Holiday Protocol Question

[Cataholic]

Well...there you have it!

Some of us see how we intend our message - and that is what matters...others see how the recipient hears our message - and that is what is matters....

I guess it depends on who you consider more important...

Ah, I would have to say that it is the recipient's hearing, in this regard, that is most important, barring some unusual interpretative deficiencies. This is such an interesting point. We all believe we mean well, but things might come across wrong, or are taken wrong, and it further drives home the point- if you don't know how/what/why or when to appropriately greet someone, it is best to stay silent, or say something most people wouldn't take offensively.

[sparks19]

I suppose. Although I find most people are reasonable and when you say "Have a good day" they hear "I hope the rest of your day is good to you". It just seems like the normal thing to interpret from such a phrase. I've never had anyone FLIP out because I wished them well because most people are reasonable and take things at face value. I find it a sad thing to be silent and cold but that seems to be more and more what society is turning into. Look down, don't make eye contact and don't you DARE say anything nice to anyone. Cold and sterile.

when I go somewhere like the grocery store I look up, I smile at people as I pass by, I say excuse me and apologize if there is the slightest chance I may have been in their way, etc. I find people really respond positively to that kind of thing. Smile and the whole world smiles with you. I often end up in random conversations (short ones mind you) with people around the grocery store because people are just looking for the chance to engage sometimes. My daughter does the same thing and the way people respond to her is amazing. They are always taken by her pleasant demeanor and politeness. I figure you get what you give. If you give genuine smiles and genuine greetings, that's what you get in return. People respond to kindness with kindness the vast majority of the time. If you keep your eyes down and are cold and standoffish, that's what you will get from others. A warm smile and a heartfelt "Have a good day" or "Enjoy the rest of your day" I find is almost always met with the same response

Every once in a while I'll smile and say Have a good day to a cashier or something on the way out and get nothing in return but her staring down at her feet and that's OK too. I just go on with my day and hope my genuine wish that they be well brightened their day even a little bit. Even on our worst days sometimes we just need someone to genuinely smile at us or extend some sort of feeling that they might care even just a little bit.

I know all the years I worked in retail and customer service jobs many times a "how are you" could open the flood gates for someone and they would just tell me everything that was bothering them that day and when that happens the best thing I could do was lend them an ear and let them get it off their chest and at the end I would just say soemthing like "Aww I'm so sorry to hear that. I really hope your day starts looking up, that must be so hard to deal with." and I smile at them. Most people are reasonable and thank me for listening and they in turn wish me a good day. It's a great exchange even if it takes up "precious time".

Being warm and caring isn't a bad thing.

[Cataholic]

^^ I agree with you. In general, in the day to day living, I am the same way. I am talking about over-extending one's knowledge base, trying to be PC by passing on greetings when they are unsure of or ignorant to the meaning of the holiday or event bringing them on. If it isn't MY religious holiday, and I am NOT sure what it really means, it seems odd to try to fake it. To me, that is being PC to a fault, and risking offending someone.

I think manners and social niceties are nice. I think being PC is overboard, at times.

I try to ALWAYS say, "good morning, how are you..." when I am on the phone with people. A huge percentage of the time there is silence at the other end...they weren't expecting or aren't used to such a greeting. Odd.

[pomtzu]

Yes - it's nice to strike up a random conversation with someone and be friendly - but some people still just don't get it.

Example - When I was at the vet with Sparky this past Tuesday, there was a woman in there with a cute little ShihTzu also. I tried to strike up a friendly conversation with her about her dog, and she looked at me like I had 2 heads, and appeared to not want to be bothered. I thought maybe her pup was really sick and she was worried about it and didn't want to chit-chat. But no - when she was at the desk paying and getting ready to leave - I heard the talk between her and the tech - and the pup was just there for a routine visit.

Damned if you do - damned if you don't!

[caseysmom]

Yes - it's nice to strike up a random conversation with someone and be friendly - but some people still just don't get it.

Example - When I was at the vet with Sparky this past Tuesday, there was a woman in there with a cute little ShihTzu also. I tried to strike up a friendly conversation with her about her dog, and she looked at me like I had 2 heads, and appeared to not want to be bothered. I thought maybe her pup was really sick and she was worried about it and didn't want to chit-chat. But no - when she was at the desk paying and getting ready to leave - I heard the talk between her and the tech - and the pup was just there for a routine visit.

Damned if you do - damned if you don't!

I don't get those kind of people either...pretty antisocial....

[kitten645]

On the flip side, I went to several farmers markets this last weekend. I noticed that the lady I buy from sometimes wasn't @ one. She was @ the next one we went to. I mentioned I had missed her @ the other one and was glad to see her. She launched into a tirade about the person who was in her space was a witch that was having her banned and she got a restraining order because she's her sister in law and she's turned her brother into a thief that stole her dads guns from the basement to frame him if he were to kill her to inherit the farm......blah blah blah This went on for quite an uneasy while, even as she weighted and took care of other customers. We finally just slowly stepped back and left! Sometimes you just never know what kind of a can of worms you open with a simple, well intentioned greeting!

