Registered User
A doctor walks into an exam room and finds his patient seated on the exam table, dressed in a gown, with a banana in his left ear, a carrot stuck like a pencil behind his right ear, and applesauce smeared all over his face. The patient has a distressed expression. "Doctor, can you tell what is wrong with me?" he asks anxiously.
"Sir, it's very simple," answers the doctor. "You are not eating properly."
Praying for peace in the Middle East, Ukraine, and around the world.
I've been Boo'd ... right off the stage!
Aaahh, I have been defrosted! Thank you, Bonny and Asiel!
Brrrr, I've been Frosted! Thank you, Asiel and Pomtzu!
"That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas
"We consume our tomorrows fretting about our yesterdays." -- Persius, first century Roman poet
Cassie's Catster page: http://www.catster.com/cats/448678
Friend of Animals
Truism Puns
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger
Then it hit me.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
He's all right now.
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison
was a small medium at large.
I've Been Boo'd
I've been Frosted
Today is the oldest you've ever been, and the youngest you'll ever be again.
Eleanor Roosevelt
Registered User
Five sit-ups a day...
Praying for peace in the Middle East, Ukraine, and around the world.
I've been Boo'd ... right off the stage!
Aaahh, I have been defrosted! Thank you, Bonny and Asiel!
Brrrr, I've been Frosted! Thank you, Asiel and Pomtzu!
"That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas
"We consume our tomorrows fretting about our yesterdays." -- Persius, first century Roman poet
Cassie's Catster page: http://www.catster.com/cats/448678
Registered User
Q: What is a pirate's favorite letter?
A: The C.
Praying for peace in the Middle East, Ukraine, and around the world.
I've been Boo'd ... right off the stage!
Aaahh, I have been defrosted! Thank you, Bonny and Asiel!
Brrrr, I've been Frosted! Thank you, Asiel and Pomtzu!
"That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas
"We consume our tomorrows fretting about our yesterdays." -- Persius, first century Roman poet
Cassie's Catster page: http://www.catster.com/cats/448678
Registered User
I just finished reading this whole thread, and did a lot of laughingThanks everybody!
Owned by my baby and heart-dog Lolli.
If each pet we love takes a part of our heart and replaces it with a part of theirs, my heart is a very strange collection of pieces, but I wouldn't have it any other way
Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go, and then do it. --Ann Landers
Mayor
Now you need to tell a joke of your own!
I've Been Frosted
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"I went horseback riding on the weekend," Bill told his friend."How was it?" Sam asked.
"It started off well; my horse was wonderful. He was trotting kind of fast, but I didn't mind.""Great," said Sam.
"But then he started to gallop. I got nervous, and before I knew it, my saddle was tilting to the left. In no time I was hanging upside down and my head was bouncing off the ground."
"Good grief! How did you manage to get off without any broken bones or scratches?" asked Sam.
"Well, thank goodness the manager at the mall came and turned it off."
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Three brothers in Ireland used to frequent a local pub. Then one moved to America and another to Australia. The lone brother left still went to the pub, but now he ordered three beers, taking a sip from each in turn. The patrons watched him go through this ritual for some time before one of them asked why. "One's for my brother in America, one for my brother in Australia and one for me," he replied.
After this explanation, the fellow didn't show up at the pub for a month. Then he appeared again and ordered two beers. He drank from one, then the other. One of the patrons went over and extended his condolences for the man's bereavement. "What bereavement?" the chap asked.
"Well, the loss of one of your brothers," the patron said.
"My brothers are alive," the fellow corrected. He held up one glass. "This is for my brother in America." He held up the other. "This is for my brother in Australia. And I quit drinking."
Owned by my baby and heart-dog Lolli.
If each pet we love takes a part of our heart and replaces it with a part of theirs, my heart is a very strange collection of pieces, but I wouldn't have it any other way
Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go, and then do it. --Ann Landers
Mayor
Silly!
