Despite the friend thing, I am just terrified of life right now. Since I left Dan I just feel so lost. I am really really honestly scared. I have never been so scared in my life. Everything I do freightens me. I can't even start on a simple resume, as I know I am going to fail. It sucks. And I hate feeling like this. It makes me so angry that I ever put myself in this situation in the first place.

I care about my friend so much more than he will ever know, and I wish I could just take back all of the things I ever said or did to him and make everything better, but I can't. I can't turn back time. I just want him to know I care about him but I've never been one to express myself in person. Even though there is so much I want to say I just won't be able to say it. I never used to be this way. I've hurt so many people over the past 6 months. It's like I didn't care. Nothing effected me, but now it's hitting me and I realize I've made a big mistake. I don't know what to do. I really am nice, and I care about people, so why all of a sudden am I acting so out of character? I don't understand it.