I am glad you came back here to Pet Talk, where more of us are, and more often, and where it is a safe place from trolls and lurkers.

Honestly, I rarely recommend this, but I think you, he and the adult kids need a counselor, whether it is a pastor, a professional family counselor, or someone else. Obviously everyone is quite set in their own opinions, and nothing will come of everyone just restating their own opinions as the "right" ones. Is there some third party you could trust with this? You could start with just the two of you, then ask the kids each to attend when the counselor feels you are ready.

You are not off-base in saying they should be the ones to pick up and drop off. Every other daycare situation in the world works this way. And only the little ones are being hurt by all this bad behavior on their parents' parts. I am sure that is not what you want to happen, nor Grant, either.