Who should I get?

[tokolosh]

I'm placing this in the rescue forum because I do feel strongly about choosing a shelter or rescue cat, and because I figure experienced rescue people will be able to offer the best advice, insight, suggestions etc.

Assuming we are allowed to get ourselves another cat, I've been thinking almost full time about what kind of cat (personality) to go for and also how to recognise those personality traits when I see them. My history here is almost a problem. We had family cats all through my childhood, but that was a while ago And I wasn't the primary caregiver then so I didn't have the ultimate responsibility for their wellbeing. As an adult I've adopted one cat, and she turned out to be such a total keeper I've never really had to assess or negotiate 'consciously' choosing a cat. I tend to forget this and say grandly I've never met a cat I didn't like, but in fact it's not true. I have encountered a (very) few cats I truly disliked. And I've met quite a few I liked fine just because they were cats, but I didn't feel that I'd ever develop that heart-tugging affinity with them. Some very mellow, very easy going cats have even struck me as kind of [whisper] boring [/whisper].

I guess I just worry about ending up with one of those second types of cat. If I take someone, I don't think I could muster the gall to return them just because they weren't 'special' enough to climb right into my heart. I'd dump a guy for not being special enough, but not a cat I'd keep them and take care of them (scritches and cuddles and all, along with the food and the vet care). But of course I want both me and my son to be in love.

So here are my worries, in no special order.

- I think we like shy cats. I'm introverted, my son's introverted; we just have a natural empathy for introverts who come with fur. I'd rather give the love and attention and home to someone who isn't assertive enough to swagger right out there and grab it all for themselves. I go for the ones who are a little unsure they really are special enough to be loved and then bloom slowly when they discover they are. And/or someone who's unsure how they'll be treated until they find out they can trust us. We're both very quiet, very 'gentle' people and my son's practically a cat whisperer, but still . . . . my worry with this is that I'll end up with someone who's too shy even to warm up with US, or too skittery ever to settle down. I don't want to adopt someone who never will be at ease with cuddles and scritches and make us all unhappy with attempts to change that. Or someone who will be so nervous we have to tiptoe around our own home. I do have that neurotic landlord to worry about. I just feel like we can't really afford another cat who resorts too easily to trauma-peeing when you vacuum too many times in one week. Is there a set of behaviour hints I can look for to find the line here?

- I think I want a cat who's had a hard time up till now - either stray, or abandoned/given up by earlier families. I just kind of 'feel' it as a fairness thing. I also feel better with someone who's got some 'outside' smarts. Not that I'd sling the cat outside and close all the doors if it wanted to stay inside all its life, but we live at ground level, and windows and doors MUST be opened. So anyone we get will have access to the great outdoors, and I'd rather it knew what the great outdoors is. But at the same time I feel like we need a cat who WILL bond with us once we take it. If I had one of those walkabout cats who vanish for days or weeks at a time I think I'd fret myself down to the bone. Again, things to look for?

- Finally, we are unreasonable. Cat-having for us is an interactive thing. We definitely need to trade cuddles and scritches and head-bumps, and spend a certain amount of our lives with a cat on our laps. (I also have an unfulfilled yen for one of those cats who follow you around and natter at you about their whole day. Limpet was lovely and very interactive with us, but she was just like my son: silent when happy and only remembered she had a voice when she had rights to read us. The 'but' on this one is I don't think I can deal with one of those velcro cats who never leave you alone. I worry about getting a cat whose needs are greater than what I can meet. It's such a cycle - the more you resist the more they need, so the more you resist etc etc. Are there ways of predicting a cat who will be actively happy person-time but also intends to have its own life?

My problem is basically that I'm spoiled rotten and maybe don't deserve a new cat at all. We had a Formative Cat who was stuffed to the eyeballs with personality but also happened to be almost insanely sweet. Now I'm just plain spoiled. No other cat will be Limpet and I truly know that. I want all the personality all over again, but I don't want that to mislead me into adopting someone who would be better off with someone more experienced, more patient, with more spare time to give . . . When I read that over it does sound like I'm being unreasonable.

Thoughts? Experiences, anecdotes, insights? Advice?

[Karen]

Your story makes me think of my sister-in-law's beloved Miss Sofi - http://CatoftheDay.com/archive/2000/December/06.html - she was very shy and withdrawn from being at the shelter so long just because she was a black cat and hard to see in the shadows, but she became just the most spoiled loved - and still is Diva kitty, never loud, but always gets her way.

