Why make the choice to not have children?

[dukedogsmom]

I wonder how this would have run had it been titled "Why make the choice to have children?" I have always been an animal person. I have never had a desire to have kids and don't get all crazy when I see a baby. That's just me. I don't hate them, just don't want any. I'd rather fill up my house with animals. I feel bad for people that thinks that makes me a bad person.

[Logan]

Well, one thing is for sure, Valerie, and that is that no one here, has posted anything that would make you feel like a "bad" person for not adding skin kids to your household, for sure!!! In fact, the opposite seems to be true, as most of us "skin" kid lovers are happy to hear that those of you who aren't like us, have chosen to take the necessary steps to avoid being parents.

There are people of all personalities out there, pet lovers, included, some of whom prefer not to add to the human race, and I certainly don't fault them for their decison. I also can certainly understand the "other" side, those who choose to bring human life into this world. It has been a special blessing for me to do that, as I am sure it has been for others.

"To each his own", is a saying that I understand and support. Most of you, who have said you don't want kids have not condemned children, just respectively stated your reasons for not having any, which I appreciate, totally.

Logan

[trayi52]

Very well said, Logan. Thats exactly how I feel. I don't think any less of you Val, for that decision. In fact I do understand, and admire you for that decision. I sure don't think you are a bad person, no not at all. I think you are a very good person, I see how you are with the young people here at Pet Talk, you are very kind and sweet to them. Who could ask for more?

Willie

[Tonya]

When I became pregnant with Jaden, I was totally irresponsible. I never wanted to have kids and I was totally unprepared. By the grace of God, Jaden changed my life. I am a wonderful mother and I love Jaden more then anything. I couldn't imagine life without children now.

On the other hand, I have a friend who is a wonderful person. She became pregnant by accident. She had one abortion before, and decided that wasn't for her. She wanted to give the baby up for adoption. I was pregnant at the same time, we had the same due dates and I wound up losing the baby. When that happened, I was so devastated. My friend begged me to adopt her baby. I told her no and convinced her that she would love her baby and the maternal instincts would kick in when he was born. Well, I am sad to say that he's over a year old now and her maternal instincts still haven't kicked in. She doesn't abuse him, but he isn't really loved either. She's just not cut out to be a mom.

I feel so guilty because I'm kind of the one that convinced her to give motherhood a shot. From this experience, I've realized that not everyone is cut out to be parents. It isn't like this girl is a loser or cold hearted person...she just simply isn't maternal.

She's still begging me to adopt her son, and now he's so much older. I wish I'd done it when he was a newborn. Mike and I've been talking about it alot. It's a big and scary decision.

[Desert Arabian]

Originally posted by Sirrahsim
I don't understand why some people do not ever want to have children?

Because it's my life and my decision. I am one who is not planning on having kids either. Right now I am only 16 years old, as I get older, my views *may* change. My plans for my future and future career I want to have would make having a child nearly impossible.

Also, my family is plagued with horrible genes causing so many health problems, it's not even funny, I really don't want to pass these genes to my children and have to go through all the hell my family members (close and distant) are going through because of it. No way!!!

My life, my decision.

[carole]

I think there are a lot of younger ones like yellowlablover saying she has no plans to have children at this point in her life, but that may change, believe me at 16 I did not want children either, infact even at 22 I didn't, but by 23 my mind had changed.

Tonya your story made me so sad, this poor little boy is obviously being deprived of the love he needs, it is not your fault, he still had the right to be born and I really hope someone can adopt him, and give him the kind of life he really deserves.

All of you know how much I adore my furbabies, when I lost my Sooti, it took me a long time to get over it, but the difference is if I lost one of my children I would never ever get over it, furbabies are replacable, it does not mean I don't think about my Sooti , I still do and I still cry for him sometimes, but Lexie has indeed helped me through it and to come to terms with it, a child is not something you can just pick up at the local pet store, if you get my drift, when you have carried a baby for 9mths , given birth, and all the love you have to that child, nothing in the world can replace that, not even another child. Just MO.

To Lisalee, just briefly, I am not here to attack you , I don't have an issue with you, but other's do, I don't think you set out to purposely insult people on the board, but unfortunately you did, so maybe an apology might be in order, up to you of course, there have been some not so nice people on PT, but everyone I know is very nice, and Willie is no exception, she is one of the nicest people I know, and I have been here over a year now., you hit a raw nerve with some people that is all, maybe time to make some peace.

Other than that I have enjoyed reading everyone's response's, motherhood is not for everyone, and sometimes because I have enjoyed being a mother so much, I just want everyone else to experience that joy, but I know that is not the case, and to other's it is not what they want from their lives, maybe just as well, as we would be even more over-populated world than present.

Wolfchan your idea of fostering really suprised me, in a very nice way, that is such a great thing to think of doing, it is not something I could do, I Just don't have it in me, to have a child for a while and not with me forever, it takes a very special kind of person to beable to foster, and maybe you are that person.
Cheers everyone.

[cubby31682]

I have always wanted children, I use to tell my mom that I was going to have thousands of kids. Just so they wouldn't want a brother or sister like I always wanted a younger sister. Now that I am older I wouldn't having a few kids, I am not ready yet, I am still young. I watched 4 kids over the weekend, and I loved it. These were also very well behaved kids as well. My mom swears that I have the mother in me the way I treat kids, I am not the one to sit and play with kids, I have to warm up to them. My two nieces and my nephew I can play with them all day.

[guster girl]

I've been reading this thread and not really posting since all of the hullaballoo.... But, I did just want to say that I don't think furbabies are any more "replaceable" than human children. Just because I have a new dog after my Bruno passed away at 15, doesn't mean that he is or ever will be replaced. Just as having another human child could never replace losing one. Just my opinion. Had to say it.

