Every year around this time, I get into a sobbing depression. It has to do with my birthday and my life in general.
I got up this morning feeling awful (not sick but in a funk). I sat on my futon crying into my coffee. Usually my birthday doesn't bother me. But this year it's really doing a number on me. The idea of turning 56 scares me because it makes me realize that half (if I live to 100) my life is over. What do I have to show for it?? Not a damn thing. I see what other people have and how they don't blink an eye at a purse costing what I make in a year while I'm eating macaroni and butter wondering whether I'm going to be able to meet all my bills this month.
The last time I had such a meltdown was on my 30th birthday. It was awful. I stayed in my apartment for 3 days in my pj's crying into a pillow while the state was blanketed with almost 3 feet of snow.
In AA, they say "this too shall pass". I just wish it would hurry up cuz I'm tired of looking like crap (bags, red eyes from crying) and crying uncontrollably.
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