Woms Apology to Orc

Dear Orc,
Words cannot begin to express how sorry I am that your feelings were severely damaged by my woefully under appreciated prank.
How could I have known that the priceless collection of Rolling Rock beer cans that you have collected over the years would be discarded because everyone blamed you for snoring.
You must understand that it was all meant in fun. The subsequent carnage that you caused is beyond my ability to comprehend, and even tho it was because of my dishonesty, the ripped curtains....the broken crockery....the golf balls in the Chicken Surprise, they are all of your doing.
And I must therefore humbly ask your forgiveness. I know that you are perfectly within your rights to gouge out my eyes with spoons and feed them to the fish in your koi pond, but I ask you to remember all the good times we've had, joshing around at the municipal jail, and to remember that I am first and foremost your only possible match should you ever need a bone marrow transplant.

Sincerely,
Wombat