Although I truly understand your frustrations with this friend and your need to have things the way you want them in "your house", one thing kind of pops out at me. Is she suffering from depression? Not the kind that comes every once in a while, but actual clinical depression. I had a friend that suffered terribly and got to the point where she would not even get out of bed. When you are clinically depressed, even the simple act of doing the dishes or looking for a job can be a huge thing.

Have you ever read Karen Pryor's book "Don't Shoot the Dog"? She talks about operant conditioning and the 6 types of reinforcement. She is an animal trainer, but her methods have been used on people as well and very successfully.

A couple of things I would try - when it is time to do the dishes, cheerfully call her to help and say something like "Hey lets do the dishes and while we are doing them we can gossip about so and so". Tell jokes - make it fun.

When it is time to look for a job (which I personally think is the most horrendous thing in the world), start by going on a shopping trip for an interview outfit. Make it fun and rewarding. A new outfit, a new hairdo, a cocktail hour will do wonders for her self esteem. Plus if men notice her in her new outfit, she will stop thinking that the kind of man she is used to dating is all there is.

Can you plan a time daily that the cat gets to come out of the bathroom for some playtime? Make it fun, but also educational. Buy a 99 cent clicker at Petsmart and start teaching the cat to sit. It is amazing what a cat can learn from a clicker and a little wet catfood on a spoon. Plus your friend will start realizing how much more fun pets are when they are trained and happy.

Do these sound like dog training skills? ABSOLUTELY but they do work - even for people!