coming here has helped me so much, i knew here i would have the support and understanding i so much need right now, every time i read your posts i cry ,but they are good tears if you know what i mean.
Did not sleep well last night, got up at 1.20 am to check on Ash, he had moved off the couch and was sitting awake on the floor, i gave him pats and tried with food, but alas no luck ,he ate nothing yesterday, and today is the same, but damn it ,i won't give up trying, i hate bothering him, he just wants to be left alone, but i have to at least try, he did drink though,his spirit is broken, i can just tell, he has not much fight left in him now.
I was regretting getting up because then he started pacing up and down the room wanting outside, however after about 5mins he went over to the litter box and did a big pee, i was so proud of my ole fella, you see Ash is not accustomed to using litter boxes, but he was so good, and also i thought well he cannot be too de-hydrated, that was the only one he did.
Today he just wants to sit in the driveway, he really does not like me giving him attention, he just cannot be bothered with pats and loves, but i do my best and try to give him some when he will tolerate it, i know it is his mouth that is the problem, and i know it is because of the kidney failure, i felt long time ago, it would be his mouth that would take him out before the kidney failure,if you know what i mean.
I was not keen to pill him last night, as i thought i should just leave him in peace, it has always been a struggle and stress for him and us, but my husband convinced me we should, luckily it went well, i know how sick he is because he did not put up much of a fight, they must be helping him somewhat though as he was not near as weak today in his back legs, considering his lack of food and condition.
I have tried everything possible, all cat food ,biscuits, baby food,cat milk, mince ,chicken,even some smoked snapper, but he just sniffs and walks away,i have always found feeding him a challenge over the last 19mths, but stuck with it, doing anything to get him to eat, and it paid off,but this time is different and i know that, sadly there is not going to be a miracle, i know that.
I was amazed at him this morning though i brought him inside as i do everytime my daughter and husband leave in the car as he has been a bit slack at getting out of the way for some time now,and i had shut him in,but the middle door got opened and he still could not get outside, except he went into the bathroom window and jumped out, and it is quite a height, was worried he would hurt himself, but he is fine, could not believe he had enough energy to even do that,he is a strong ole boy for sure.
Yes i hope the passing will be peaceful, i am concerned because when i went with my friend Jane for her kitty, they had trouble getting the needle in, it was very distressing, i could not bear that , if it happened again and to my Ash, i would want to run away and take him home again.
I had always planned to have a nice box all ready for Ash, but had not done it yet, as it felt wrong to do with him still going so strong, now i have nothing prepared, i guess i will find something, but i want it to be special for my ole guy,Ash will always be with me, i have his pic on my mobile, and will treasure it forever, i have a nice place picked out for him under the a pretty bush in the garden, he often used to sit there, and i see it every time i go outside,feels weird talking about this with him still here, but one just feels the need to share.
It is going to be another tough day ahead and tomorrow will be even worse, i think this is the worst part of it all, i am sure when Ash has passed there will be sadness but relief too , i am sure you know what i mean by that.
Again thanks for your kindness, it means the world to me right now.
Here are two pics of my lovely ole boy, taking just two days ago, the pics do him justice, he is half the kitty he used to be, but at least in these pics he does not look too bad,although if you look in my siggy you will see what Ash used to look like a big healthy rotund pussy cat, sad to see him waste away like this, but that is the damn nature of this illness.
❤️❤️
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