Tough times....now pain behind knee...trying positive thinking

[Anikaca77]

Oh sweetie, I am so sorry. I feel so badly for you. Sending you a GREAT BIG HUG!!!!!

As everyone tells me, hang in there. It's a useless statement and doesn't make me feel any better. What I'd like to hear and what I'm telling you now is: You will be ok. It is not the end of the world. Yep, it surely sucks. But there will be a light at the end of the tunnel after you're thru all the crap.

Have you ever seen Under the Tuscan Sun....my situation isn't like her's really because he's never cheated on me and he's not seeing anyone but it just seems we can't stop fighting and he just keeps saying if I'd stop my pissy tone then things would be fine. I'm not sure if it's from growing up in a yelling house all the time and I just didn't know how to express myself right and now I'm just not doing things right. This is my first real relationship, we met in March 2005 and got married in April 2007.

I can't believe it's been this long and it's a long time but at the same time it seems to have just flown by so quickly.

My grandfather (my mom's dad), he lost his wife (my grandmother) last July, and he told me yesterday that love is the greatest gift, I wanted to cry because although I do love my husband very much and he loves me things just keep not working out (my grandfather doesn't know my husband and I are having really bad problems).

We went over to my dad's mom's place for easter dinner yesterday and she asked me where my husband was and of course I started to cry and luckly it was only in front of my mom and dad and my sister, so I had to go to the bathroom and my grandmother came in and said she was sorry she didn't know, I told her we are having bad problems right now and that we are trying to work on them but I just don't know. She told me if he is saying divorce to just say goodbye, she said he won't get very far without me, but he will because in about a week he'll be looking for another person to replace me I believe.

Luckily, I have my counseling appt. at 1 p.m so I can cry all I need to then and then have to come back to work and try not to cry.

Melissa

[Queen of Poop]

I hope the counsellor can help you with this. Tell her what he's said about your "pissy tone". When you're in the spot that you're in it is hard not to have a pissy tone. Maybe it's not you, but its him and he's hearing it come out that way because its what he is used to.

Mine used to accuse me of that all the time. I could be sweet as pie to him and he'd still see it as me being pissy, thus giving him an excuse to be abusive to me and it being all my fault.

Take in what your counsellor has to say. Follow her guidance.

Again, I am so sorry that you're in this spot.

[phesina]

Oh, Melissa, I am so sorry you are going through all this too. Hugs and prayers and good wishes to you.

Love from Pat and cats

[Anikaca77]

Thank you all for your prays.

I tried not to cry too much in my session today, it's just so hard right now. Especially with Hermes not feeling well and Ashley well she just isn't very happy, sometimes she seems like she is and the other day I think it was Saturday she went and sprayed against the wall which was the worst day for us so maybe she was just letting me know something or something.

This morning there was pee in front of the tub again. I just don't know what I'm going to do with her either.

[Catty1]

Maybe Ashley is picking up on all the stress and tension in your home.

Do you have a friend that could foster her for a bit? Just temporary.

If your husband isn't doing his part to help, well, JMO I don't think it is fair.

If he was willing for the TWO of you to go together before, maybe your counsellor would see the two of you together?

One person can't save a marriage between two. JMO

[Anikaca77]

Maybe Ashley is picking up on all the stress and tension in your home.

Do you have a friend that could foster her for a bit? Just temporary.

If your husband isn't doing his part to help, well, JMO I don't think it is fair.

If he was willing for the TWO of you to go together before, maybe your counsellor would see the two of you together?

One person can't save a marriage between two. JMO

I actually don't really have anyone who could take her in, my parents have 3 dogs and 1 cat and she would hate that situation. She seems happy in her bathroom but she's been spraying for a long time now, probably since 08 or less. She used to pee in kitchen and we thought it was Anika doing it but after Anika passed away we realized it was Ashley after we confined her and tested pee then we found out she had struvite crystals which she's on the Hill's C/D food but on Friday, she ended up getting an upset stomach and she was throwing up and didn't eat the rest of the night and later on, on Saturday she had some food but she wouldn't eat the C/D she did eat the california natural food though.

Her poo is semi-runny too but I'm not sure what's up with her. On Saturday, I noticed that she sprayed the wall, she stood up on my dresser and shot it at the wall, I couldn't believe it that she was doing that but she did. I've confined her away from the other cats thinking that would help her stress but she's still spraying.

She peed this morning in front of the tub like she normally does but this spraying has to stop and she's been on some of the pills before and they did nothing for her. I know Mary has said only Clomicalm works and I think I'm going to have to talk to my vet to see if she has done any research into this because she said she didn't hear about that before so I want to get her some print out stuff about it and see.

I know Ashley is the most friendly cat in the world but I don't want her spraying all over our bedroom now.

I know we are also not helping the situation by all the stress in the house either so we have to try to elimante that as well.

Melissa

[carole]

Oh my dear Melissa, i am so sorry to read all of this, i did not realise how much pressure you were under, not only financially but emotionally.

Sadly i can only offer you some advice, not that i am any expert, but i have been married for coming up 19 years, and it has not always been easy, we have had our ups and downs and nearly split up a few times, but if you love each other and you say you do, you just have to keep trying at it, sometimes there is no chance, but from what you say, there is no violence, cheating etc, so i think it is well worth another shot, three years is not long to be married in my eyes.

I think way too many people give up so soon these days in marriage,i certainly don't suggest anyone should stay in a bad or violent marriage, but we all have things that irritate us, or need working out, you just have to be prepared to do the hard work, marriage is not easy by any means, even if you are the best of friends and love one another,sometimes it is the little petty things that cause so many problems, in hindsight you realise just how stupid it is to be arguing over those things, but we still do it,I just say don't give up yet sweetheart,there sounds like a lot worth saving in your marriage.

And personally for us we found the first few years our hardest, we were older though and i already had a child from a previous marriage, so there were other things that came in to it, we were both set in our ways and had to become used to each other.

I don't really know the depth of your problems and i am not going to pry, that is personal,but they don't sound to serious from what you have shared with us.

I once remember watching a Dr Phil episode, he actually said it only takes one person in a relationship to make changes, i always thought it took two also, but if that person makes changes, then the other automatically does as well, responding to you.

I hope you do try to give your marriage another chance,with all the other things going on, it is also contributing to the strain in your marriage, remember that, and even if he does not go to counselling you keep at it, it will help you no matter what decisions are made.

I am thinking of you and hoping things improve on both fronts, take care and giant hugs.