Self Injury

[flamepony12]

A kid that my friend knew for a long time drove his parents car over a cliff on Kanan road and committed suicide . It was horrible. he was the only one in the car though, not his parents . (This was not my friend, this was my friend;s friend.)

[NoahsMommy]

I used to be a child advocate for an abused child. She was 13 at the time and cut herself on her arms, legs and abdoman when she was going through a traumatic time.

She actually showed me her arms the first time she did it. She used a broken CD.

She explained to me that cutting/hurting herself physically was a way to try and tranfer emotional pain into something she could handle (and was used to), physical pain.

Its truly a horrible place to be in.

[Mandy1]

There are many reasons why people will chose to hurt themself.
Sometimes "Cutters" use self-harm to feel calm, "in control," of their body and life, others do it just to "feel something." Some people use it as a way to express anger against themselves
When people choose to cut, and hurt themselves it usually indicates that the person didn't learn good ways of coping with their feelings and stress. They’re not sick or screwed up; they just never learned positive ways to deal with their feelings and emotions.

[Miranda_Rae]

Mandy, you explained it pretty well.

Tonya, yeah thats what people who cut or w/e are trying to do sometimes, turn it into something they can feel/control etc. Thanks everyone for posting about this. I was just curious though, everyone has kind of posted people that they know who have done it, but they have never really posted what THEIR thoughts are on it.

[Miranda_Rae]

*bump* What do you guys all think of it?

[carole]

Micki I too felt the same way as you, I just did not get it, but coming on this thread has explained it very well, and I now have some understanding, I guess some people turn to drugs, food,alcohol or cutting, its just a way of releasing your emotional pain, please correct me if I got it wrong here.

For me it is a little hard to understand wanting pain, I have daily pain due to having fibromyalgia, and I would do anything not to have it, I did not choose to have this pain, and someone who cuts themselves does,so inflicting pain on oneself is extremely hard for me to fathom, but I am beginning to understand it a little.

I am not sure that it is not a form of a mental illness though, and i mean that ever so respectfully, just my thoughts.

[Miranda_Rae]

Originally posted by carole
I am not sure that it is not a form of a mental illness though, and i mean that ever so respectfully, just my thoughts.

Carole, you weren't disrespectful. Cutting or any other type of self injury (such as burning etc) can go along with forms of mental illness, such as depression, obsessive compulive, maniac, etc. I am sure there are a lot more.

[Tollers-n-Dobes]

My "friend" who isn't really much of a friend anymore had started that this summer I think she's quit now though, hopefully anyway.

[sirrahbed]

Yes, I have come in contact and know of several people - all women, who self mutilate - or are "cutters." How do I feel about it? I feel sad and compassionate about it the same way I feel about the behaviors that any of of use to deal with terrific emotional pain in our lives. I do not see it as "gross" or "disgusting" if that is what you are asking, but I know the cutters worry that they are seen that way. People that DO it feel like it is and are ashamed about it in the same way that people who use alcohol, medications, food disorders, other self mutilation such as hair pulling, burning, etc or self destructive behaviors feel - they turn to this when life seems out of control and this is a way to be in charge or control of one tiny part of their lives and brings a relief and catharsis - even though it essentially is self defeating.

The most recent women I have come in contact with, who are cutters, are though my attendance at retreat seminars and workshops for victims of clergy sexual abuse, which also includes many victims of sexual trauma and abuse as well. Most (at retreats) have resulting psychiatric diagoses such as PTSD- post traumatic stress disorder (mine), bipolor, MDD (major depressive episodes) and others.

Off topic a bit, but I have migraine headaches. There have been times when I have been so upset and frustrated with the throbbing that I have literally beat my head on the bedboard or the kitchen counter. The harder I pounded, the better I felt. Did my headache go away? No, but I felt the tension released. At the time, I was also disgusted with myself and figured so what if I damaged myself.

Anyone who feels the behavior is weird or gross just does not understand it yet. I would bet that everyone has behaviors that they would not want the world to know about for fear that others would not understand the reasons behind it. I had trouble understanding how cutting would bring relief but now I understand it better and know that it is these ladies' way of gaining control and numbing themselves. I have heard them say that the pain is nothing compaired to the pain in their heart. THAT I can understand.

[Miranda_Rae]

Oh Debbie, you explained it SO wonderfully. People who self injure are so ashamed of it and don't want any one to know, even if it is some one very close to them. Not everyone that self injures has been sexually abused, and they are not all women, although the majority are.

Devon, how did you find out about your "friends" self harm if you aren't that close to her?

[Tollers-n-Dobes]

Originally posted by Miranda_Rae
how did you find out about your "friends" self harm if you aren't that close to her?

Becasue she was my best friend for a VERY long time,we were pretty close friends Now I just don't have alot in common with her, she's into drugs and a bunch of really stupid things that none of you really need to know about

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

Unfortunately, yeah, I do know someone who cuts. It hurts ME so bad to see her hurting so bad. It probably hurts me more than it hurts her because of the distance between her and I, and the fact that I can't be there with her. I don't know how to help her, and I've caught myself crying when she tells me what she does to herself. I don't know if maybe she doesn't realize that it hurts me so bad, but I don't know what else I can do to help her. I don't think she knows how much I love her as a person.

[Miranda_Rae]

Devin, thanks for the reply. Did you stop being friends with her because of the SI or because of the drugs and stuff like that? You don't have to answer that if you don't want to.
Abby, I agree. I think it hurts the people around the injurer more than the it does the SIer. Because they feel helpless and they don't know what to do. They worry about what to say/ what not to say as they don't want to send the person into a cutting/burning whatever spree. It also hurts them deeply to see people they love hurting themselves that way.
Another reason people SI is because they have SO much self hatred toward themself that they don't know what to do with it, or so much anger they don't know what to do with that instead of hurting someone else they hurt themselves.
Debbie, isn't your daughter sirrahved? Cause I thought she was. Correct me if I am wrong. But anyway, if she is your daughter, did you know about the cutting when she was in middle school? If so how did you react/handle the situation? Just curious. It would be helpful for other people to know a parents perspective.

[Kfamr]

I'm with Micki. I don't believe i'll ever understand the reasoning behind this. Those who do cut/self injure themselves need a LOT of help, but the fact is a lot of them are too stubborn to recieve it.

That said, I know plenty of people who do it, and sadly it's almost become a trend and "cool" thing to cut yourself and show off your scars.

[popcornbird]

I don't understand this cutting thing either. I don't know anyone who does it personally. In fact...I never even knew people cut themselves so commonly until I joined PT. I guess I don't hang out with such people, so I'd never know who cuts themselves. Its really, very sad. I cannot understand how ANYONE could find comfort by hurting themselves. Really...I think people who cut themselves have serious issues in life and need help. I just don't understand it.