Ah, Tonya, I know how you are feeling. I felt the same way when my mother died 10 days after my 13th birthday. There I was just a kid: no good to anyone. My dad and brother needed my mother. I would have traded places with her in a heartbeat and never questioned it. Now, almost 40 years later, I still don't know why. I have little family and never did anything great with my life. I think we aren't supposed to know the reasons behind everything. Maybe I was here to help my dad through the last years of his life or maybe just to be a friend. I have learned that what can't be changed has to be endured; sometimes one second at a time. Believe it or not, the sun will shine again and you will smile and even laugh again. When that day comes, you are not bad for enjoying life. Your friend would want that for you. Believe that she loved you and would want the very best for you. You have two new angels in heaven watching over you now.

(plus I would be a very sad, lonely old lady without you).