Maybe a kitty like her would be right for you to bring home to love?

(No Sofi, I understand, there is no other kitty like you, I know ...)

[chocolatepuppy]

tokolosh, it seems I just adopted the cat you want, my Tessa. Sorry, I'm keeping her! I know what you're saying, you want a certain cat that 'acts' a certain way. It also seems you're also aware, with cats, you get what you get!
Good luck with your new kitty/cat, no matter his/her personality I'm sure you will love it just the same. It seems the only way to get just the cat you want is to have a few. All three of my cats have different ways about them.

[jenluckenbach]

I TOTALLY understand that you want what you want. But with that said, I (as a foster mom to rescue cats) would be leary to adopt to you. If only for the fact that I could never guarrentee how an animal will behave in another's home. I could only tell you how said cat behaves in MY home.

Which is a clue to where you should start looking. Contact a rescue group who's cats live in foster homes. These people should know their cats' pesonalities the best. A lot better than cats who live inside a cage all day.

The second best type of rescue is where the cats live free-roaming in a building/room. At least then you can go and sit with them and interact with them in their own environment. They will act more like themselves than if they were just released from a cage to meet with you.

I agree whole heartedly that shy cats are wonderful pets. The feeling of joy one gets as they blossom, is without description. I have several cats like that myself, but each and everyone of them will only develop to the best of their abilities and there are no guarrentees.

I wish you much luck and happiness in your search.

[Freedom]

I TOTALLY understand that you want what you want. But with that said, I (as a foster mom to rescue cats) would be leary to adopt to you. If only for the fact that I could never guarrentee how an animal will behave in another's home. I could only tell you how said cat behaves in MY home.

I agree. Plus, many of the cats I took in to foster needed time to adapt. Unless I'd had them a year (by which time I had adopted them myself), I really couldn't tell you what they will be like.

I agree whole heartedly that shy cats are wonderful pets. The feeling of joy one gets as they blossom, is without description. I have several cats like that myself, but each and everyone of them will only develop to the best of their abilities and there are no guarrentees.

I have 3 who still, after 3 years, are working on "blossoming."

[moosmom]

Jenlukenbach,

YOU hit the nail on the head. I agree that people want, what they want, WHEN they want it. That's the sad part these days. That's when pets wind up in shelters. Or dumped when the pet doesn't meet their expectations.

I adopted B@D @$$ Buddy to a guy named Hal, who wanted to mold him into his beloved RB kitty. Well, BAB wound up being swatted with a newspaper (he would cower whenever hal picked one up) and OVER squirted for doing what what comes naturally, wanting to be high up!!! BAB would knock stuff off the mantle, scratch in inappropriate places (he had NOT cat scratcher!!). After 6 months, I pulled Buddy. He's now at my house, happy as a clam!!!

I wish you luck, Tokolosh.

[cassiesmom]

The second best type of rescue is where the cats live free-roaming in a building/room. At least then you can go and sit with them and interact with them in their own environment. They will act more like themselves than if they were just released from a cage to meet with you.

I adopted my kitty from a no-cage shelter. Her personality (purr-sonality?) continued to develop for a long time after she came to live with me. Sometimes I think it's still a work in progress! She has never been a lap cat and it took me a long time to realize that I would never be able to make her into one. I'm sure any kitty you adopt will be a wonderful addition to your family.

[mrspunkysmom]

I don't think you are being unreasonable. You have some concerns that need to be addressed and resolved.

I think you are rushing this. Take your time choosing a cat or two. One might choose you down the way a way and it will work. I've only chosen a cat once. The other 4 are rescues, so to speak.

AS for outsides cat - outside is dangerous. Perhaps you can find a cat that hasn't been out much and prefers indoors. My Jane was a throwaway who found her way to my porch. She refuses to go out and moves away from the door when I open it.

What do you mean by "all window and doors MUST be opened?" Do you have screens or are other animals and assorted bugs allowed to wander in? And you can buy screens to fit in open windows that have no outside screen.

AS far as cats wanting outside - Sometimes cats think they want outside. Spunky and Sam think they want outside. They love the window view and love chasing bugs. But outside is not safe. I say 'no', and they have learned to accept it.

