Hi everyone... Haven't been able to post for a while; real life is pretty chaotic right now.

My grandpa died two days ago. I have posted about him before and as some of you might remember he has been fighting leukemia for a long time now, going back and forth from his home with my grandma and the hospital. Now he has given up and he's gone. I don't think I've come to accept it yet... I didn't even cry at first but then I took this long walk in the pouring rain at midnight and just cried my heart out. It's just so hard to understand that I'll never ever get to see him again... I mean, I really thought he would beat his disease and be the healthy grandpa of mine he used to be but now it won't ever happen. I don't know what to do... I just can't belive it. Why does everyone have to die? I don't get it... My little Titti, my great grandma and great grandpa and now my grandpa... It's not fair, it's just not fair... I can't belive it.

I haven't been going to school these past days, something I know I'll get problems with since I've missed four tests and I'll miss another one next Thursday; when the funeral will be. I wish this Thursday would never ever come... I can't take funerals, I really can't. I've been to one before and dear God... I just can't take it, but I have to.

I wasn't there when he passed away... I got so mad at my dad because he, his two brothers and my grandma was there when he left and they could have called me so I could have came and said bye and now I'm crying again but... I wanted to be there. I never get to say bye... Everyone that's died I've never gotten to be there with... That's not fair. I know it's not my dad's fault but I wish I had known so I could have been there... I regret that so badly and I can never make amends for it either cause he's gone...

I've been trying to get my mind of it all by sleeping and working on my website. I was up til 3 am last night finishing my site up and now it's all re-design and majorly updated. That's nice I guess cause I've been wanting to do that forever now and it has taken my mind of it all very effectively. I wanna say something about my grandpa at my site but I didn't have the strength to write it out... I'll try to later. If you want you can check my site out at peachkin.com, tell me what you thought in my guestbook or here or whatever... I'm glad I have a website, it's a good way to get out feelings and just get your mind of life.

Oh and yeah, remember I found a little kitty? Well, she's doing just fine and her name ended up being Kattja. I made a page for her at my website too with tons of photos (she's a cute lil bugger). I will post some of those photos later in the cat forum, but for now you can see them at my site (I just don't have the strength to post them right now is all).

Another thing that makes me so upset is how people are so terribly greedy... I mean, my grandpa's funeral will cost a ton of money, and my grandma wants to put a little obituary in the newspaper this Sunday, very short and consise and that will cost 3500kr (that's roughly 350 dollars)! Of course we will help her to pay for everything but if we hadn't had much money either then what?! It's just so scary to see this world... Everything is about money money money, filthy money.

Well my contacts has gotten all blurry from crying, so I'm gonna get off a while now and just rest a while... Thanks for reading and letting me vent.