Parents

[wolfsoul]

I think that generally, because of newer harsher laws, physical violence is starting to die down in some places --- But I've had my share of bruises when I was younger. Not from being punched nessecarily, but the smacks I got were fairly hard. I was a good kid, but I had my bratty years...

Unfortunatly, I feel that what I had to suffer from (just spankings, things that alot of children go through when they are bad), has caused me to be hostile enough to almost - almost - hit one of my pets when I am angry at them. Of course at that point, I must be angry enough to feel like doing that, and it always makes me cry afterwards. Then I can sit there and wonder -- Did my mother ever cry after she hit me?

I remember being young, and constantly purposely hurting my friends, and when it was over, my mother would hurt me. Where is the discipline in that? I was terrible to my friends....

One time, when I was four, my best friend wouldn't let me on the swingset. So I took her over to the post that held up the roof to our carport. It had long nails pointing out both ways. I grabbed her by the hair and smashed her head against the nails several times. When it was over, there was blood everywhere, and my mother smacked me several times on my bottom. I didn't even cry. Not only that, I was in denial, saying that I didn't do it, that her brother did it, he should be punished.

This was what physical violence taught me. I never got over it. But I'm extremely glad that I didn't end up like my neighbor who had her mouth washed out with soup almost everyday. Parents are capable of harsh punishments...It's something in society that is all too common.

[RockyRoad]

Originally posted by primabella
I also used to feel a bit suicidal. I had lost all my closest friends (except for one)and they were all talking bad about me and it seemed like everyone hated me. I was having fights with people online and I just hated everything about myself.

That's exactly what is happening to me now (but thank goodness I have Pet Talk). I suppose it is just all a part of being a teen, like getting a taste at what life is like. Anyhoot, I stopped feeling sorry for myself and stopped trying to get people to feel bad for me. I taught myself to convert sorrow to anger(NOT in an abusive or physical way). So now I really don't cry often if anything happens to me, I get angry. (Bad method, but I think it works for me.)

I guess I am lucky as well to have parents that don't fight often or hurt. What I can do is say that for those people who do have those problems, I am terribly sorry. It is wrong for parents to severely hurt their children. {{{Hugs}}} To all those people in the world who must endure that kind of violence.

Just wanted to add that...

[binka_nugget]

thank god for pets hey?

[slleipnir]

Hows that not normal? lol everyone fights sometimes, its only healthy..Be thankful your parents still live together, mine separated when I was young and I hated it. But yes, the fighting is hard and it sucks..Parents should really try not to fight around their kids...

[marysmerrycats]

well I just wanted to tell you "younger ones" do not accept being hit as you get older and in relationships. its awful if your parents hit you, I think that teaches thats its ok. and its not. you are better than that so don't anyone hit you, like I said, I had a friend that got hit, for years, it was really bad. and it only gets worse, it won't go away. it will not stop, it will get worse each time.
and its not fair to take it out on the animals, they are even more defenselss because they can't tell anyone.

[popcornbird]

I'm with you Primabella. I'm grateful for having a wonderful family and thank God my parents rarely fight. Only like once a year for like 2 minutes. LOL The only ones who fight sometimes are my brother and I; typical siblings. Its more of a simple brother/sister argument that we get over with in a matter of minutes. Of course we all love each other, and although there is an occasional spanking, there's not beating, etc. The spanking was more when I was younger though. Now when I do something wrong, its more of a scolding. Mary, I think light spanking is neccessary for disciplining children. I have seen kids who's parents don't punish them when they do wrong and they are worse than monsters. Of course hitting hard or beating is definitely wrong, but a mild spank can be healthy at times. As long as its not injuring/hurting the child, but giving him/her a signal to behave, and that what he/she did was wrong.

I'm just happy that he smokes and drinks because it's just killing him faster...arg...

Binka Nugget, although you may not approve of your father's behavior towards you, that was a very sad statement. How could you be waiting for you dad to die? I've never heard any child make such a statement about their parents, and that is just so disappointing. Maybe you should hope and pray that he changes and becomes a good and loving father. That was just a sad sad thing to say. I'm grateful for the wonderful family God has given me. Its something I take for-granted until I see what other families go through.

