Isobel, I am really inspired by your determination to "make this work"! Patience is the only thing I can suggest. Kudos to you for not giving up on your girl and doing everything you can for her happiness. There are other less famous communicators out there that may help you. Laura and her RIP Kitty Boo had someone help them with a break through in their relationship. I think something very small may have triggered this fear and it may help hearing her side of the story. Bless you for being an excellent Meowmie.