My cat hates my husband :(

[isobel]

I think they're getting along well enough under the circumstances. If anything, the new cat is more aggressive. They've had a couple of run-ins because they surprised each other, for example when New Cat jumped up on the bed not realizing Izzy was there and landed right on top of her, which caused a short-lived ruckus -- I felt bad but I couldn't help laughing. They haven't had any out-and-out fights that I know of, but I am keeping them mostly separated for the time being.

[Barbara]

I feel if your husband just ignores Izzy- that may be fine. Cats prefer to find out by themselves.
Izzy may be more hurt by the new cat coming in. In this case it is important that there is plenty of room and that there is room where she can retire without being disturbed.

[isobel]

I agree about there being plenty of space. Rather than keep her in her room, last night I let Izzy roam the first floor while everyone else (including the new cat) was sleeping upstairs in a closed bedroom. When I came downstairs this morning she was very chipper and had obviously enjoyed having the run of the place. She seemed back to her old self, so I think this will be a new nightly routine. I don't think it solves the problem of her fear of my husband, but it will hopefully help make her feel more comfortable and at home in the new place so she is able to make progress with him over time.

[happylabs]

I feel if your husband just ignores Izzy- that may be fine. Cats prefer to find out by themselves.
Izzy may be more hurt by the new cat coming in. In this case it is important that there is plenty of room and that there is room where she can retire without being disturbed.

I like this idea. Try it! Have your husband sort of avoid her and see how she reacts. This may work. It's not going to be an overnight fix for her. Just be patient. It took my Mama cat a couple years to trust me into her finally jumping up into my lap for me to pet her. Cats like to do things in their own time.

I agree about there being plenty of space. Rather than keep her in her room, last night I let Izzy roam the first floor while everyone else (including the new cat) was sleeping upstairs in a closed bedroom. When I came downstairs this morning she was very chipper and had obviously enjoyed having the run of the place. She seemed back to her old self, so I think this will be a new nightly routine. I don't think it solves the problem of her fear of my husband, but it will hopefully help make her feel more comfortable and at home in the new place so she is able to make progress with him over time.

This makes me feel good to hear. I know it is tough trying to cope with the way we are all so busy these days. Just make sure she knows you love her still and maybe take extra steps to let her know she is special.

[Medusa]

Is there a place that's up high enough for her, perhaps a really tall cat tower or a series of shelves arranged in the manner of stairs that she could climb, preferably near a window? I can recall Jackson saying that cats are either cave dwellers or tree dwellers, at least I think that's the term he used. Anyhow, my point is that she's hiding in the litterbox b/c she feels safe there. If you give her a spot where she can be up really high away from everyone and that enables her to look out the window, she may be happier. Just a thought.

[kitten645]

Isobel, I am really inspired by your determination to "make this work"! Patience is the only thing I can suggest. Kudos to you for not giving up on your girl and doing everything you can for her happiness. There are other less famous communicators out there that may help you. Laura and her RIP Kitty Boo had someone help them with a break through in their relationship. I think something very small may have triggered this fear and it may help hearing her side of the story. Bless you for being an excellent Meowmie.

[moosmom]

Barbara is right on the money. Izzy may come around in her own time. She may not. It's HER call. If the behavior gets worse, then I'm sorry, I'd question your husband. Cats do NOT hate people unless they've been abused or tormented (even jokingly).

I admire your persistence. But if your husband is unwilling to make some changes, things will only stay the same or get worse.

If all else fails, rehome Izzy so she can get some peace. JMO.