Princess_Snow,

I also took care of a feral that I could not get close to. His name was Shadow and he lived in an abandoned building where there were crack and heroin addicts as well as homeless people. I went there 2x/day to feed him and he would always come when I called. I could never get more than 8-10 feet away from him without him running. As he scarfed down his food, he would keep his eyes on me at all times. This beautiful feral Tuxedo lived through 10 New England winters, getting fed every single day by one of our volunteers or, for the last 3 years of his life, me.

One day I went to his spot and called. He never came out. I kept going for over 3 weeks, leaving fresh food and water. It went untouched.

I felt sad, but knew that for a feral cat, 10 years is a LONG time to survive out in the wild. Usually, a feral cat's life span is only about 2 years, if that. I just told myself that Shadow decided to move on. You cannot beat yourself up over it either. As my Dad would always say, "Nature is VERY cruel".

It's okay to feel sad. Cats always go where there is a food source. Perhaps someone ELSE started feeding him.

All you can do now is say a prayer for him and look ahead. Believe me, there are MANY more of them out there. You did your best.

And don't ever feel like your posts are long or boring, because they're not. That's what we are all here for, support, encouragement and a shoulder.

((((((((hugs))))))))