What to do about a crazy inlaw?

[catnapper]

However do you expect your children to stand up to Cindy when you, as an adult, can't do it?

Because I am terrified my refusal to accept her gift would send her of the deep end. She attempts suicide on a yearly basis. She over-medicates. Under-medicates. Right now she is in the slurring words, forgetting everything mode. Which means she's currently over medicating. I once had a fight with her where her response was an attempted suicide. I would have never forgiven myself if she was successful (the fight was over me telling her to let the kids grow up on their own)

So I accept her gifts and kick myself for not telling her to leave us alone. Its like there's a big elephant in the room with us. My other sister in law thinks she needs to be in a mental hosptial. I agree.

Besides, the whole thread wasn't about getting the kids to stop accepting her gifts.... its about dealing with her insanity! I could completely write a book on the things she gives. She gave my son books for Christmas... they were his books that he'd left there one time. She gave him a Wii game system.... that she liberated from my house. It took us a few weeks to figure out where it went to, only discovered when hubby said something to son about how its gone and nothing else in the house is missing. Son started laughing and told us he got it for Christmas.

Son decided to not live with her, and told her he's not taking the job interview she set up for him. she called us screaming at us that we talked him out of the interview. Um, what interview? So then she called him every 5 minutes for 6 hours. SIX HOURS. He's finally seing what his aunt is really like. He is visitng us tonight and made us promise to not tell her he is here. He's fionally seeing the strings she's tied to him.

[pomtzu]

I'll be damned if I would be intimidated by a nut case, or afraid to stand up to her for fear that she might harm herself. She KNOWS that she has everyone walking on eggs - isn't that what she really wants??? Start saying no to her, start refusing gifts. If she tries to harm herself, then that's on her, and not on you or anyone else she drags in to her stupid games. It's not your fault if she does, and if she does, then it's just one more way she has of centering the attention on herself. The more you and others continue to play this game with her, the more she will do it. After all - why should she stop when it's all going the way she wants??? Stop being the enabler!!!!

I once had a distant relative threaten suicide if I revealed some damning information to the proper authorities. I told that person that if that's what they chose to do, then go right ahead, but don't try to lay any guilt trip on me! I sent the info to the authorities - and this person is still alive and never attempted suicide. This person now resides in a state prison serving a 40+ year sentence. Had said person actually committed suicide tho - I would not feel guilty in any way.

So is Cindy a criminal??? - in her own way - yes she is! Cut Cindy out of your life, and have your kids do the same. You will never be rid of her if you continue on like this - playing the game her way - and always letting her win.

[Pembroke_Corgi]

Is she getting any kind of help for her mental illness? Anyway to refer her to an agency to get her some help? I'm not an expert by any stretch of the imagination, but it sounds like she has some substance problems and what almost sounds like boderline personality disorder, especially if she threatens/attempts suicide. There are all kinds of resources out there, not just a mental hospital.

[catnapper]

Is she getting any kind of help for her mental illness? Anyway to refer her to an agency to get her some help? I'm not an expert by any stretch of the imagination, but it sounds like she has some substance problems and what almost sounds like boderline personality disorder, especially if she threatens/attempts suicide. There are all kinds of resources out there, not just a mental hospital.

Lets just say her medical care is a joke. We TRY to get her to real doctors that can help and she cancels her appointment. She is a special case indeed.

As for enabling, I am MUCH better than I used to be. She now thinks I'm "picky" because I tell her not to buy me anything when she says she saw something for me. I am just awful at denying the gifts she's already purchased.

[sana]

I'll be damned if I would be intimidated by a nut case, or afraid to stand up to her for fear that she might harm herself. She KNOWS that she has everyone walking on eggs - isn't that what she really wants??? Start saying no to her, start refusing gifts. If she tries to harm herself, then that's on her, and not on you or anyone else she drags in to her stupid games. It's not your fault if she does, and if she does, then it's just one more way she has of centering the attention on herself. The more you and others continue to play this game with her, the more she will do it. After all - why should she stop when it's all going the way she wants??? Stop being the enabler!!!!

So is Cindy a criminal??? - in her own way - yes she is! Cut Cindy out of your life, and have your kids do the same. You will never be rid of her if you continue on like this - playing the game her way - and always letting her win.

Well, here I guess I do agree with Pomtzu. She's correct. You need to stop letting her have the fun out of your life..If you don't tell her to stop now, its now or never. She's really gonna leave you in depression if you don't tell her to stop now.
As for when you reject gifts and she tries to kill herself...She isn't normal. I'm telling you this is not a normal behaviour, out of the sarcasm and anger, I'm telling the truth, she is NOT a normal human..! I'm going to turn 14 and even I can figure that out. Its clear and simple. Without her knowing, get an appointment from a good doctor that you know. She's probably trying to escape the reality. The truth about what really is going on with her, she knows it!

I'll tell you a small example. We once had a driver. He told us that he couldn't drive in the night and that he will only drive i the morning. In the mornings even, he would drive topsy turvy. Once there was a pile of bricks on the roadside and he crashed onto them, my cousin and mom were with him. My cousin even yelled there was a pile of bricks infront. But, it was too late. The car had a huge bend on the floor side and it was wrecked.
So, my parents thought the driver should probably get an eyesight check. When they went to the doctor, our driver ran away in the hospital iding here and there and finally he was caught. He knew the truth of what was wrong with him. When we got his eyesight check, he was nearly blind and later in time he couldn't see a THING!

So what I wanted to tell you was that Cindy probably knows the truth about her illness and doesn't want it to be revealed. I hope you got my message. You should either send her to a mental hospital or care for her at your home (which I say you don't) She is a special patient(not in a good sense) She isn't like a normal mental person. She needs a check up.

Sorry, about the long post. Hope didn't bore you, but my message was, she's not normal, I guess she wants to think she's a special and kind and generous person and so should help you all. Is she your husbands older or younger sister. If she's older, probably she wants to act as a motherly figure or try to rule over you all. If she's younger, she probably wants to act older and much caring...