[guster girl]

Originally posted by Pam

And how are the animals going to make this a better place for you? Are they going to work to make society better?

I'm not at all disagreeing or agreeing with some of the comments that were made during this part of the conversation. But, I did want to say that there are many children that don't grow up to make this a better place, unfortunately. I am thankful for children, and, for people who want children and raise them to be good productive people. But, there are PLENTY of animals that do make this a better place to live. Guide dogs, service dogs, rescue dogs, therapy animals, etc.

[Glacier]

Ok, I guess I'll finally respond to this one...

I am in my early thirties, married for five years this month, wonderful husband, happy marriage, finacially secure, stable ect....all the stuff that leads people to expect us to have children soon.

We have no plans to ever have children. I love kids, absolutely adore them, hubby is great with them, little ones flock to him all the time. I just don't want my own. I have nothing against kids at all and completely respect those that do have them. Most of our friends have young kids and I often get to babysit. I have 9 nieces and nephews--ADORE THEM!! I can't get enough of my sister's three little girls, but at the same time, being the cool auntie who can buy them loud toys, feed them sugar, play silly games, has time to sit and listen to them for hours--well, that's the good part of parenthood without the stress, worry, ect.

We take all sorts of flack for this decision from other people. My sister in law actually asked me once why I got married if we didn't plan to have children? Like there was no other reason to get married! Now I've taken to telling people that when I want to hear the pitter-pat of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cats. I've found that if I try to give them the real reasons, no one believes us or accepts them. Being sarcastic at least shuts them up!

My sister is raising three kids under the age of 8 alone! one is still in diapers. She's always wanted kids-since she was a toddler she's wanted to be a mom. And she's amazing. doing a simply amazing job with those girls. I deeply admire her committment. Heck, I send her mother's day presents! But I don't want to be her or in her shoes.

My dogs tie me down more than kids would. It's alot easier to find someone willing to babysit a kid or two than it is to find someone willing to take care of 18 dogs and 8 cats!

I spent seven years as a front line child protection worker. It almost killed me and did damage to my soul that I am still trying to heal. The things people do to kids is just astounding and horrifying. It's harder to adopt a dog from our local humane society than it is to have a kid. My co-workers and I often said there ought to be a test before you can have a baby. Would save a lot of kids a lot of heartbreak!

[trayi52]

Guster Girl, I just have to ask you this, you said service dogs, etc makes it a better place and I am not disagreeing to that. Not at all. What I am going to do is ask you who train these dogs to do these wonderful services? I know it does take people to train them to do just that. Is that not true? There are very special people training these very special dogs to do this service.

[guster girl]

I knew someone would bring that up, and, almost put it in the response to begin with. I just figured it would go without saying that they didn't teach themselves to sniff out cocaine or smell out termites or cancer cells, or guide the blind or make sick or elderly people feel better, but, I guess I was wrong in that assumption. But, the fact is, they fill a void that humans alone can not. There are simply things that a dog can do that humans cannot. And, dogs also teach humans things, as well. That's why they have programs like the ones where dogs are brought to prisons or detention halls. They teach people respect, love, and, responsibility. So, I'd say it works both ways.

[leslie flenner]

I wasn't around to read all these last many posts of people feeling what they were feeling! But I've caught up. I was not insulted and I didn't THINK a post about preferring to be with animals as offensive. Actually, I smiled to myself because it reminded me of how many time me and my rescue friends have said to each other, "If it was a human...". I am talking about going into repeatedly neglectful and abusive situations where we felt like crying and screaming because of an animal that should not be living in the conditions they are living in but no one cares. How many times have I called the MSPCA and Animal Rescue League and Animal Control and heard, "Well, they're getting food, water, shelter, we didn't witness xyz so,... (so see ya later). So it's why we end up "stealing" pets so often! So that was all I thought of regarding that animals are not regarding as important/high- whatever, as humans! I thought it quite innocent and just stating the facts (we've all seen animal precinct etc right?- it's frustrating when they have to leave because the owner is fulfilling the basics but we all know it's bad.)
Regarding the story re: burning building, what if: I remember working in a lousy neighborhood for several years that was teaming with stray cats so I was constantly assessing them, finding their litters, finding them homes, bringing them to Emergancy rooms when I got off at midnight. My co-workers would laugh and chide me, and more than once the question was posed to me- "If you were driving down the street, and you were about to hit a dog or a person, and had to swerve one way or the other- which one would you hit?" My answer (after having no answer the first few times) was to say, #1 it's never gonna happen, and #2 if it does, I don't know- in any emergancy, one just acts, doesn't sit there to consider- from what I understand, one does what it takes to keep any life from being jeapardized! so, well enough said. My life too is devoted to scooping up animals and doctoring them and just doing what little I can with my little bit of resources! Please don't anyone be mad at me!

[trayi52]

LOL, Leslie, remember the joke about the cat and the little old lady? Something gave her a wish, I can't remember what, anywho, it turned her into a beautiful young woman, and she wished her cat to be turned into a man. So he was turned into this very handsome man, that would knock your eyes out of your head. Well he whispers to her, ''Now don't you wish you hadn't had me neutered?'' LOL, funny Leslie!

Willie

[Cincy'sMom]

Originally posted by trayi52
LOL, Leslie, remember the joke about the cat and the little old lady? Something gave her a wish, I can't remember what, anywho, it turned her into a beautiful young woman, and she wished her cat to be turned into a man. So he was turned into this very handsome man, that would knock your eyes out of your head. Well he whispers to her, ''Now don't you wish you hadn't had me neutered?'' LOL, funny Leslie!

Willie

I just saw that on a birthday card this weekend, but it was an old lady and her poodle!!!