Kitty Aboose! Need Legal Help!

[pomtzu]

Ahem - may we have the attention of all cats here please???

Myndi and Sparky (the dogs) here, to give all you kitties a different perspective, especially you Miss Pinot!

Hey there girl - you got to stay home and have the run of the house all to yourself this weekend. How bad can that be - huh?? Mom has told us of a place called a boarding kennel, and some cats and dogs have to go there when their hoomans go away. We've never been to one of these places, but Mom says they put you in a cage, and feed you food that you aren't accustomed to and at times you're not accustomed to either. If you're lucky, you might get a pat on the head, but don't expect too much more. And there's lots of other cats and dogs there too - so forget having any privacy. And oh - all that barking at all hours of the day and night - never a minute of peace.

At least you have someone to come to your house to take care of you. Mom also told us that she knows of some hoomans leaving their cats home by themselves for a few days. Oh - they don't go hungry or anything, since they are left lots and lots of kibble and water. However, that indoor kitty toilet gets pretty darn full and smelly by the time the hoomans get back home, and there's no one to cuddle with, or to meow to either.

So before any of you think about taking legal action here, remember how lucky you are. The tables might turn and you could all be charged with meewtiny.

Carry on kitties...............

[Barbara]

Hi Pinot my friend. While I support all of your actions I must admit that things are very good here now. I am a single cat now, you know and for some reasons that has improved the service a lot.
If there really are problems I recommend the following (I appreciate Groucho's lawyer skills- but why not try first in a friendly way):
Just go to your human's bed at 2 pm. You may want to stand aon their brest and purr up a Storm.
Second step: If they do not listen sit down close by their face and pat their eyelids. You may add a single claw (tenderly please if needed,
Third step (I never had to go further than that): Get on the nightstand and throw down paw by paw what's on there- meowmie's ring, the alarm clock- then begin to push the lamp.
My daddy will know by then I'm really hungry
Yours in crime
Filou

[catmandu]

Hi Pinot this is Tubster Panther!
When I want something to eat I find that landing near but not on Dad makes him nove toward the dinner plate!!
But I am 22 Pounds so I make a good thud!!!

Good Luck with Your Meeowmie!!

[Edwina's Secretary]

Dear Pinot,

I was working on a technique I am perfecting this morning. Let me share it with you...

Wait until your purrson is lying on her back. Jump on the bladder. Now here is the good part...back feet on bladder area...weight on back feet launch forward and make bisquits on the throat area. Be sure and hit that boney area.

Back to full weight on the bladder.

Repeat a few times.

If you still need more...remain on the bladder area but try various different position...constantly moving about. Maybe even lift a leg to clean that really hard to reach spot. This concentrates the pressure if done correctly.

My breakfast tuna was very good.

Effectively,

Edwina

[sirrahbed]

sirrahkitties here - we are NOT allowed to read here because our mom says we might get ideas... quick!!! wut is wet food??? we are conf/////////////////////////////

[Pinot's Mom]

Thank you all for your ideas! I'll look forward to trying some now that my purrents FINALLY came home!! I've tried the knocking the lamp off the bedside table trick, that one is pretty effective!

Groucho came by this weekend to make sure I didn't starve; he managed to smuggle in some good stuff. He had to hide when Vicky the catsitter came in, though, or she'd get suspicous. We discussed the class action suit - he'll have to make more visits to gather evidence from the other kitties. Don't worry, kitties, we'll get these hoomins in line!

[momcat]

All I can say to our kitties is to read the post from the puppy dogs about the boarding shelters. It's a great reality check. But I digress.....

Groucho got home from Pinot's a short while ago so full of fried chicken and crab legs he barely touched his food dish. While not providing any specifics, Groucho said there is much to do. He is on his cell phone with a few of his cohorts from Cat Court trying to figure out the best way to proceed. All I know so far is there will be a meeting with two of the judges to discuss the pros and cons of a class action. Fellow purrents, I'll let you know what I hear.
But I think the cause is quite clear..... In ancient times cats were worshiped as gods, cats have never forgotten this!

