Your situation really touches my heart deeply, I can feel your pain and anxiety in your words. I used to have a job I worked at that I had loved, but for some reason I started to gradually struggle and go downhill emotionally until even just coming in the door at work in the morning made me want to close the door to my little office and cry. It got debilitating and I finally had to take short-term disability. I felt guilt about it, they were short-staffed and I felt I was putting a huge burden on my co-workers who would have to pick up my "slack."
I spoke to a psychiatrist and took about a month off to heal. I felt I was doing better, my anxiety and depression seemed to ease off more, I didn't feel so "trapped." That's the only word I can really think to describe it, I felt trapped, even though my job was not miserable, was not something I abhorred doing by any means.
I felt ready to return and did so, but that day it all came crashing back. My supervisor said maybe it was too soon yet, and I had to leave again and extend my time out.
Ultimately I ended up taking a new direction with my life, I made the decision what it was I wanted to do and pursued that. It took some time, and there was hardship on the way, and I felt for a long time I had failed my workplace that had been so good to me. But in the end I know I did the right thing. It was a very difficult time but I have never gotten to the point I was at then again.
This may not be what you need by any means, but perhaps some change, whether it be job-related or just in general life-related, is what you are craving and needing. I think counseling, or even just talking with close friends and family, to get to the root of things, think about what it is that deep down you may be craving to change in your life. Of course, treatment for depression may also really help in this too. I truly hope you are able to get out of this 'rut' you feel stuck in. At least, that is how I felt, and I empathize with you.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers, and I am sending warm {{hugs}} across the miles to you.
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