Ash's time has come.....

[momcat]

Carole,
Even when we know time is running out, I'm not sure we can prepare ourselves for such a loss. Like your other PT friends, I too am praying for that miracle. If that's not to be, take comfort in knowing that because of you Ash knew nothing but unconditional love and the life that every kitty deserves. Keep him in your heart always.

Sending gentle lovies to sweet Ash and many [[[[[HUGS]]]]] to you.

[astrid]

I'm so sorry for the sad news
It's so sad for us, humans, to let our babies go but that's what's best for them since they're suffering.
Ash has had a beautiful life, full of love and joy thanks to you and he knows it, he'll always remember that and he'll always be watching over you.

Big hugs to you and my best wishes for a peaceful passing for little Ash.

[carole]

coming here has helped me so much, i knew here i would have the support and understanding i so much need right now, every time i read your posts i cry ,but they are good tears if you know what i mean.

Did not sleep well last night, got up at 1.20 am to check on Ash, he had moved off the couch and was sitting awake on the floor, i gave him pats and tried with food, but alas no luck ,he ate nothing yesterday, and today is the same, but damn it ,i won't give up trying, i hate bothering him, he just wants to be left alone, but i have to at least try, he did drink though,his spirit is broken, i can just tell, he has not much fight left in him now.

I was regretting getting up because then he started pacing up and down the room wanting outside, however after about 5mins he went over to the litter box and did a big pee, i was so proud of my ole fella, you see Ash is not accustomed to using litter boxes, but he was so good, and also i thought well he cannot be too de-hydrated, that was the only one he did.

Today he just wants to sit in the driveway, he really does not like me giving him attention, he just cannot be bothered with pats and loves, but i do my best and try to give him some when he will tolerate it, i know it is his mouth that is the problem, and i know it is because of the kidney failure, i felt long time ago, it would be his mouth that would take him out before the kidney failure,if you know what i mean.

I was not keen to pill him last night, as i thought i should just leave him in peace, it has always been a struggle and stress for him and us, but my husband convinced me we should, luckily it went well, i know how sick he is because he did not put up much of a fight, they must be helping him somewhat though as he was not near as weak today in his back legs, considering his lack of food and condition.

I have tried everything possible, all cat food ,biscuits, baby food,cat milk, mince ,chicken,even some smoked snapper, but he just sniffs and walks away,i have always found feeding him a challenge over the last 19mths, but stuck with it, doing anything to get him to eat, and it paid off,but this time is different and i know that, sadly there is not going to be a miracle, i know that.

I was amazed at him this morning though i brought him inside as i do everytime my daughter and husband leave in the car as he has been a bit slack at getting out of the way for some time now,and i had shut him in,but the middle door got opened and he still could not get outside, except he went into the bathroom window and jumped out, and it is quite a height, was worried he would hurt himself, but he is fine, could not believe he had enough energy to even do that,he is a strong ole boy for sure.

Yes i hope the passing will be peaceful, i am concerned because when i went with my friend Jane for her kitty, they had trouble getting the needle in, it was very distressing, i could not bear that , if it happened again and to my Ash, i would want to run away and take him home again.

I had always planned to have a nice box all ready for Ash, but had not done it yet, as it felt wrong to do with him still going so strong, now i have nothing prepared, i guess i will find something, but i want it to be special for my ole guy,Ash will always be with me, i have his pic on my mobile, and will treasure it forever, i have a nice place picked out for him under the a pretty bush in the garden, he often used to sit there, and i see it every time i go outside,feels weird talking about this with him still here, but one just feels the need to share.

It is going to be another tough day ahead and tomorrow will be even worse, i think this is the worst part of it all, i am sure when Ash has passed there will be sadness but relief too , i am sure you know what i mean by that.

Again thanks for your kindness, it means the world to me right now.

