Why do I let him get to me

[kuhio98]

What everyone else said!

I'm so sorry you didn't get the father you deserved. If your Mom and step-father have been there for you, have them walk you down the aisle. Why does your father think he has the right to change your plans? It's time to stand up for yourself. If you're old enough to get married, you're old enough to choose who will walk you down the aisle. It sounds like the honor belongs to your mom and step-father. They have earned it.

While I can muster up some compassion for your father, his life is what he's made of it. His selfish and poor choices have led him to this point. They were his choices. Not yours.

I think you are mourning the loss of the father you wished you had. Not the father you really have. You wished you had his love, respect and support. He doesn't sound capable of giving you want you want. That is HIS failing, not yours.

I hope in time you can give up the need to have his approval. If it helps, think of your father as a fire burning out of control. How many times do you have to stick your hand in the fire until you realize there's only pain to be had?

Time to set some boundaries with him. If he removes himself from your life, what have you really lost? Some DNA strands do not make a parent.

While my father is not as overbearing as yours, I felt the need to pretty much cut mine out of my life. Once I quit looking for him for some sort of approval, our relationship mellowed out. We only talk to each other a few times a year and it is always pleasant chit chat. Nothing deep or serious. And if he feels the need to comment negatively on my life, I just say goodbye and walk away.

It's your wedding. It's your life. Why in the world would you want to keep such a toxic person in your life? Just because he happened to impregnate your mother?

[Corinna]

ditto to all the above.

[Luvin Labs]

Everyone else has pretty darn well said what I feel about this.

Just because he's your bio dad doesn't mean diddly squat. He walked out on you and your mother and has therefore given up all rights to you and any right to voice his opinion.

Since it is your day, YOU get to choose who you want to walk down the aisle with you. If that sorry excuse for a father has no positive feelings for this occassion, frankly he is welcome to NOT SHOW UP... no need for him to cause you any stress on YOUR DAY. It looks as though he's given you no reason to try to keep in touch with him.

How is your relationship with your stepfather? Heck, have your mom walk you down the aisle (like some suggested).

and congradulations!~

[ILoveReptiles]

Whoa, Whoa, WHOA there. He walked out on you when you were one? He makes you feel like a failure because you're the only one of his children who hasn't given HIM grandchildren??!?!?!

WHOA. There are so many things wrong with this man I don't even know where to begin, but I'll give it a shot.

First of all - he gave up any paternal rights he had the second he "walked out" on you... Where does he get off thinking he can tell you how to run YOUR wedding...

And as for the grandkid thing - OMG don't even get me STARTED on that. I have nothing but disgust for parents who try to guilt trip their children to have kids merely for their own ends. You have how many other siblings? And they ALL have kids? Why do YOU have to give him grandchildren too? UGH! AAARRGGGHHH!! AAAHHHH!!! Is there an exploding head icon here?

There's NOTHING wrong with waiting until you can financially support kids to have them. There is A LOT wrong with just having them even if you can't afford it! God! I can't STAND this kind of thing. What the heck is is problem? He's ENCOURAGING you to jump into a life changing decision like that without first making sure you are mentally and financially ready for it?? ARGH!!! Ok I'll stop that vein now before my head really goes nuclear...

Personally, I'd cut off all communication with him, but not before you tell him that if he dares to show up at your wedding, you will have the police take him out of there in handcuffs if you have to!

UGH! I can't even IMAGINE. Just becuase he's your biological father doesn't mean it's OK for him to mentally abuse you.

As a last note - congratulations on your upcoming nuptuals, and don't allow him to ruin it for you!

[mina'smomma]

Originally posted by finn's mom
Donating sperm does not give a man the right to walk you down the aisle. Sorry if that's harsh. If you are closer to your step father, and, he has shown more respect for you, has helped to take care of you, has been there for you, etc, then that's who should walk you down the aisle. And, if that's not the case, but, you just don't want your father to walk, just have your mom walk you by herself. You can have whoever you want walk down the aisle with you. If this is too personal, you don't have to answer. But, is your dad helping to finance the wedding? Because I know that can make people feel like it's their right to do certain things. But, again, this is YOUR day. Listen to what people have to say, if you want, but, the final decision should always be yours.

Finn he hasn't had to pay for anything regarding the wedding. I would rather swallow vomit than to ask.

[mina'smomma]

With the support I've recieved from my friends here both in the thread and by pms I have made a decision. I'm calling my father after work and telling him that he can either accept things the way they are, or he can stay estranged from my life. Those are his choices. He has made his bed and he can lay in it. I was shown this weekend that I'm not in the wrong. My family has tried to tell me the same thing you have, but it took friends for it to sink in.

Thank you all very much for your help. Big hugs from me to you guys.

[robinh]

Excellent decision. You are definitely an intelligent woman. You've had some hard times lately and have come through them with grace and class. Don't let this person tell you any differently!