Yes, sometimes I really think I must have been a very bad person in my last life, why else do I have to deal with all these obstacles in my life? Many of you know that I'm dealing with various health issues, and that I'm not longer able to work, and that all this led to poverty and social isolation. I'm always alone, I can no longer go out and meet people since I'm feeling too ill, and most of my friends live far away, anyway.

With the beginning of September, I'm officially on disability pension. Over the last 21 months, since I lost my job, I went through many troubles with the health insurance, the unemployment office, and the welfare office. I won't go into details here, because otherwise, I would have to type for hours, but I can honestly say that none of these troubles were of my own making, sometimes it was due to a lack of communication within these autorities, or a wrong information I got, but all these battles took a lot of energy from my already burned out mind.

And it goes on and on and on. The latest crap: The police rang at my door this morning, telling me that somebody reported me. A woman had called them and told them that I have damaged another car in the parking area of a supermarket last week. I admitted that I've been there some day last week, but I didn't notice that my car has touched another one (and I'm sure one would hear it if that happened, right?). Even though they fond a tiny scratch on my car that could be from that incident, the entire thing seems strange to me. Especially when I later found the receipt from my shopping at that supermarket, the date on it was August 24, not August 25, as the woman who reported me has stated. So the entire thing is a bit fishy, to say the least... Have to show up at the police department on Monday, then I'll learn more. But all this is really more than I can bear, I've been through too much shit over the last years, and I'm fed up.

I know I haven't posted much lately, and I'm feeling sorry for this. But since I'm a member for so many years, I thought you should know. I'm feeling so empty and I feel there's not much left I could tell. More and more, I'm losing interest in all kind of things; I know I've given up, but I can't do anything about it. There's nothing positive, nothing to look forward to. I'm also sorry for Luna and Lily who have to deal with me, they deserve someone better, someone with a perspective, and with a life. I have none, and I'm feeling terribly ashamed for this.