Our PT joke thread

[lvpets2002]

Yup Wom I can see you have returned.. Good Jokes.. Keep them coming..

[wombat2u2004]

An old prospector shuffled into the town of El Indio , Texas leading an old tired mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to clear his parched throat. He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?" The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance... Never really wanted to."

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna' dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet. The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet. Everybody was laughing, fit to be tied.

When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon. The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air.

The crowd stopped laughing immediately. The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.

The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said, "Son, have you ever kissed a mule's ass?"

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir..... But... I've always wanted to."


There are two lessons for us all here:


Don't waste ammunition.

Don't mess with old people.

[lvpets2002]

Good Wom.. Now you forgot to say Lesson #3 Is Also Dont Mess With Texans..

An old prospector shuffled into the town of El Indio , Texas leading an old tired mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to clear his parched throat. He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?" The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance... Never really wanted to."

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna' dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet. The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet. Everybody was laughing, fit to be tied.

When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon. The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air.

The crowd stopped laughing immediately. The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.

The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said, "Son, have you ever kissed a mule's ass?"

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir..... But... I've always wanted to."


There are two lessons for us all here:


Don't waste ammunition.

Don't mess with old people.

[wombat2u2004]

Good Wom.. Now you forgot to say Lesson #3 Is Also Dont Mess With Texans..

You heard the one about the Texan tourist who went to Australia for a holiday ????
He was on a bus trip in the outback with a bunch of Aussies.

All of a sudden, they passed a herd of cattle.
Texan: "What are those things ????"
Aussie: "Oh, they are probably Herefords or some kind of beef cattle."
Texan: "Yer kiddin.....we got longhorns in Texas twice the size of those."

The bus drives on further.
All of a sudden, they passed a herd of sheep.
Texan: "What on Gods earth are they ???"
Aussie: "Sheep, they are our prime wool sheep."
Texan: "You gotta be jokin pardner, we've sheep in Texas that make your sheep look like dwarfs."

The bus drives on further.
All of a sudden, a kangaroo bounds past the bus.
Texan: "Doggone, what in hell was that ??"
Aussie: Probably just one of our field mice."

[wombat2u2004]

A man and his wife moved back home to Newfoundland, from Toronto.

The wife had a wooden leg and to insure it in Ontario was $2000.00 a year!

When they arrived in Newfoundland, they went to an Insurance agency

to see how much it would cost to insure the wooden leg.

The agent looked it up on the computer and said to the couple, '$39.00.'



The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap here in

Newfoundland to insure, because it cost him $2000.00 in Ontario !


The agent turned his computer screen to the couple and said, 'Well, here it
is on the screen, it says:

*Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system over it, is $39.00.*

[wombat2u2004]

SCAM FOR OLDER MEN - BEWARE





Clever Scam - taking advantage of older men

Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it. This will only become more commonplace...

A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular Home Hardware, Home Depot, Canadian Tire or Costco customers, this one caught me by surprise.

Over the last month, I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends. Here's how the scam works...

Two seriously good-looking 20-something girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to McDonalds.

You agree and they get into the back seat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen September 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th,17th, 20th, 24th, & 29th. Also October 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th & 28th, three times last Monday and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

So tell your friends to be careful. What a horrible way to take advantage of older men. Warn your friends to be vigilant. Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found cheaper ones for $1.99 at Zellers and bought them out.

Also, you never will get to eat at McDonalds. I've already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth to Home Hardware, Home Depot,Canadian Tire and Costco.

[Grace]

Yearly Exam

I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. The nurse started with certain basics.

“How much do you weight?” she asked.
“145,” I said. The nurse put me on the scale. It turns out my weight is 190.

The nurse asked, “Your height?” “5 foot 8,” I said.
The nurse checked and saw that I only measure 5’6”.

She then took my blood pressure and told me that it is very high.

“Of course it’s high!” I screamed, “When I came in here I was tall and slender! Now I am short and fat!”

She put me on Prozac.

What a bitch!