Have you ever seen a bird dive-bomb a cat? The birds might be prey but they come with defenses.

I have invested in cat trees indoors. It gives them plenty to do and allows them to be up high without damaging my furniture.

Take your time. It will work towards yours and the cat's benefit.

I'm placing this in the rescue forum because I do feel strongly about choosing a shelter or rescue cat, and because I figure experienced rescue people will be able to offer the best advice, insight, suggestions etc.

. . . . . I also feel better with someone who's got some 'outside' smarts. Not that I'd sling the cat outside and close all the doors if it wanted to stay inside all its life, but we live at ground level, and windows and doors MUST be opened. So anyone we get will have access to the great outdoors, and I'd rather it knew what the great outdoors is. But at the same time I feel like we need a cat who WILL bond with us once we take it. If I had one of those walkabout cats who vanish for days or weeks at a time I think I'd fret myself down to the bone. Again, things to look for?

. . . . . .being unreasonable.

Thoughts? Experiences, anecdotes, insights? Advice?

[tokolosh]

I don't think you are being unreasonable. You have some concerns that need to be addressed and resolved.

I think you are rushing this.

I think you are right. But at this point all I'm rushing is the thinking aspect - and possibly overthinking the entire process, since that's how I tend to operate about certain things. Weeks of agonizing, then a split decision that always turns out to be one I never question again, once it's made And it's partly just my way of still keeping 'cat space' in my head - thinking about theoretical cats is better than not thinking about cats at all.

One might choose you down the way a way and it will work. I've only chosen a cat once.

Yup. My sister mentioned that she acquires cats almost accidentally, recently. She's a drooling slave to the ones that she has, but she doesn't analyse any of it very much. I analyse the snot out of things, but I seem to actually acquire my cats by coup de foudre.

What do you mean by "all window and doors MUST be opened?"

I hope I didn't say 'all'. Although we have do two people with two bedrooms, and both of us do need air. Screens are something that actually never occurred to me, so I can look into that. But doors must be opened at least a few times each day so the humans can go in and out. Kibbles don't just walk through the letter box all by themselves, you know

Spunky and Sam think they want outside. They love the window view and love chasing bugs. But outside is not safe. I say 'no', and they have learned to accept it.

To be honest, that's not the definition of 'determined' I'm trying to think ahead for. When we got Limpet we were full of great plans to keep her indoors all the time, and we fully intended to do it. She loved all three of us so much we imagined it couldn't be hard and we loved her so much we didn't want a single raindrop to fall on her. We HAD to keep her indoors for about five months anyway. First she was sick when she came to us, then she came into heat, then we had her spayed (SPCA hadn't done it when we got her, and she was so anaemic and ill we had to get her better before it was safe) and there was stitches drama that added on several more weeks (they eventually had to super-glue her incision closed and add stitches and a cone) on top of that. Even when she was well again we kept on trying. We got her before Christmas and we didn't give up well into the summer of the following year.

During all of that time we NEVER got her reconciled to the idea. Never even got close. Every entrance and exit from the house was like a SWAT team operation with three people involved. We literally had to pick one person to go in or out first, range the other two behind that one with hands at the ready to grab, and then the first one had to smear themselves all over the crack in the door (to block her access) and open it and move through with their body pressed between doorjamb and door like toothpaste leaving a tube. Please believe I'm not exaggerating this. Even then she often got through the gaps around the legs while the torso was passing through. With groceries or anything that tied up your hands or forced you to open the door wider than a human body, forget it. And it did not let up. When I think about it now, I get this image of her getting a single elbow into a tiny crack and then levering until she's achieved her escape

She had full access to huge windows from every room and both floors of the house, height, spiders to murder, tons of space, lots to play with - all the mitigations and compensations we could think of. She made it real clear she was ecstatic to live with us and intended to stay until the sky fell, and all she ever wanted to do out there was take a quick prowl through her turf and come straight home again to her laps. After trying for all those months and getting nowhere we could have returned her rather than keep living under conditions like that, I guess, but we didn't.

I do understand that outside is safer than the inside. This is turning into a whole polarized debate, but all I intended to say was that IF I find myself with another determined Houdini like that, I would feel better about its chances if it had some ability to handle the hazards out there. And I just don't like making promises I don't know for sure I can keep, so I'm not prepared to sign those 'I will keep this cat indoors all its life' papers some shelters want.