[slick]

My HUmAn dIdN't GeT HOmE UnTiL 9:00pM ToNigHt!!!!!!! I Wuz StArvInG!!!! AlL ShE GaVe Me WuZ ONe LiTTLe HeLpInG oF Wet Fud An NoW She"s On Da Puter........

I NeEd HeLp..............

StArVInGlY YoURs
MAx

[Pinot's Mom]

sirrahkitties here - we are NOT allowed to read here because our mom says we might get ideas... quick!!! wut is wet food??? we are conf/////////////////////////////

I think there's a problem here! Sirrahkitties are being censored!! ...and they don't know what WET FOOD is??? Horrors!

Poor Max! 9pm! Definite aboose....you've got to be part of the class action!

Note to Edwina: I tried a different approach and LAUNCHED from the bladder area - it works rather well, too!

Talk to you all soon! Pinot

[catmandu]

Thats terrible Max!
If Our Dad comes home late , he ALWAYS brings us home a Kitty Bag!

Last time it was Chicken Breasts!!!
We wish we could air mail you some Max , you are a Good Senior Kittyzen!!

[momcat]

Max, call me or send me an e-mail right away. I have to ask you a few more questions so we can start investigating your situation.

Your friend,
Groucho the Lawyer
Practice Limited to Kitty Krimes and Aboose

[cassiesmom]

Max, call me or send me an e-mail right away. I have to ask you a few more questions so we can start investigating your situation.

Your friend,
Groucho the Lawyer
Practice Limited to Kitty Krimes and Aboose

Dear Groucho,

I heard my meowmie on the fellytone today talking to grandmeowmie. What is a weekend? Anyway, they were saying something about going to Galena this weekend to see the fall colors. I don't know exactly where Galena is or why fall colors are so important to see, but I do know this - last time meowmie went there all I had to eat was kibbles for a couple of days. No pre-breakfast, no breakfast, and no dinner. Can you put a stop to my meowmie leaving me? I don't want her to go away and not be able to feed me when I tell her to.

Thank you,
Cassie

[momcat]

Dear Cassie,
For some reason, hoomins like to call Saturday and Sunday the weekend maybe because lots of them don't have to leave us alone and go to work on those days. This time of year all the trees and stuff turn lots of nice colors and hoomins really like that. But as we both know, hoomins can be hard to figure out sometimes.

Now for your situation. Do I understand correctly that your Meowmie has left you all alone before to go see leaf colors with nothing for you to eat but dry food? Tell you what, I'll pm your Meowmie to see if we can reach an out of court agreement about this. Turn your cell phone on, I'll be in touch.

Your friend,
Groucho the Lawyer
Practice Limited to Kitty Krimes and Aboose

[cassiesmom]

Dear Cassie,
For some reason, hoomins like to call Saturday and Sunday the weekend maybe because lots of them don't have to leave us alone and go to work on those days. This time of year all the trees and stuff turn lots of nice colors and hoomins really like that. But as we both know, hoomins can be hard to figure out sometimes.

Now for your situation. Do I understand correctly that your Meowmie has left you all alone before to go see leaf colors with nothing for you to eat but dry food? Tell you what, I'll pm your Meowmie to see if we can reach an out of court agreement about this. Turn your cell phone on, I'll be in touch.

Your friend,
Groucho the Lawyer
Practice Limited to Kitty Krimes and Aboose

She did, Groucho, really. She left me with dry food and water. But you know what, she felt sooooooo guilty when she got home and saw me - it hasn't happened since! Grandmeowmie called early this morning and said she doesn't think the Galena trip is on after all. Meowmie has fall cleaning to do anyway (don't tell her I told you), so it looks like I'm all right.

[slick]

MomCat:
I'Ve EmAiLed You! I HaVe To Say Dat sHe wAs Gud to Me YeSteRDay. sHe Staid HomE From WuRk Cuz sHe Wuzn't FeeLiNg Gud. We Slept ALl Day toGethEr. It Wuz NicE.