Why make the choice to not have children?

[QueenScoopalot]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by moosmom
[B]

To this day, I get SO annoyed when I hear crying, whiny, unruly kids at the store. I just have no patience for it! (can't get the hang of quotes yet, sorry Donna..someday I'll get this forum)
I can relate to this comment! If ever the "biological clock" ticked (rarely if ever) a quick trip to buy pet food at Wal-Mart knocked that foolish thought right out of my head! Pet food is next to the toy section, and nothing gets me out of a store faster! I swear the local store's toy section is used for babysitting while the parents shop. I can't count the times I've been hit by balls, almost run over by kids on bikes....geesh...no wonder they have to have a "Code Adam" in the stores. Give me a litter of kittens or a baby bird...anything but a kid!

[sirrahbed]

Originally posted by QueenScoopalot
Give me a litter of kittens or a baby bird...anything but a kid!

Hey I *have* three grown kids, loved motherhood and I agree with you here! Of course MY three didn't act like this (well, really, they didn't, not like kids today!!) We will be out shopping and hear a whiny kid - my hubby's favorite comment to mutter ......."hittem again!" - in jest, but with feeling....or be nearly knocked over by a running wild toddler... At this point in my life, I don't like kids either!! They get on my nerves. However, I DO have a grandbaby on the way and she will, of course, be a perfect angel.

[leslie flenner]

You know what really bothers me is not the kids that are running around crying and whining- it's the parents that are ignoring them! And the parent who slaps the poor childs hand that reaches out of the cart and so begins to cry. To me, in public, any display of kids in distress is up to the parents to address ASAP and it really irks me that they do not!! When I was a kid, if I misbehaved in public, I had to go sit in the car. (locked of course). Now, I just see parent screaming and slapping their kids or doing nothing at all- both really poor parenting responses in my mind - but I'm not a parent! I just feel sorry for children that have over-discipline or under-discipline. I feel REALLY bad for children who get both in different circumstances and grow up confused about what is ok and what is not!

[leslie flenner]

I was never sent to the car for reaching out of the cart or wanting to see something on the shelf. It was an extreme measure when I was uncontrollable (I assume! Now I need to ask mom!) and it was the 60s so no child-napping yet!) mom always let me explore everywhere we went and was quite kind about that aspect of public life together.

[sirrahbed]

Originally posted by leslie flenner
Now, I just see parent screaming and slapping their kids

Oh I hope you do not take my "hittem again" comment seriously! - it is a frustration joke we share! I feel like a crying child either needs attention or discipline. What I more than often see is a screaming kid "I want candy" mom says "NO" about three or four times and kid keeps screaming. Then mom gives them the candy!! Or, how many times does she have to say "stop or I will take you outside" over and over but keeps on shopping?? I guess I earned my title of the "meanest mom on the block" but back then, I guess we also did not take the kids out places as often because I really cannot remember having to deal with a crying kid!
Omegosh I am starting to sound like MY mother - "Why, when *I* was your age...."

[CathyBogart]

*Chuckles* I asked my mother ecently while we were walking through the mall... "Did I ever act like that in public?!" and she assured me that I hadn't acted like that. This was probably because IF I had acted like that, I would have been sent outside and had to stay home with my father the next time.

My fiancee's SIL...her six year old is a BRAT. He will start doing something obnoxious, and she tells him to stop or else <insert threat here>, then turns her back and ignores the behavior! X.X WTFlip is that teaching him?! Rrrrrgh, so many times I've wanted to TELL her that, but her and I get into enough arguments over pet care and I don't want to start another. -_-

[carole]

This sure has been an interesting thread to say the least, whether people have children or not is totally up to them, I suppose you can say the same for pets, maybe I am contradicting myself a little here, but guster girl made me think, and she is right, it is not enriching in your life in any way if it is not what you want.

I just find it hard to hear when people say they dislike children,I know its not personal , but having children, its just hard to hear is all.

And Trayi52, you are so right, you cannot just quit(although some do), and hope their is a good redundancy pay at the end of it, you never ever stop worrying about them, infact to me that is the only down side, that comes with parenting, is the stressful times you have,but it is part of the Job description.

Captain , I am here anytime if and when I am needed lol!!!

[Sirrahsim]

Originally posted by lisalee
I find it sad that kids/babies are placed so much higher in society than animals.

*COUGH* *SPUTTER* *CHOKE*

Holy freaking cow and WtF? I *HOPE* that I read that wrong. Really, honestly, I would give my big toe to have that statement have been one big long typo. So, animals should be equal to or higher than HUMAN children? So tell me, if your neighbors home caught fire and in one room was their abnoxious little 3 year old child, and in the other room was a box of kittens, and you only had a chance to save one of the other. Would you save the kittens and let the little girl burn? Or even hesitate for a second before saving the obnoxious snotty nosed brat? Because if there would be even a *moments* hesitation where the welfare of those kittens was placed higher than the welfare of that little girl than there is *seriously* something very wrong with that. Please tell me that that statement came out wrong. Please. I know that the example that I used is a little extreme, but you get the idea... I didn't want this thread to have any arguing- just information giving- but I've just gotta draw the line somewhere.

[sirrahved]

Originally posted by sirrahbed
We will be out shopping and hear a whiny kid - my hubby's favorite comment to mutter ......."hittem again!" - in jest, but with feeling:rolleyes

So now I know who to thank for this awful habit that Jason has.... *sigh*

[trayi52]

I have a deep love of animals and perfer to make this world a better place for them as I grow older. I find it sad that kids/babies are placed so much higher in society than animals. I find people to be selfish that can't open there hearts to let an animal into there home. I find them to be the most selfish.

