OMG, I am so mad at Jaden!

[kimlovescats]

Originally posted by Tonya
I was just logging on to tell you all that. We are going right now to donate ALL the gifts to the homeless shelter. If they're still up for volunteers, we're going to help with delivery today.

EXCELLENT IDEA, TONYA!!!!

[popcornbird]

Oh Tonya...while I do understand why you're so upset, I can't help but feel sad for Jaden. I know that as a parent, its important to have him 'learn his lesson', so he does remember this and learn from his mistakes, but then...he's only 7 years old. I remember being tempted by gifts at 7. We usually get gifts on Eid, and my mom used to buy them ahead of time and hide them from us. I 'knew' my mom had hidden them, and sometimes, I would go on a searching spree. I found them once, when I was around 7 or so. They were wrapped. I carefully took them out DAYS before I was supposed to, opened just the side of the paper, took a little peak at what it was, and taped it back how it was. My mom never found out because I never told her...knowing I would've been busted. I was just SO tempted to know what I got. Even without my mom knowing, I still learned my lesson. The gift wasn't a surprise, and I wasn't as thrilled as everyone else when I opened my presents, because I already KNEW what was inside. I never did that again.

Just saying that kids are like that. Its hard for anyone to resist, but for a child, its even harder. Sometimes kids don't realize what they're doing, but later realize and say, "OOPS", to themselves. I do believe giving his gifts to a charity is a good idea to 'teach him', and something he'll remember for the rest of his life, but I think giving all his presents is being too hard on him. He's a small child and was looking so forward to this day. Of course he made a big mistake and needs to learn from it, but please don't be too hard on him, and ruin his Christmas all together.

[caseysmom]

My daughter who is now 13 admitted that she has opened and rewrapped presents...and that basically it ruined it for her...I am sure she is still tempted though.

I would be more mad about him opening the god childs presents I guess he should learn to respect others property but I wouldn't be all that made about his...he ruined his morning.

[Karen]

Tonya has already said Jaden will get other gifts - "Santa" gifts and some from them - tomorrow that weren;t under the tree. So it's not like he won't get anything!

[caseysmom]

I guess all these stories have given me a soft spot for Jaden...I have girls and think I missed out some not having a boy...Jaden just sounds like he is all boy.

[Tonya]

Originally posted by Karen
Tonya has already said Jaden will get other gifts - "Santa" gifts and some from them - tomorrow that weren;t under the tree. So it's not like he won't get anything!

Yeah, he still has several gifts from Santa, a stocking, a gameboy and some gameboy games from us. So it isn't like Christmas will be destroyed. He's had Christmas for two weeks straight. He's opened up hundreds of dollars in presents from my dad's side of the family last week. A ton of toys from my mom's side the other day. My best friend spoiled him. And we still have two sets of inlaws to go to tomorrow. He gets enough toys to open a toy store every Christmas.

Carol- Hubby and I talked about this. I would have been more lenient if he was younger. I can understand a 4 year old doing this. Also, he did it so boldly. It wasn't like he impulsively opened a present or two. He sat down and opened several AFTER I told him not too. And immediatly after at that. It wasn't like I told him no a few days ago and he forgot what I had said. He went straight from my bedroom to the tree right after our converstation and started opening them up.

This was totally premeditated. He came into my room and told me to sleep in. He closed my door to keep the noise out. I thought he was being nice. He never does that, especially on Christmas. He is usually jumping on our bed telling us to get up. Not to mention he knew my husband was at work.

I understand that kids with ADHD are impulsive, but that is still no excuse. The kids with ADHD that are not disciplined are the ones that wind up being trouble in society. I can't make excuses for them. I have to teach him to be able to control himself. Not to mention his medication is working great for him right now. You'd never guess he has ADHD.

Anyways, we went to the homeless shelter and donated the toys that he opened today. When we left, he was crying. I asked him why he was crying and he said he was sad for all of the kids that don't have homes. He was worried that Santa cannot find them since they are homeless. I told him not to be sad because the gifts that Jaden gave will make the kid's Christmas and that Santa can find the children at the shelter. After that, he was very happy and proud. He felt really good about giving his gifts to them. He even said he didn't really need so many toys.

