Adopting from China...questions

[caseysmom]

There was a family on nanny 911 the other day, they had adopted 23 special needs boys from here and abroad. Her husband was a quadrapelegic, what a special lady.

[GoldenRetrLuver]

I agree with you, Donna.

I do understand that people want younger children, like babies, but I just can't help but feel sorry for the older children or teenagers. I know some people don't agree with this comparison, but I do think it is like adopting a puppy or a kitten from the shelter. When people are looking for an animal, what do they usually want? A young dog or a young cat. It's very rare to have a family walk into a shelter and want an older animal, at least in my experience. They don't want to deal with the behavorial problems an older animal might have, and instead want to try to start "fresh" with a puppy or a kitten. Same with a human baby. I'm not comparing animals to humans, but I am comparing the "want" or "need" for a younger baby, child, dog, cat, whatever.

Anyway.. I don't plan to have children when I'm older, but I highly respect those that decide to adopt children.

[Glacier]

Originally posted by moosmom
Okay, I may make some people angry but I've gotta say this.

What is wrong with adopting so many unwanted older children in the U.S.???

My childhood best friend is a foster parent in Connecticut. I also have a cousin who adopted a son from the Czech Republic 3 years ago, and is trying to adopt another child from the same place.

As a former child protection worker, I can speak to some of this. It is extremely difficult to adopt a child out of the foster system. First, most of them want to maintain a relationship with their biological parents. Adoptive parents may not want abusive people in their children's life and may not be able to or comfortable policing that interaction with bio-parents. It's very difficult to completely sever a biological parents right to a child, no matter what they did to the kid.

Even when the kids in permanent government care, the parents are still informed of plans and decision. Parents often have visiting rights, especially for holidays and special occasions, even in the kid is in care for good. Permanent care orders are also revokable. If the parent gets their act together, they can apply to the court to have their chidlren returned. Many children refuse adoption (older kids have to give their consent to be adopted) as they are holding on to hope that their parent will someday regain their care.

Kids in foster care also are often special needs. It takes a special kind of person to devote their life to raising a child with Fetal Alcohol syndrome. Many of these kids will never be able to function on their own. They will be children forever. That's not a task many people are up to.

The restrictions on adoption limit options. In Canada, you can't adopt a First Nations child unless you are also native and preferably from the same band. Over half of the kids in foster care in Canada are native. There simply aren't enough healthy homes from their own heritage to take them all.

Age is a huge issue for adopting. I have a good friend who is 50, his wife is in her late 30's. They were told they were too old to adopt a child in Canada, even an older child. He's a lawyer, she's a teacher. They are wealthy, settled, lovely people who happen to be infertile. They went to China and adopted a little girl who is the centre of their world now!

Ever smoke pot as a teenager? Don't tell someone doing an adoption home study. You will be denied. Even if you are now a professional 40 year old who does nothing worse than a beer on friday night.

Gay, lesbian? Chances are they will find a reason not to adopt to you without saying it's your sexual orientation. Sad, but true.

So for alot of people, it's not that much hassle, red tape or even money. They want a child and can't have one or adopt one here. So they look to foreign countries to find their children.

[wolfsoul]

The situation in China is unfortunate. Due to their one-child rule, most people there want a boy because he will carry on the family name. What I find terrible is that if they have twins, one of the twins has to either be adopted out or aborted. I think that's terrible! It's not their fault they have twins. If the mother chooses not to get rid of one child, the government will take away their house, their job, all of their sources of income, they will close their bank account, etc, until the person finally gives up the child. At that point they have nothing.

I don't think I'd ever adopt -- I'd like to foster older children though. I would rather switch from child to child, helping them as they go on their way, until they are adopted permanently by someone else. I love to feel like a teacher and a helper. I'm sure it would be alot of fun. I don't know if the government will ever let me foster though. I'm sure you have to have special qualifications. Do you need your ECE? I will have a large dog or two, and I'll have small animals as well as foster animals, and I don't think they would like that in a foster child's environment. Not sure.

[carole]

The other problem too is when a girl child marry's she leaves the home to be with the husbands family, so they loose a valuable worker, but if they have a son they gain another valuable worker.

[Cataholic]

Thank you, Glacier, for addressing just some of the confusing issues about adopting from your own country.

[mina'smomma]

Hey Donna,

While I agree with you and my fiance and I are going to adopt an older child from the US there is the fact that it is actually somewhat easier to adopt a child overseas than a child in the U.S. You don't have as much paperwork to go through and you don't have to worry about the birth parents decieding they want the child back. In the US they have one year from the time they are adopted for the natural parents to come and claim them.

[moosmom]

There are alot of good points here. I think Glacier explained it best.