It sounds like u had a very rough childhood, but u know the great thing is something good came out of it, u obviously adore animals, and i am sure u are glad u did not share your fathers feelings towards animals, did your mum pass this on to you?
To do that in front of 6 yr old child haunts me, it must have had a huge impact on you.
Children often blame themselves for everything, just remember none of it was your fault, hugs to you.Your memories are painful to you , and they will never leave you, i am so sorry u had to go through such ordeals, i hope it has not scarred you too much hugs again .