P.S. PCB- I totally remember that temptation! My quest every Christmas was to find out what my gifts were. I usually snuck a peak or two. But sitting down and opening 20 something presents is totally blatant. He probably had a whole hour of unwrapping. That's far from impulsive.

[carole]

Tonya I am glad you feel you did the right thing in his discipline, he is your child and you know him best, it just sounded a tad harsh, being xmas and all, I agree ADHD children need discipline even more so than children who donot have it, but it has to be the right kind, some things that work for other kids just donot work for ADHD children, so they learn absolutely nothing, except they are always in trouble and getting smacked or told off and punished, one cannot help but feel for these kids, as it seems that is all their life is about.

I also was not aware, he had lots of other gifts, I thought the poor wee chappie was going to get nothing, and my heart just went out to him, sorry if I questioned your decision, but you were kinda asking for advice.

Only you and you alone know what Jaden is really like and capable of , as long as you are happy with your decision, sounds like it was the right thing to do in the long run anyhow, he certainly learned about giving and seeing children so worse off than himself, that in itself is a wonderful lesson in life for him, so maybe his naughtiness was a mixed blessing in a funny kind of way, cheers.


p.s Tonya, ya know i love ya.

[Tonya]

Thank you, Carole. I love you too! I know that I run a rather tight ship, but I think that I use pretty good judgement too. I pick my battles. I took some parenting classes on ADHD children back when he was first diagnosed. I learned alot there, and you are right, disciplining an ADHD child isn't as simple. The biggest thing that I learned is that the punishments have to be immediate and directly related to the offense. For most ADHD children, yelling or timeouts are ridiculous. They are to busy thinking about the punishment to think about what their actions were. By the time you put them in timeout, they've forgotten what they have done, so it is pointless.

Jaden's a pretty good kid though. Mike and I were shocked, this was so out of character for him. He rarely gets into trouble. His ADHD is more problems with paying attention, not so much behavior problems.

[carole]

You obviously know your stuff Tonya, and are a great parent, never doubted that for one minute, I am probably way too soft anyhow lol, keep up the good work, and I hope you xmas is still a great one Dear.. despite all.

[Tonya]

p.s. I am not mad any longer. I feel guilty for saying that. I don't like it when I get mad at loved ones. I am glad that I sent him to his room at first instead of telling him I am mad, he's bad...or any of that other angry stuff that was going through my head at the time!

[carole]

Tonya pat yourself on the back for that, you did extremely well under the circumstances to hold back your anger, not sure I could do as well, good on you.

[chrangharris]

Way to go Tonya! You kept your temper when Jaden was really trying it! You came up with a swift and appropriate punishment which taught him more then one valuable lesson in the process!
At the same time, I'm sitting over here chuckling at Jaden's attempt- that was very bold and courageous of him to pull off! I'm sure in a few years, he'll laugh over it and said he deserved not to get the presents!!

[shais_mom]

While I was reading you're first post I looked like this



My nephews who are AWFUL most of the time actually haven't done that but I wouldn't put it past them.

Not being a parent myself, I can't put myself in you're shoes. But by watching my sister and friends children who act like demon spawn, I have a feeling I would run a tight ship also. I have a short fuse for some things.
But I think you handled yourself wonderfully. I applaud you. You gave Jaden a lesson he won't forget - that the GIVING is what Christmas is about.

[sirrahbed]

My DIL chrangharris told me a bit about this thread yesterday when she was here, so I am just now reading the whole thing.

Tonya - I am SOOO proud of how you handled the entire situation. The punishment was so very appropriate for the "crime" as punishment should be. Hubby and I were also pretty tight disciplinarians who used little physical punishment but lots of creative punishment such as you did and the kids tend to remember these things!

I believe Jaden will always remember this year and all of it will serve to make him a better person. Good for you, Mom!

PS, now if we can just get you to do the casual sex talking I am trying to locate Chris's rubber ducky video for you.

[smokey the elder]

I don't have kids either, but I think your solution was creative and will stick in Jaden's head. Good luck with him; he sounds very intelligent and willing to stretch the boundaries!