Shoulda, coulda, woulda, Pat. I still say that you made the decision out of love. Yes, you were fearful; who wouldn't be? You were dealing w/a life here! I, too, was afraid that I'd put Boo through all that again, then bring him home and find that the process didn't even last another 24 hours, just like the last one. That kind of fear is good fear, IMO. We saved them from a painful, drawn out death. Who dares to fault us for that? The fact of the matter is that you were there ALONE w/Christofur, having to make the decision ALONE. Had you called all or any of the others that you mentioned, you more than likely would've been confused and then you would've beaten yourself up for making the decision while confused. Pat, stop being so hard on yourself. Christofur is now at peace, a peace that he never, ever knew since he was born. Your decision was the supreme act of kindness to him, the last kindness that anyone could've done for him and that person was you. Miss him, sure. It would be strange if you didn't. Blame yourself, never. The heavy responsibility that you had to bear was yours alone and you handled it well.