A question about marriage....

[KYS]

I also voted other.
I agree, everyone's situations is different.

(I "personally" think that married couples are
"usually" more commited to a relationship
because of that peice of paper.)

I also don't believe in long, drawn out engagements.
I would think that if a couple has been
dating for awhile.
(example a year) : should know
by that time whether or not their partner
is the right one of not.
JMHO


P.S. I did not move in with my husband till after we
were married.

[Chinadoll]

It's completely up to you and how comfortable you are with it. There is no right ot wrong answer..only what you feel is right for you.

As for me and Joey, we've been together for 6 years. Both of us living with our parents(or in my case, my grandmother) except for this past year when I got my own apartment. While he does spend time here, sometimes even days, we don't live together.

For us, I felt it was important for each of us to live on our own independent of our parents and each other....just for the experience and the responsibility. Something along the lines of knowing and being able to take of ourselves first before committing to living with the other person.

We plan to get married about a year from this October. Even when he comes back from his deployment overseas, I don't see us living together. My feeling is that I know he is the man I will marry. If we move in together, we may as well be married, and after all these years together, we deserve to do it right and have the wedding we both want.

But that's just us. Whatever you decide, don't let anyone try to make you feel bad about your decision. If that's what you feel in your heart is right for you, go for it.

[Cookiebaker]

Mark & I didn't live together before we got married. I really didn't want to because I felt exactly as Bnormal said it so perfectly:

However, my stock answer would be, "no". Do not live together before getting married. I think that part of the "fun" of newlyweds would be the "discovery" process of really getting to know each other on a new level. Doesn't the honeymoon lose a bit of its' luster if you pretty much know each other so well?

If I had it to do all over again, I would do it exactly the same.

[Twisterdog]

In my opinion ... whether your relationship is a success or a failure in the long term depends on so much more than whether there is a piece of paper saying you are married or not.

If you aren't compatible, having a marriage license is not going to suddenly make you compatible. If it's not meant to be, you're going to split up, regardless of whether you're married or living together.

On the other hand, if you are soul-mates and in love and compatible with each other, you will be together for fifty years whether you lived together for a couple years before marrying or not.

I guess I don't think a diamond ring and a marriage license makes or breaks a relationship, one way or another.

[bnormal]

Cookiebaker, thank you!

[Jessica12345]

I beleive that if your going to get married, you should know weather or not you will like living with that person. So before you make the huge commitment and have a big expensive wedding, I think that you should live together. Otherwise you might think the wedding was a huge mistake. just my oppinion.

[carole]

Each and Every situation is different, it depends on the people, their values etc etc.
However having said that, I think living together before marriage is a good idea, you do get to know the person better, their habits, good and bad.
I rushed into my first marriage, but with my second I still chose to live with my husband first, we married within four months of being together, I was older and hopefully wiser this time, we are still together 12 yrs later, so heres hoping, fingers crossed.

[IttyBittyKitty]

Literally!

Wow, Pet Talkers, I am impressed that this debate has not turned into a Religious vs. Secular flame Free for All!

I, too, have picked "other."

Each individual is different, as we all hail from a plethora of religious and ethnic backgrounds. This is the first factor that a couple must take into account. If one, or both, individuals are hesitant to live together before marriage, based upon the ideals which they were taught, then it is a bad idea. Guilt is a very powerful emotion, and can eat away at the foundations of even the strongest union.

For those couples who are not influenced by moral reasons against co-habitation, then it is a great idea! Why wait until you've had the expensive ceremony and the ring to start living your life together? Life is short. If it doesn't work out, then cut your losses. If it does, then think about the marital certificate. Divorces are messy, I've watched my Mum endure two of them. Best to try and avoid them if you can, especially if there are little ones involved. And I'm not just referring to the pets! :P

Scott and I have now been living together since April - and it's great! If it feels right, go for it!

[PayItForward]

This is something you have to decide carefully as there are pros & cons to either situtation.

Me & Steve have dated for 8 Years and lived together for 4/5 years on & off (The relationship was always on but we sometimes lived apart due to work.) and we have always been very happy.

Marriage can be very expensive, I know of a couple who spent £18,000 ($28,655) on their wedding which lasted 9 scant months. Not such a bargin at £2,000 ($3,183) per month.

There is no right or wrong way just the best way for you. Good Luck whatever you decide to do.

PS. For some reason, I strongly believe you should be married before bringing children into the world. A bit old fashioned but I think kids should have a family name and two parents (if possible), I think I have got this opinion off my mother ?!?

[CathyBogart]

No worries about that, neither of us has any intention of creating another life, at least until we're not only married but homeowners. Neither of us likes kids though, so I doubt it'll ever happen.

[cubby31682]

I have been with my husband for 5 years. We just recently got married. Out of those 5 years I lived with him for 4 and 1/2 years. I know kinda fast but, I at least knew how he was going to be when we got married. After you live with someone there is nothing for them to hide and if there is something you don't like about them you will find out while you live together.

Katie

[micki76]

Didn't live with the first one-divorced after 3 years. Lived with current hubby 1st-so far 7.5 years.
But they are light years apart, so that may be the difference.

[Tonya]

I've been married twice. (Yeah, I know that's alot for a 25 year old.) I didn't live with my first husband before our marriage. He was "the perfect man". Once we moved in together after the wedding, I learned so many horrible things about him! I would have never married him if I knew who he really was. Our marriage lasted less then a year.

I met Mike (my current husband) online. We talked about 6 months before we met in person. About two months after we met in person, we moved in together. A year after that, we married. We've been married for 3 years now with no problems. He can be a total brat at times; but at least I knew that before I married him!

[tikeyas_mom]

my mom and dad lived together and then had me then got married at the age of 21 and my dad was 22, I was 1 year old when they got married lol.

they havent divorced yet I dont think they will, they have been married for 16 years.

[Vio&Juni]

I would move in with him and live together at least for a while. I think it's easier to accept each other when you don't have yet the "stamp in the passport", as we say. We really have a stamp in the ID or passport that says if you're married and if yes, with whom

Frankly, I would prefer not to marry, but I still admire those who do that and don't lose love and respect for each other.