I've Been Frosted
Registered User
A little girl was an only child, and her daddy was at war. One day she approached her mother and said that she would like a little sibling. Her mother said that would be nice, but they would have to wait until her daddy got home. To which the little girl replied "We could surprise him!"
Owned by my baby and heart-dog Lolli.
If each pet we love takes a part of our heart and replaces it with a part of theirs, my heart is a very strange collection of pieces, but I wouldn't have it any other way
Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go, and then do it. --Ann Landers
Registered User
LOL! Wouldn't surprise me if some young kid DID say that!
"Do or do not. There is no try." -- Yoda
Registered User
I saw these on Twitter (#polarvortexsongs) and I can't stop laughing! Apparently this topic was suggested by Jimmy Fallon. You take a song and change the words slightly to make it fit the winter theme. So if you see me walking down the street, giggling helplessly to myself, you'll know I'm thinking about these and trying to stay warm!
A few examples ... Brrr'd lines (Blurred Lines - Robin Thicke)
Negative 867-5309
Can You Feel Your Face Tonight
Don't Go Taking My Scarf
Wake Me Up Before You Snowplow
We Didn't Salt the Sidewalk (We Didn't Start the Fire - Billy Joel)
It's Too Cold for That (No Igloo) [I Can't Go for That / No Can Do - Hall and Oates]
All You Need Is Glove
Hey, I just met you / And this is crazy / My ears are numb now / So thaw me maybe
Baby, It's $*&$ Cold Outside
Praying for peace in the Middle East, Ukraine, and around the world.
I've been Boo'd ... right off the stage!
Aaahh, I have been defrosted! Thank you, Bonny and Asiel!
Brrrr, I've been Frosted! Thank you, Asiel and Pomtzu!
"That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas
"We consume our tomorrows fretting about our yesterdays." -- Persius, first century Roman poet
Cassie's Catster page: http://www.catster.com/cats/448678
Registered User
From my neighbor's grandson, age 6...
Q: Where does the Easter bunny go for Easter brunch?
A: IHOP!
Praying for peace in the Middle East, Ukraine, and around the world.
I've been Boo'd ... right off the stage!
Aaahh, I have been defrosted! Thank you, Bonny and Asiel!
Brrrr, I've been Frosted! Thank you, Asiel and Pomtzu!
"That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas
"We consume our tomorrows fretting about our yesterdays." -- Persius, first century Roman poet
Cassie's Catster page: http://www.catster.com/cats/448678
Registered User
Wouldn't this be "a Pez dispenser / filled with Xanax / in my desk at work", though? Either way, it gave me a BIG laugh!
Praying for peace in the Middle East, Ukraine, and around the world.
I've been Boo'd ... right off the stage!
Aaahh, I have been defrosted! Thank you, Bonny and Asiel!
Brrrr, I've been Frosted! Thank you, Asiel and Pomtzu!
"That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas
"We consume our tomorrows fretting about our yesterdays." -- Persius, first century Roman poet
Cassie's Catster page: http://www.catster.com/cats/448678
Registered User
From a musician page I follow on facebook. B flat, G flat and E flat walk into a bar. The bar tender says: "I'm sorry; we don't serve minors here."
Praying for peace in the Middle East, Ukraine, and around the world.
I've been Boo'd ... right off the stage!
Aaahh, I have been defrosted! Thank you, Bonny and Asiel!
Brrrr, I've been Frosted! Thank you, Asiel and Pomtzu!
"That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas
"We consume our tomorrows fretting about our yesterdays." -- Persius, first century Roman poet
Cassie's Catster page: http://www.catster.com/cats/448678
Mayor
Yes, it should be. There are too many grammatically incorrect things like this going around Facebook!Originally Posted by cassiesmom
Wouldn't this be "a Pez dispenser / filled with Xanax / in my desk at work", though? Either way, it gave me a BIG laugh!
I've Been Frosted
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