Well today is the day, and i am a bunch of nerves as you can imagine, did not sleep very well, and feeling sick to the stomach, but i did manage to eat something, surprisingly enough, headache from hell, all the usual things that go along with this terrible ordeal ahead.

I managed to get Ash to eat two tiny morsels of mince last night, i could not believe that he ate it, but in two days that is not enough to keep him going, he is still drinking though and peeing, just once a day and in the litter box, my sweet boy he is.

Last night he amazed me again, as weak as he must be feeling he ran upstairs to be with Melissa, he often used to go up with her and sleep on her bed, and that is what he did for part of the night, Melissa was very upset last night,she had her young man over and he is also a great animal lover having two dogs and three kitties at home, so understands, i was glad of the extra support for her, i did not pill Ash last night as i did not have the heart to bring him down and away from Melissa, it was the first time he had purred in three days,and he was all snuggled into her legs, and they were both asleep,he did come down not long after that my husband said and had a drink.

I still felt torn between whether to go ahead, especially as he is still so aware of everything going on around him, he looks up at me when i call his name, but does not come to me anymore, and he is not as weak in his back legs as two days ago, but i think that day he must have been de-hydrated as he was not drinking,however i know that he is slowly starving to death, and i cannot let him do that,i still think it is for his best to let him go today, and 99 per cent sure i will be doing that.

Please be with me in spirit, i am going to be an absolute mess,hardest thing i have ever had to do, and worst day in my life.