Fox-Gal,

I HAVE been in your shoes.

My brother and I have never been close either. He is 5 years older than me. When I was young, he molested me. It goes alot deeper than that, but it's too involved to get into. My brother hadn't talked to my Dad in over 15 years.

Thanks to my brother, I suffer from depression and have been on medication since I was in my early 20's.

Anyway, when my Dad was sick, I was his sole caretaker for 2 1/2 years till he died in 1997. My brother never once called or offered any help, regardless of the number of times I called him and told him that his father was dying.

When my father died, my brother invited me to his home in Mass. for the weekend. To say it was a strained visit was putting it mildly. I felt very uncomfortable the entire weekend, even though his wife saying "Talk to your sister, Dave, talk to her!"

I got no sleep that night. I was very uncomfortable and wanted to go home. By Sunday morning, I told him I needed to hit the road because I had stuff to do before going back to work on Monday. I cried the whole way home and was depressed beyond belief for weeks.

Do what makes YOU feel comfortable. Don't go to your brother's house because you feel guilty. You'll regret it. And if your other brother feels the need to get involved, that is HIS problem, not yours. I never got involved in my brother's issues with my father. I still don't know what happened, and at this point, it doesn't matter anymore cuz my father is dead. The only thing I DO know is that my brother will have to deal with the guilt and the "issues" for the rest of his life. He will also have to deal with the fact that he left so many things left unsaid when my father was found dead in his apartment. Again, that was HIS choice.

Since you and your Dad have spent every X-Mas together, keep the tradition going. My brother asked me to come to his house for Christmas with my daughter shortly after my Dad died and I declined. I have never regretted my decision.

Hang in there girl and cherish your Dad. I did.