Betrayed by a very close, personal friend...

[K9soul]

I guess I am rather confused by this whole thing. First of all, having once been employed by a city newspaper typing obits among other things, the info usually comes from the funeral home handling the funeral from info the family gives them. There can easily be mistakes and miscommunication.

But most of all, if this person has been a close friend for 30 years, why would you immediately, without ever speaking to him about it, assume the very worst of him with no explanation, especially during a time when he is, I assume, grieving the loss of his mother? All deep friendships in my experience have some ups and downs, but if this person has been someone you could tell anything to and vice versa, why would you end the friendship immediately and so drastically without even talking over the issue with him and finding out the situation?

I have known plenty of people who were engaged to be married who started referring to themselves as husband/wife even before the actual wedding, especially if they are already living together. I just don't understand I guess what the big betrayal is here.

[RICHARD]

If you stand a man on his head naked, He can still do the Pinochio thing-the body part just changes.

[moosmom]

RICHARD,

Thanks. I needed to laugh.

I appreciate all your comments and am not offended in the least.

Taz Zoe,

Yes, it's one and the same.

I always give people the benefit of the doubt. But he had a "wedding ring" on his left hand one day when I met him for lunch. I asked him if he was married and he said, "No, I wear it for my job" (he's a funeral director). He wears it for his job???? I could never call him at work cuz he was paranoid someone would see it someone other than Chris calling and squealing. I always had to beep him and he'd call me back. One time I went to his house (he cooked me dinner) while Chris was away on business. I noticed a wedding dress hanging in the bedroom door. I asked him about it. He had an answer for that too. He said he'd been bugging Chris to put the thing in the attic as it was an eyesore. Uh-huh.

He's got an answer for everything. I'm tired feeling like sloppy seconds. He's been a little distant the past few months, not calling me like he always used to.

I've given him his space.

I just want to say that I'm so SOOOO lucky to have such wonderful, caring friends here on PT. I don't know what I'd do without you guys. You're the best and I love you all.

[Puckstop31]

1.) I am truly sorry for the grief you are having. Really. I don't know what to tell you. Trust is indeed a fragile thing. When it is broken, it is hard to repair. The only real advice I can give is this, the same thing I tell everybody who is going through a rough patch. FIDO. (Eph It, Drive On.) *Translation - Learn from what happened and move on.*

If you dwell on it, he wins.

2.) I LOVE my wife more than anything. God has blessed me with the woman of my dreams. The point of this being that ther eis that ONE person for everybody. Be patient and you will find each other. (Tanya and I are a case in point...) If you force it, it may never happen.

[Catty1]

Donna, are his eyes brown? Cause he sure is full of it!

[dukedogsmom]

All I can say is been there and done that (or had it happen, anyway), at one of the worst times of my life by someone I thought was a good friend. I'm sorry it happened but don't let him have that power over you.

[Vela]

Well from the sounds of it, for whatever reason, he wanted to keep some things a secret, I really don't know what his motives would be, but unfortunately sometimes those things happen in life. While it sucks a whole lot and you feel very hurt by it, the only thing you can do is move on. He sounds a bit sneaky honestly, if all that you said was true about the ring and dress. That's a bit strange on his part! It probably is best to just move on if he's being that sneaky about things. A guy like that is going to end up found out by everyone and it'll come back to bite him in the butt. Better to find out now before it causes you even more grief down the road I guess.

[Pam]

RICHARD,
But he had a "wedding ring" on his left hand one day when I met him for lunch.

I could never call him at work cuz he was paranoid someone would see it someone other than Chris calling and squealing.

(he cooked me dinner) while Chris was away on business.

I noticed a wedding dress hanging in the bedroom door.

4 big red flags! I don't think it would take Colombo to see through that.

[moosmom]

Bob who??? Oh believe me, I've moved on. I have nothing more to say on the subject. The writing is on the wall. It's just sad that it ruined a truly wonderful friendship based on trust.

I'm a little angry at myself for being such a fool. But I'll get over it.

[moosmom]

One last thing...he's been married since 2003. I found out through the town's bureau of vital statistics.

End of Story

I've been played for a fool and am NOT happy about it.

[Puckstop31]

I'm a little angry at myself for being such a fool. But I'll get over it.

No need to be angry and you were not a fool. YOU were the open and honest one. Last time I checked, that is a good thing.

Nice people get burned all the time. It is sadly the way the world works. Think about it this way, you should be proud of the fact you are walking away with your head held high. HE is the one who should be angry and ashamed, not you.

[moosmom]

Thanks Puckstop31. I needed that. I took tonight off from work and am going swimming to clear my mind and get some exercise.

Again, that you all for your advice and comments. It means alot to me. You all are TRUE friends.

[RICHARD]

4 big red flags! I don't think it would take Colombo to see through that.

Oh, lolololololol.

With WHICH eye?

[carole]

Hey Donna just be thankful you are not his wife, it is her i really feel sorry for don't you?

Anyhow glad you are not letting it get to you too much, at the gym do they have those punching bags, you could pretend it has his face on and go for it girl, lol.

[jennielynn1970]

Hey Donna just be thankful you are not his wife, it is her i really feel sorry for don't you?

I was just basically thinking the same thing. He wasn't just lying to you, he was lying to his wife as well. What a piece of crap he is. Seriously. You can only beep him, not call him. He had you over for dinner when was out of town. Ring on the finger for show.

Sadly, I'm betting there's lots more you AND his wife don't know, and others neither of you know about.

If the wife is smart, she'll be without a ring in the near future. Without trust, there is nothing.