cheating

[Taz_Zoee]

That's very nice of you to be a friend for her when she can't talk to her own family. What has me concerned is you say he cheated "again" and she's going to give him one more chance. Is this a three strikes you're out? If this is the second time he's done this why is she giving him another chance?
I don't know the whole story, maybe the word again was a mistake (I hope).
I do happen to know a couple that had this same problem. He cheated and even had another child with the other woman. They got back together eventually. No clue if they are still together now, but it can happen. He needs to gain her trust again and that is not an easy thing to do.

[pomtzu]

My advise would be for Marigold to stay out of other people's marriage problems, even if they see fit to pour their hearts out to her.

They obviously need a professional's help here, and somehow I don't believe that Marigold is qualified as a marriage counselor, and could do more harm than help, by getting involved.

[Bonny]

What do you mean pomtzu. Marigold did tell them to go seek marriage councelling. Confiding in a friend outside your family realm when having marriage diffiuculties brings fairness to both sides in this case.

[pomtzu]

What do you mean pomtzu. Marigold did tell them to go seek marriage councelling. Confiding in a friend outside your family realm when having marriage diffiuculties brings fairness to both sides in this case.

Yes - she did tell them to seek counseling - and that should have been the only thing she told them.
She talks with the wife over dinner, and then with the husband on an hour walk??? Lord knows (and I don't care), what "advise" was given in those time frames.
Listen as a friend??? - yes - but keep your "advise" to yourself. That would be the nicest thing she could do to help!

[Whisk_Luva]

Yes - she did tell them to seek counseling - and that should have been the only thing she told them.
She talks with the wife over dinner, and then with the husband on an hour walk??? Lord knows (and I don't care), what "advise" was given in those time frames.
Listen as a friend??? - yes - but keep your "advise" to yourself. That would be the nicest thing she could do to help!

I have to disagree. Sometimes people turn to friends for advice. Sometimes they just need to find out someone elses opinion on the situation. Maybe that advice will help make the decision final, or see another option. Just because Monica advised them, doesn't mean they have to or will listen. In the end it is up to them. Monica was just doing her best to help them as much as possible and I admire her for that.

[pomtzu]

I have to disagree. Sometimes people turn to friends for advice. Sometimes they just need to find out someone elses opinion on the situation. Maybe that advice will help make the decision final, or see another option. Just because Monica advised them, doesn't mean they have to or will listen. In the end it is up to them. Monica was just doing her best to help them as much as possible and I admire her for that.

Other's marriage issues is one thing to keep your nose out of - even if asked. Sooner or later, more than likely, you'll find that you are "taking sides", and it could more likely than not, end the friendship. I've seen it happen, and for someone to think it will never happen to them - well then they need to take the blinders off. I don't claim to be an expert, but at my age, I draw a lot from years of "life's issues". Nuff said..........

[Marigold2]

The wife called me and said "I need to talk to you I can't talk to my mom"
She needed to vent, she needed cry and she needed support.
I as an older married women acted as a mom in this case since she could not go to her own family and had no one else to turn to.
She asked me to talk to hubby. I did. He opened up to me, he also needed to vent and talk and he was the one who kept walking and talking, my feet were killing me in those heels but I didn't say anything, I could tell he needed to talk to someone. Both know I will NOT take sides, both know I will NOT pass judgement. I was there to listen and love and give support, to remind them that they are both beautiful and good, smart, funny, kind and intelligent and as people especially people so young mistakes happen. Yes he has done this before and yes she has forgiven him but she will not forgive next time. That is her choice.
I advised both to see professional help, that does not mean they will.
I love them both very much and they have sought my advice many times in the past and both knew they coud trust me and call me whenever they need a hug or a shoulder to cry on.
I do not understand why I am being picked on for helping two people who ASKED me for help, who needed support. If you don't have family that you can go to for advice and support then you go to a friend, they would not have spoken to me if they did not value my advice or know that I had their interests at heart.
Get off my back Pomtzu, you are very wrong here.
Thank you Ellie for sticking up for me. You are such a sweetheart and no one here should say one mean thing to this young lady.

[Cataholic]

My advise would be for Marigold to stay out of other people's marriage problems, even if they see fit to pour their hearts out to her.

They obviously need a professional's help here, and somehow I don't believe that Marigold is qualified as a marriage counselor, and could do more harm than help, by getting involved.

I could not agree more! It sounds very odd.

[Whisk_Luva]

My advise would be for Marigold to stay out of other people's marriage problems, even if they see fit to pour their hearts out to her.

They obviously need a professional's help here, and somehow I don't believe that Marigold is qualified as a marriage counselor, and could do more harm than help, by getting involved.

I could not agree more! It sounds very odd.

Wait? So Monica should just ignore them when they ask for her advice? I don't understand. What was she meant to do? They asked her to meet up and talk, and Monica being a good friend agreed. Listening to friends problems and helping them out is what part of being a friend is about.

And since when has telling a friend something been odd?

Monica, I am sorry to hear about the whole situation.. sounds very sad. I hope everything works out in the end. You are a great friend and I am sure they are very thankful for you being there for them.