[Cataholic]

^^ that is exactly what I am NOT referring to. That person is unhinged. Most people (at least the ones I deal with) are not unhinged. I don't think we should allow the .005% of our life's experiences influence the remainder (I can't do the math to figure it out!!).

[sparks19]

^^ I agree with you. In general, in the day to day living, I am the same way. I am talking about over-extending one's knowledge base, trying to be PC by passing on greetings when they are unsure of or ignorant to the meaning of the holiday or event bringing them on. If it isn't MY religious holiday, and I am NOT sure what it really means, it seems odd to try to fake it. To me, that is being PC to a fault, and risking offending someone.

I think manners and social niceties are nice. I think being PC is overboard, at times.

I try to ALWAYS say, "good morning, how are you..." when I am on the phone with people. A huge percentage of the time there is silence at the other end...they weren't expecting or aren't used to such a greeting. Odd.

Yes I agree with all you have said

[Edwina's Secretary]

^^ I agree with you. In general, in the day to day living, I am the same way. I am talking about over-extending one's knowledge base, trying to be PC by passing on greetings when they are unsure of or ignorant to the meaning of the holiday or event bringing them on. If it isn't MY religious holiday, and I am NOT sure what it really means, it seems odd to try to fake it. To me, that is being PC to a fault, and risking offending someone.

I think manners and social niceties are nice. I think being PC is overboard, at times.

I try to ALWAYS say, "good morning, how are you..." when I am on the phone with people. A huge percentage of the time there is silence at the other end...they weren't expecting or aren't used to such a greeting. Odd.

As always Cat - you have crystalized it! This thread is not...and at least originally was not...about wishing someone a good day or chatting up the clerk at the checkout.

The question was - how to deal with holiday greetings for holidays with which you are not familiar. I said, and still say - I would rather give an innocuous "my thoughts will be with you" that to offend. If some people think that trying not to offend is "PC" -- so be it.

As I recall there is an expression...."the road to hell is paved with good intentions."

[Lady's Human]

As I recall there is an expression...."the road to hell is paved with good intentions."

And some people are intent on building a 4 lane superhighway.

Pleasant greetings are one thing, as mentioned, though, this this thread is about holidays and appropriate mentions. The reason I brought up making appropriate comments to those who have gone out of their way to explain the holidays is that I had a senior NCO in a unit who explained his faith (Islam) to anyone who asked, and whenever he took a day for religious reasons he would explain it to everyone who paid attention, as he was tired of comments about SFC A. getting all the days off for his religion. He didn't just take the days off, he practiced his faith. I wish I had been wise enough at the time to pay more attention. Because he did what he did, the comments were few and were mainly making the appropriate wishes on whatever the day happened to be. His actions brought understanding to a group who wouldn't normally get that type of instruction, and tolerance for the faith within the unit because of his actions.

I cringe when I hear some of the comments made to people on religious holidays, "Happy good Friday" is not as uncommon as one might think. If you don't know what the holiday is about, just exchange normal greetings. If they are zealous enough to be offended by someone missing whatever holiday it is, then they should be zealous enough to educate the people the come in contact with about the holiday, rather than just getting annoyed that the holiday isn't common knowledge.

[sparks19]

Someone will get annoyed if you wish them well on a holiday the "wrong" way and some will get annoyed if you don't acknowledge their holiday. I guess it's just a matter of playing the odds lol.

[Edwina's Secretary]

How interesting! I've never known or known of anyone who was annoyed because they didn't receive acknowledgment of their holiday. Takes all kinds I guess.

Perhaps it is a regional thing?

It does remind me of the expression - It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and confirm it.

[RICHARD]

I was watching the NASCAR/Memorial Weekend race and a woman racer - who happens to be a total dork - was being interviewed, at the end of the interview she looked into the camera and says, "Happy Memorial Day!"

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I had a boss who turned to me and said, "Happy Cinco de Mayo".

She did it as a slight, to me. She wasn't intelligent and lacked manners.

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As a matter of principle, I don't even bother with holidays anymore.


People mostly are ignorant of what a 'holiday' is.

It started out as a HOLY DAY. Not a day to get drunk and kill someone while you text driving...

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I just thank god that Washington and Lincoln were presidents.

I always get stuff on sale on Prez' Day.

[RICHARD]

Just had a convo about Good Friday and Easter.

"Happy Good Friday".

Yea! Let's celebrate Jesus getting nailed to a cross!

And a few days later we celebrate him coming back to life!

Talk about a conundrum?