Stupid product warning labels

[pomtzu]

Rectal suppositories - warning "do not take by mouth".

[Randi]

I have to bump this up... one that John posted.

Warnings written on military Genuine warnings written on military equipment and publications:

"Aim towards the Enemy." - Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend." - U.S. Army

"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." - U.S.A.F.Ammo Troop

"If the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantry Journal

"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it.
That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit." - Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." - U.S. Air Force Manual

"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." - Infantry Journal

"Tracers work both ways." - U.S. Army Ordnance
"Five-second fuses only last three seconds." -Infantry Journal

"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." - Col. David Hackworth

"If your attack is going too well, you're probably walking into an ambush." - Infantry Journal

"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection." - Joe Gay

"Any ship can be a minesweeper ... once."- Anon
"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." - Unknown Army Recruit

"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you." - Unknown

(And lastly) "If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him." - U.S.A. Ammo Troop

[phesina]

Not only are there people out there brain-impaired enough to do such things.. there are loads of lawyers out there who will happily SUE the companies for not having warned their clients not to do the stupid things!

[Lady's Human]

I have to bump this up... one that John posted.

Warnings written on military Genuine warnings written on military equipment and publications:

"Aim towards the Enemy." - Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

Yep, right in the middle of the launcher tube on an M-72 Light Antitank Weapon.

"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it.
That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit." - Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.

From a mid-vietnam era issue when they were first fielding the weapon. A chief I knew had that page framed.

"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection." - Joe Gay

The counterpoint to that one is "No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat"

My favorite military humor quotes are from the Germans and the Russians:

German staff officer post WW2:

The reason the American Army is so good at war is war is chaos, and the American Army practices chaos on a daily basis.

From a Russian LT's notebook:


One of the serious problems in planning the fight against American doctrine, is that the Americans do not read their manuals, nor do they feel any obligation to follow their doctrine...

[smokey the elder]

Love the military quotes. I'm surprised "No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy!" isn't there.

[Edwina's Secretary]

My sleeping pills caution "May cause drowsiess."

I hope so.

[Catlady711]

Actually my favorite actual warning is from a hair dryer...."do not use while sleeping" ummm does that mean no hair fixing while sleep walking? lol

My true favs are the misspellings and mistranslations. I have personally seen these two on my own stuff....

(from an inflatable air mattress) Wash with warm SOUP and water. (hmmmm chicken noodle, or tomato?)


(on another hair dryer) Warning, appliance is electrically live even when the WITCH is off (so broomstick or no she's deadly? lol)

[Jessika]

Actually my favorite actual warning is from a hair dryer...."do not use while sleeping" ummm does that mean no hair fixing while sleep walking? lol

Actually, I saw once on one of those "Addiction" shows, a girl who COULD NOT sleep without a hairdryer blowing on her/her feet (can't remember if it was her feet specifically or her in general).