Missy I find that to also be very cold and selfish. I have never heard of such a cold hard hearted thing in my whole life. I can't believe anybody would classify a childs life so low. How dark can you be? No wonder you were an only child! I think I would have pinched your head off as soon as you were born! I have to agree an animal life is more important than yours! As somebody say, I can see why some species eat their young!

You insulted every mother, mother to be, and grandmother on this board. It is one thing to not like children and not want children as the people in this thread have been so decent about their feelings. But what you posted is absolutely horrible! I wouldn't trust a person such as you to even take care of my pets!

Willie

[tuxluvr]

Another "CBC" here - never had any strong desire, have been married almost 30 years to the same man, who shares the sentiment---my take on this (and I think it's my first visit to the dog house!)...

My overall take is that things happen for a reason - I worried in my twenties that there was something desperately wrong with me because I didn't want children and didn't get all "melty" around babies (in fact, babies and young children tend to steer clear of me - they obviously KNOW) (TEASING)..

On the other side - I have ENORMOUS respect for those who do have children and devote the needed time to raise productive contributing members of society - it is a huge responsibility and one of the most important things a human being can do.

I also believe it has, in our society, been unfairly deemed as a "lesser choice" to the extent that "by choice stay at home moms" have often been denigrated by their peers. Statistics prove that intact families or at least INVOLVED parents produce the healthiest and most stable children. I have enormous respect for those who postpone their own desires if they stand in the way of effective child rearing.

My nieces and nephews all refer to me as the "COOL AUNT" - and I really didn't enjoy their company until they were almost teenagers. I do enjoy them now.

I do think that something "takes over", even when non-maternal types become pregnant - and I've often seen these people become extremely effective parents - they tend to see their children more as "other people" and maintain a more objective view of their "lil darlins"...

I've had people tell me that I would never be "fulfilled" until I had children and I've never quite understood that. I think we each have something to contribute to life, and it is unique - it may involve procreation and it may just involve "creativity"...I don't nurture children, but I do nurture friendships, my spouse, Ritz( of course), my clients...

I've learned that personal happiness cannot be defined or created by other people - such as spouses or children - certainly they can enhance that happiness, but one must find the cause of joy inside themselves - cultivate it, and happiness will find you, and your happiness will find its way as a light to others

[trayi52]

tuxluvr, you said that is the most beautiful way, and I highly commend you for that. Some are not meant to have children, but see you are a ''cool aunt'', and that is great. It proves you are cool, you have a teenager tell you that and you have a very high rating! Believe me, I have worked with teenagers, and when you are classified in that catagory, then you are somebody very special!

That was a very sweet post, and all the mothers, mothers to be, and grandmother love you for it! Honestly.

Willie

[Pam]

Originally posted by trayi52

You insulted every mother, mother to be, and grandmother on this board. It is one thing to not like children and not want children as the people in this thread have been so decent about their feelings. But what you posted is absolutely horrible! I wouldn't trust a person such as you to even take care of my pets!

Willie

I agree with you Willie. This thread has been so nice and everyone has expressed their feelings so well about how they came to make their decisions. Too bad this poster couldn't 'tone it down' a bit and not be quite so insulting to those of us who have chosen to become mothers.

One of my favorite aunts (my dad's sister) never had children and in fact never married. She had boyfriends but somehow couldn't take that final step toward marriage. She knew herself well enough to know that she wasn't cut out to be a wife and/or mother but nevertheless she was one of the aunts whose visits I really looked forward to when I was a bratty little kid. And, believe it or not, she adored me too!

[sirrahbed]

Originally posted by lisalee

I have a deep love of animals and perfer to make this world a better place for them as I grow older. I find it sad that kids/babies are placed so much higher in society than animals. I find people to be selfish that can't open there hearts to let an animal into there home. I find them to be the most selfish.

Lisa,
While I am glad that you love animals - I am completely bewildered and blown away by that second statement.
Next Sunday is Mother's Day, and if you are still blessed enough to have your own mother alive, or whoever the woman is who took care of you and raised you as a child, I hope you will honor her for NOT sharing in your feelings, and considering YOU, Lisa, as more than an animal. If it was your dad - thank God for him!
This thread was an honest attempt to understand the desire to have or not to have...children. While I realize many of us do love our pets in quite a similar way to our children - I know I do, to make a statement that you "find it sad that kids/babies are placed so much higher in society than animals" is far beyond my comprehension - and highly insulting.

[2kitties]

I don't have any problem with children and will probably choose to have a couple when we feel we are finacially prepared to provide them with the things I want to provide. I am not currently ready for motherhood. For me, I won't be ready until we're financially prepared, I'm in a place in my own career that I can afford to leave the industry for a few years and reenter without starting over. I also need to be in a life place where I'm ready to be selfless. I'm not there. I enjoy going to adult restaurants on weekends (and HATE to see children in grown up restaurants), go on grown up vacations- both planned and spontaneous- and spend my money on ME.

So my choice to wait on children is not because of any distaste for children or parents or any of those things. I think children are wonderful. My choice to wait is because of me and my readiness.

Of course, if I were to marry and start making babies, what would my mother have to complain about.... I suppose she'd come up with something. I'm certain I wouldn't raise them right.