Opinions...please help...

[caseysmom]

I don't think she was very close with her dad, all the remarks about him have been negative. I don't think its that, she has always been like this. I haven't seen her cry once for him.

My brother was a really sweet guy but for whatever reason they were not close, he may have gotten frustrasted, I know it was overwhelming for them all those years to have his son severely autistic.

[Catty1]

how about

start with a doctor's appt? For you at least, if not her.

That "protective custody" might have been your best option.

A set of rules, with the "PC" as a last backup option, might be a good try.

If nothing else, YOU get family counselling for yourself. You'll at least get info on all kinds of help. She could benefit from a life skills course.

Some things here you CAN do, and others need a professional edge.

A word on disabilities: My sister had ms for about 20 years, and died of it in April. One of the best things I learned was this:

"Having a disability doesn't make someone a saint."

If you are walking on eggshells, you don't have to do that any more.

I liked Catnapper's suggestion - actions (like the laundry dumping) show her what she CAN'T do.

Just make sure that whatever consequences you say- that you carry through with it, so she learns to respect what you say - that you'll do what you say you will.

I'll shut up now - good luck!

[caseysmom]

That protective custody seemed harsh at the time, I hadn't lived with her. I would like to see her finish her internship, graduate and get a job.

I have tried counseling with my teen, just seemed like I was paying a hundred bucks for a lady to sit and not and ask a couple of questions. Maybe I can try a different one.

I know I am part of the problem, I realize that. All day at work I have been feeling bad about the "pay me back for the contact stuff" note. I shouldn't feel bad but I do, I can't control it. I get angry when someone should already in my opinion know something and I have to say something and come off like the bad guy.

[caseysmom]

I forgot one little story...

We went out of town for 2 nights for my daughters diving, my niece did not want to go. When we got home I said "hi we are home, did you miss us?" She said flat toned "not really" I guess I left enough food with instructions

[I_luv_rusty]

I forgot one little story...

We went out of town for 2 nights for my daughters diving, my niece did not want to go. When we got home I said "hi we are home, did you miss us?" She said flat toned "not really" I guess I left enough food with instructions

Wow.. I'm guessing she didn't clean anything up??

It must be a handful with her in the house.. (((Hugs)))

[caseysmom]

I left her a note that said that the dishwasher was empty to rinse your dishes and put them in there. The dishes were put in there not rinsed at all.

Also it was on the 3 day weekend, we got home late sunday night, first thing monday she plunks down all her laundry in the hall.....I told her, you should have done that while we were gone now I have all of your and all of ours. she was doing her own laundry at home, I asked.

[caseysmom]

My husband called to tell my somebody broke into my brothers house...just what I needed Luckily they didn't get anything, they ransacked it looking for stuff. They tried to steal his car but luckily the batter was dead. I asked my niece 5 times to bring the car key here because it was in a closet over there.

I have calmed down a bit I was just feeling frustrated over the weekend, thanks for letting me unload.

[Husky15]

Man, it's too bad the only remarks she has said about him were negative and that she didn't even cry. I think that you need to lay it down straight to her that she HAS to do something around the house or she is out. Sometimes shoving it in their face is the only way.

Also, it's good that the people didn't get anyting from the house and luckily the car battery was dead.

[caseysmom]

Yeah I was afraid someone would try that with the house, its been empty for a while. I am glad my niece wasn't there checking the mail or something.

She is at work right now, I left her a message that she is not allowed to go by the house after dark for a while.

She really is a good kid in so many ways it could be so much worse, she doesn't drink, doesn't have boyfriends, doesn't do drugs. She goes to church, wouldn't ever swear.

I love my niece and really hope she meets a nice guy and finds happiness in her life.

[Husky15]

Yes, thank goodness she wasn't there. That would have been terrible and you're right when you say not to go near there after dark. That's what usually happens to empty houses, it's a shame though. She sounds like a sweetheart, just needs to clean up a little bit more I wish you the best with her.

[carole]

You know everyone shows grief in a different way, even though you feel they were not close, i am sure she still feels something now he is gone, i do believe from what you have said she has always been that way,not doing anything to help,if she is depressed though even lifting a finger can be mamoth task, however you and you alone only know your niece, so i feel you are the only one who can set the rules,i would imagine she needs rules just like anyone else, if she is not used to that way of living, well she will get used to it in time, if i were you i would not be too hard on her right now, give her a chance to one get used to her new surroundings and two deal with the loss of her father, whatever her relationship was with him, i have no doubt she will be feeling some sort of loss.

It is obvious you love her, or why would you even bother to take her in and come here to vent, it is good you have a place here to do just that, hopefully some of our suggestions and opinions may help, hope so, take care and all the best.

[caseysmom]

Carol....thanks for your input. I feel exactly like you, I am trying not to be too hard on her right now.

Sometimes it gets harder than other times. Like last night she said I can't find the bottom of my cheesecake pan, I think someone that cleaned my house threw it away, I am REALLY mad.

Now keep in mind the coroner talked about having the house condemned, 10 people, myself and my daughter went and spent 5 hours cleaning. We were seriously vomiting while cleaning it was so bad. There was never a thank you for any of that. So in response I said "you shouldn't be mad, those people out of the kindness of their hearts cleaned your house and helped you, you got lots of money donated go buy another pan, hiring someone to do that cleaning would have costed a lot of money" Now keep in mind some of the pans and dishes were just so horrendous and filthy they did get thrown out.