Well good news!

I just talked to my father on the phone!!! YEA!!!.. It was sooo good to hear his voice. It is groggy still but that is to be expected. And now I have the phone number for his room by his bed so he can answer the phone himself! His sister Jeanne and her husband Tom were there when I phoned so I didn't stay on long but I promised him I would phone him later.

My father has always been a distant and unemotional man. I could probably count on one hand the number of times in my 42 years that he has said I love you to me. He says it in other ways. But mostly not until the last 5 years or so. He is an alcoholic and has been since I was a child. He wouldn't admit to it or deal with it ever. The only thing that made him deal with his alcoholism is when he was diagnosed with diabetes about 6 years ago. For many years we didn't even have a relationship. When he and my mother divorced when I was 19 and already gone from the house he sort of divorced me also. But after 15 years I started working my way into his life again. It has been a long hard struggle. The fact that my mother lives with my husband and I made it harder for my father because of the animosity from him towards her.

But we kept working through it all. He drove out here to PA for my wedding 3 years ago. So I hadn't seen my dad since I was 20 years old, I was getting married at the age of 39. It had been 19 long years and he showed up the day before my wedding. I also had never met my future in-laws and they showed up the day before my wedding also but that is another story. It was sooooo scary and so stressful. But it was also so wonderful. My father had given us 5000 for my wedding. He was so proud. But I didn't know that. I knew what effort it had taken for him to come but I didn't realize how proud he was of me. I had gained like 100 pounds since he had last seen me and growing up in San Diego with that attitude I felt like a failure.

Over the last 3 years he has shown how much he loves me by keeping in touch and buying extravagant gifts for the occasions. I got the Roomba vacumn cleaner when it first came out, a DVD recorder, a talking remote thermometer for cooking, full spectrum lights called Happy Eyes and boxes of food from Omaha Steaks plus much much more. He always spends at least 500 dollars. But he never says he loves me. When I tell him I love you dad at the end of the conversation I get..."uh huh".

This evening I said I love you dad and he said....I LOVE YOU TOO!!!!!. *LOL* That was such a great thing to hear him say. AND IN FRONT OF HIS SISTER!!!!! Of course it is probably still the drugs but he said it! I knew he felt it...it is just nice to hear him say it! I also found out from my snotty cousing Doreen that he had shown everyone my wedding video. That he was so proud of me he couldn't wait to show them all my wedding.

Sometimes it takes awful things to happen so that something equally as wonderful can also happen. The balance of the universe you know...the ying and the yang. You just have to have faith in whatever you believe in.

Now I am going to phone the hospital gift shop and have something sent up. Thanks for all your support...I really and truly appreciate it.

Denyce