cheating

[Whisk_Luva]

Yes - she did tell them to seek counseling - and that should have been the only thing she told them.
She talks with the wife over dinner, and then with the husband on an hour walk??? Lord knows (and I don't care), what "advise" was given in those time frames.
Listen as a friend??? - yes - but keep your "advise" to yourself. That would be the nicest thing she could do to help!

I have to disagree. Sometimes people turn to friends for advice. Sometimes they just need to find out someone elses opinion on the situation. Maybe that advice will help make the decision final, or see another option. Just because Monica advised them, doesn't mean they have to or will listen. In the end it is up to them. Monica was just doing her best to help them as much as possible and I admire her for that.

[pomtzu]

I have to disagree. Sometimes people turn to friends for advice. Sometimes they just need to find out someone elses opinion on the situation. Maybe that advice will help make the decision final, or see another option. Just because Monica advised them, doesn't mean they have to or will listen. In the end it is up to them. Monica was just doing her best to help them as much as possible and I admire her for that.

Other's marriage issues is one thing to keep your nose out of - even if asked. Sooner or later, more than likely, you'll find that you are "taking sides", and it could more likely than not, end the friendship. I've seen it happen, and for someone to think it will never happen to them - well then they need to take the blinders off. I don't claim to be an expert, but at my age, I draw a lot from years of "life's issues". Nuff said..........

[Marigold2]

The wife called me and said "I need to talk to you I can't talk to my mom"
She needed to vent, she needed cry and she needed support.
I as an older married women acted as a mom in this case since she could not go to her own family and had no one else to turn to.
She asked me to talk to hubby. I did. He opened up to me, he also needed to vent and talk and he was the one who kept walking and talking, my feet were killing me in those heels but I didn't say anything, I could tell he needed to talk to someone. Both know I will NOT take sides, both know I will NOT pass judgement. I was there to listen and love and give support, to remind them that they are both beautiful and good, smart, funny, kind and intelligent and as people especially people so young mistakes happen. Yes he has done this before and yes she has forgiven him but she will not forgive next time. That is her choice.
I advised both to see professional help, that does not mean they will.
I love them both very much and they have sought my advice many times in the past and both knew they coud trust me and call me whenever they need a hug or a shoulder to cry on.
I do not understand why I am being picked on for helping two people who ASKED me for help, who needed support. If you don't have family that you can go to for advice and support then you go to a friend, they would not have spoken to me if they did not value my advice or know that I had their interests at heart.
Get off my back Pomtzu, you are very wrong here.
Thank you Ellie for sticking up for me. You are such a sweetheart and no one here should say one mean thing to this young lady.

[Whisk_Luva]

Pomtzu, as Monica said, these people came to her for advice. If they trust her, and will listen to her advice without getting offended, what's the harm? Not everyone is going to think people are taking sides for offering advice, some people will just be happy to have someone who cares enough about them to help them with their issues.

[pomtzu]

Whatever.............

Hopefully it won't backfire on any of the parties involved.

[happylabs]

I have to agree with Pomtzu on this one. It is okay to listen and let your friend vent. However, I would steer clear of giving advice. And I also think it was not appropriate to spend an hour talking with the husband. Why didn't the couple sit down and talk it over between themselves? I have always thought honesty was the best policy between couples, and, that friends should stay out of it. Counseling sounds like the best idea. I hate to say this, but in all likelihood, these two will split up. If he cheated once, he will do it again. The statistics are against them sadly.

[Queen of Poop]

I thank you for taking the time to be a calming force for the two people embroiled in an emotional nightmare. You may have helped them save their marriage, maybe not, it does not matter. You were there for them when they needed support and that's what counts. Hopefully they will take your advice and seek counselling, they will need it to keep their marriage together or to go their separate ways.

What I would have given to have had someone to talk to the first, second or third times he hit me. Maybe it wouldn't have gone on for 8 years. Who knows. But to have had someone I could talk to might have made all the difference for me.

I applaud your efforts.

[Prairie Purrs]

One major advantage of confiding in a marriage counselor rather than a friend is that a marriage counselor is ethically obligated to keep the information confidential and not post the details of the situation on the Internet. If I were Monica, I wouldn't be too happy to know that my dirty laundry was being aired in public for total strangers to comment on.