Wedding Dilemma- What Would You Do?

[Catty1]

If she is like that with everyone then it is NOTHING you did. You didn't cause it, you can't fix it. Go on with Josh and live your life.

As Karen suggested, she may be displaying symptoms, not nastiness.

http://www.wisegeek.com/what-are-the...-in-adults.htm

Impaired social reactions are a key component of Asperger's syndrome. People who suffer from this condition find it difficult to develop meaningful relationships with their peers. They struggle to understand the subtleties of communicating through eye contact, body language, or facial expressions and seldom show affection towards others. They are often accused of being disrespectful and rude, since they find they can’t comprehend expectations of appropriate social behavior and are often unable to determine the feelings of those around them. People suffering from Asperger's syndrome can be said to lack both social and emotional reciprocity. Although Asperger's syndrome is related to autism, people who suffer from this condition do not have other developmental delays. They have normal to above average intelligence and fail to meet the diagnostic criteria for any other pervasive developmental disorder. In fact, people with Asperger's syndrome often show intense focus, highly logical thinking, and exceptional abilities in math or science.
There is no cure for Asperger's syndrome, but cognitive behavioral therapy, specialized speech therapy and counseling can help alleviate many of the condition’s more troubling symptoms. If they learn to develop the appropriate coping mechanisms, people with Asperger's syndrome are quite capable of getting married, having children, becoming gainfully employed, and leading independent lives.

[Cataholic]

She is 26 years old. Wouldn't someone- other than the poster- have noticed this before? Wouldn't Josh have said- at some point- "listen, she has been like this forever, there is nothing you did or didn't do....".

Me thinks we spend WAY too much time excusing people's behaviors and not nearly enough time addressing them. Not everyone has a medical or psychological condition. Some people are just jerks.

[Karen]

She is 26 years old. Wouldn't someone- other than the poster- have noticed this before? Wouldn't Josh have said- at some point- "listen, she has been like this forever, there is nothing you did or didn't do....".

Me thinks we spend WAY too much time excusing people's behaviors and not nearly enough time addressing them. Not everyone has a medical or psychological condition. Some people are just jerks.

I never said she should be excused for this behavior! I was just asking a question.

I just know some Asperger's people who have been diagnosed rather later in life, one in his forties, that explained why he had such difficulty with people - getting nasty and snapping was his coping mechanism - and it worked well at keeping people away!

[caseysmom]

My neice didn't get diagnosed until she was 24 after both her parents died and I realized her behavior wasn't just rudeness it had to be more. Sometimes folks don't see the forest for the trees when they are too close. I still have a hard time with her and don't excuse her behavior.

[Catty1]

No, her behaviour cannot be excused. However, if she is made aware of this and still refuses to get it checked, then there are definitely no excuses!

If she could read a list of the symptoms on her own, then a light might go off.

[sparks19]

My neice didn't get diagnosed until she was 24 after both her parents died and I realized her behavior wasn't just rudeness it had to be more. Sometimes folks don't see the forest for the trees when they are too close. I still have a hard time with her and don't excuse her behavior.

This

A friends husband was just diagnosed with aspergers and he is in his late 30's. No, not everything is a mental illness or a diagnosis... but sometimes it is.

[Cataholic]

I am in the minority. At near 47 years of age, I have never met someone with an undiagnosed or unknown mental illness after about the age of 5. To me, most of that is pretty obvious. Most. Pretty. And, by met, I mean had more than a passing acquaintance with. Sure, I do know people that we say, usually not directly to their face, "they struggle with social situations", but never like the OP puts out there.

I have met more than my fair share of people that are jerks. Big, fat jerks. That can't say a simple hello, or exchange a pleasantry, that people walk on eggshells around. Unless and until they are ready to engage. I guess they all could have an undiagnosed mental illness...but I just don't think so. Possible? Sure, probable? Unlikely.

Sparks- were you aware that something was 'off' with your friend's husband?

[snakemama]

I wasn't diagnosed as bipolar until I was well into my 20s. Once I told people I was, half a dozen or so people answered with some version of "Oh yeah, I should have guessed, you totally ARE bipolar!!" -_-

Some people are definitely just jerks, and some people really do need some help.

[sparks19]

I am in the minority. At near 47 years of age, I have never met someone with an undiagnosed or unknown mental illness after about the age of 5. To me, most of that is pretty obvious. Most. Pretty. And, by met, I mean had more than a passing acquaintance with. Sure, I do know people that we say, usually not directly to their face, "they struggle with social situations", but never like the OP puts out there.

I have met more than my fair share of people that are jerks. Big, fat jerks. That can't say a simple hello, or exchange a pleasantry, that people walk on eggshells around. Unless and until they are ready to engage. I guess they all could have an undiagnosed mental illness...but I just don't think so. Possible? Sure, probable? Unlikely.

Sparks- were you aware that something was 'off' with your friend's husband?

I've actually not really spent much time with him. They don't live near us and I moved away before they were married.

But he's not of the "jerk" variety... just sort of socially awkward and has difficulty understanding certain things and situations like he just can't process it "normally". His parents are also not of the "involved" variety so it may have been evident in him as a child but it's entirely possible they just didn't care or didn't notice or thought he was just a pain.