Here are two pics of my lovely ole boy, taking just two days ago, the pics do him justice, he is half the kitty he used to be, but at least in these pics he does not look too bad,although if you look in my siggy you will see what Ash used to look like a big healthy rotund pussy cat, sad to see him waste away like this, but that is the damn nature of this illness.

[ChrisH]

Oh, Carole, lots of les here. Such a sad and hard time for you. Prayers and love going out for you both.

[slick]

Oh Carole, I really hate to say this but in those pictures, he looks like he's given up. I don't see any will to live. I know it's going to hurt you to read that but I saw this all too well in Max in the days before I helped him to the Bridge. I found that even before Max left me, I was browsing Petfinder just to see....and I felt guilty for doing that. Don't feel bad for getting your "ducks in a row". Preparation is necessary and oh so hard to do. I'm glad you've picked out a nice spot for him - I'm sure he will be very happy there and will watch over you. When he gets to the Bridge he will be whole again - his tired old, weak body will be restored to the Ash you knew before.

I was right where you are now and I hurts more than words can say. I feel your pain and taste your tears. Cry, cry and cry some more if you must but take comfort in knowing that we are here and understand and we "get it." You are putting Ash first and are doing what's best for him. He knows you love him.

{{{big hugs}}} slick xoxo

[momoffuzzyfaces]

My heart aches for you. I know how yours is being ripped out right now. Letting Leonardo go was the hardest thing I've ever had to do but it was best for him.
Prayers for you both.

[lizbud]

I am so sorry this is happening with your boy Ash. Being so close
emotionaly with our pets, we can tell when the light goes off in their
eyes. You know they are in pain. I truly believe it is the last kindness
we can ever do for them is to help them to pass peacefully. Will keep you
and Ash in my prayers at this sad time.

[jennielynn1970]

Oh Carole, I'm so sorry to be reading that it will soon be Ash's time to go to the Bridge. He looks like such a sweet old soul. I will be thinking of the both of you. HUGS and give Ash some pats and lovies for me.

[carole]

Thank you, i know i have made the right call now, it has been going on in my mind, should I , should I not, but I know it is time to let my ole guy go peacefully,he deserves to leave earth in peace and with dignity, and that is the way i want it to be.

I am going to find it so weird without him, he has taken up so much of my time, looking after him, time that i had, and gave with love,it is hard looking after a terminally ill kitty,such a rollercoaster ride, and full of emotions,sadness, anger,impatience , you name it, i have felt it,but i don't regret one bit of it, and I am gonna miss him so much, thank goodness i have three other furbabies to help me through it all,and of course all my dear PT friends,my husband Steve who has helped me with everything.,and been there when i have needed a shoulder to cry on.,guess i am going to be needing his shoulder big time on Saturday.

Slick i understand exactly what you are saying, yes i too see that his spirit has broken, he has given up,and i have no qualms about my decision now, and that makes it just a little more bearable, yes i have cried buckets already, i went for my shower and howled and howled, i had to stop i was feeling dizzy,but there are still more to come for sure, but hopefully when he has passed i will get peace too, i am sure i will,I have to say Slick i am so sorry you lost Max, i somehow missed that thread, i knew he was not doing well, and had been responding to you, but somehow i missed that, i feel awful, please accept my condolences, i know how much it has hurt you, and it is still very painful for you, HUGS to you and healing times ahead.

People who do not know the love of animals, are so missing out, i look at my little furbabies and it amazes me how we humans can love them so much, but hey how could we not,those who don't are missing out big time in their lives for sure.

But then comes this time and it hurts like you know what,but even so i would not have missed out on all those ten years or so of experiencing that love with my Ash.

I found this on Tanyas UK feline chronic renal failure site, it sums it up so well for me.

"We who choose to surround ourselves with lives

even more temporary than our own

live within a fragile circle,

easily and often breached.

Unable to accept its awful gaps, we still would live no other way.

We cherish memory as the only certain immortality,

never fully understanding the necessary plan."

Irving Townsend "The Once Again Prince"