[binka_nugget]

yea..it was a horrible thing to say..but meh...even if he doesn't die ...i just want him to leave us alone...he doesn't help my mom with our stuff...he just pays for what he has to pay..he doesn't help my mom with our clothing, our lunches and he is definately not busy. He sleeps most of the day. He's abusive, verbally and physically..I just hate him. But I learn to live with it I guess...I can't dwell on it forever. My mom filed for divorce..and he's leaving for china in a few years...so it's only a matter of time...

[marysmerrycats]

popcornbird

I completely agree with you.. a young child should be spanked, but not hit. and even as young as age one or two, they can have their hand/mouth tapped, lightly, not a slap. it teaches them I don't think a kid the age of 11 or so should be spanked anymore, I think after that other punishments are best.

[binka_nugget]

I think for our family, even tapping was something that wouldn't do any better. My mom had slapped me many times when I was a younger child...I think that contributed to my agressive nature. But for my youngest sister, my mom doesn't slap but just taps once in a while. My sister is starting to become more physically abusive to us. When she's angry at something, like something as losing a game of cards, she would come and threaten to punch me. She even tries to take things on out Kai and that's a big no-no. I'm okay with her trying to punch me because I sort of understand what she's going through but Kai is helpless so I get really angry when she does that. Agg...what a messed-up but normal family

[carole]

In New Zealand they are trying to pass a bill in parliament to make it illegal to smack your child. I believe this is already in practice in some european countries.
I personally dont agree with it, and dont want to c it introduced, but what will be will be.
There will always be people who carry a harmless smack too far, whether there is a law or not, i think there will be some innocent people made out like criminals if this bill is passed.
I was smacked as a child or given the odd slap as you would call it, i dont think it harmed me, i have given my own children a smack in extreme circumstances, but i tend to choose time out and withdrawing priviliges with them. smacking is not always the answer and nine times out of ten, its done in fustration from the parents.
I feel the government is going a little far, telling parents how they should or should not discipline their children.
I dont know maybe my views are wrong, but thats how i feel on the subject.

[carole]

By the way MANY THANKS to Jen for my lovely signature, i will beable to do it myself next time lol

[binka_nugget]

Originally posted by carole
i tend to choose time out and withdrawing priviliges with them.

I that is by far the best way to punish a child. I think smacking only teaches them to fear you and to use that when they have kids. I had always feared my mom until I was old enough to fight back verbally. She had told me to be good or else I wasn't getting Kai...which had worked wonders for me.

[cali]

*sigh* Why can't I have a normal family?

you call that not normal?? I would LOVE to be in your situation, I never have even 1 day of peace, the only reason my mom and dad are even staying together is because they cant afford to send me to school sepritly, they are splitting(thank God) when i graduate, i cant go ONE day without getting screamed at for nothing, my dad has thrown things, and swore, he has called me a twit, and an a$$, he has a temper problem and has to take counsling, a lot of people say he is verbally abusive, i dont really know, all i know is that I hate him, and have told him so. my mom cant stand him either. my brother is only 16 and he moved out, cuz he could not stand him anymore. we all wish we had the perfect family, but dont worry about it, a couple of fights is not so bad, my parents dont even sleep in the same room anymore just be greatfull that your parents are together, fighting occasionally is only healthy

[Aspen and Misty]

My parents used to fight. We never were there to hear it though. My mom would come out though and say awfull thigns about my dad. We all hated him for years. My sister raised me till I was 10. My dad was really sick, almost dead and my mom was cheating on him with some guy.

My parents are seprated, and I just found out tonight they are getting divorced theres no more hope for them I guess. It just makes me so sad and angry at the same time to know that I will never again live with my whole family. Its one paretn or the eother, if you wanna go to the movies you have to choose one parent or the other if you wanna go to the mall one parent or the other if you wanna go for a walk one parent or the other where to spend the weekends one parent or the other. ::sigh::

All I do is hide in my room all the time. Work wonders for me. Me and Novie walk alot also. Or we sleep, I sleep alot.

Ash

[Karen]

Originally posted by binka_nugget
oh don't worry..well I'm not like sad or anything anymore...but I haven't really gotten over it (i used the wrong words earlier). I hate him more now...he's always been a bad father...he doesn't even know how old we are. I'm just happy that he smokes and drinks because it's just killing him faster...arg...

Kiddo, you should talk to a pastor, counselor or someone about your relationship with your dad, okay? It's a lot easier to deal with when you've had a professional to help you through it. Think about it, okay? It's not normal, and it's not something you should just have to "get over" by yourself, it can impact the rest of the relationships you have in your life if you don't get help.