to drink at all. There was a bit of a misunderstanding I think. The thing is, I will want to go HOME after this party, but everyone will want me to stay into the wee hours of the morning, and I can't drive past midnight with my license. And I just don't want to stay there... I don't know. I guess what I'm confused with is whether or not I want to go. I want to go because I NEED to get out and meet people and stuff... but I just don't know.

Thanks for listening. That's the end of my completely long, boring, useless rant. Butch is calling me later and he's going to get the whoolllleee thing too, lol. He doesn't care, he's always there to listen to me complain.

Signed,

Sad and Confused.