Things are great, but.. ? [relationship question]

[Pinot's Mom]

It would be a problem for me. Not because I do or don't feel loved, or the like. But, because it is, to me an indicator that there are problems in the area of emotional health, and these problems do not go away on their own.

I agree with you; it would be a problem with underlying issues that need to be resolved.

[CountryWolf07]

I agree with you; it would be a problem with underlying issues that need to be resolved.

How would I exactly go around with this problem, then? I've tried talking - it isn't easy for him to speak out how he feels and whatnot and I think it's time he needs to tell me, since I have a lot of change(s) coming up - family relocating within a year or two to Florida, and that's a lot on my mind to think about later on down the road. I just don't really understand him emotionally on HOW he is sometimes, and you know, he is a very different guy, it's as if he has no idea how to be in a relationship once in a while.

[Cookiebaker]

Hey Rachel, there was a book I read a while ago, and though its talking specifically about marriage relationships, I think it might apply in your situation. Its called 'The Five Love Languages', and basically the premise is that the best relationships happen when you can read each others 'Love Language'.

The five different languages are: Words of affirmation (what you are looking for), Quality Time, Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical touch.

So while you may be a person who's love language is words of affirmation, Mike could have a completely different love language. Does he desire to spend a lot of quality time with you? Does he bring you small gifts?

Just because he hasn't ever said the three little words out loud, he very well could be communicating to you through actions or touch or spending time with you.

For me, my love language is Words of Affirmation, but Mark's language is Acts of Service. I know that when Mark gets up and makes the bed, or brings me coffee, or opens a door for me, he is saying in his own way that he loves me. So to communicate, sometimes I have to jump over into mark's love language of choice to understand him, and sometimes he needs to jump over into mine.

I hope that helps, and that you can figure this all out. Relationships can be SO complicated sometimes! But no, I don't think that just because he hasn't said the 3 little words don't mean there are necessarily underlying problems in your relationship. Sometimes seeing a counselor can help you get things ironed out and on a better communicating level.

ETA: http://marriage.about.com/cs/communi...velanguage.htm This is a really great synopsis of the book.

[Pinot's Mom]

"Sometimes seeing a counselor can help you get things ironed out and on a better communicating level."

That's exactly the resolution I was alluding to, but I was trying not to sound too much like Dear Abby! I hope you can figure this out.

[kokopup]

The fact that you are asking the question tells me in your heart you know the answer. I know that some guys have problems with saying the words, and if it were just the lack of words I would not worry. The most intimate thing a guy can do is hold your hand. if he is not doing this then he has a real problem showing affection. Don't confuse sex and affection. If he is not after 3 years wanting to hold your hand when you walk, then he will never give you the affection that you really need. An experienced males 2 cent worth.

[Daisy and Delilah]

This is a tough one, Rachel. It sounds like it might irritate him if you address it again. Trying to pull myself back and look at the fact that all people are different, it might be best to leave it alone.
When you say he's a very different guy, to me, it sounds like you are accepting him the way he is. That is probably a good thing, knowing how you feel about him. It might be impossible for him to say those words to anybody(to you or his family). Somehow, I can understand this.

I know you've been waiting for this for a very long time. I believe Mike really does love you and you mean the world to him. If you can, try to believe that in your heart and leave it be for fear of causing conflict. One day, I think Mike will come around. He knows you're waiting for him but it's just too difficult for him right now.

Forgive me if I should already know this answer but, are you moving with the family when they come to Florida? What are you and Mike planning together for the move?

You know I always wish you both the very best.

[CountryWolf07]

This is a tough one, Rachel. It sounds like it might irritate him if you address it again. Trying to pull myself back and look at the fact that all people are different, it might be best to leave it alone.
When you say he's a very different guy, to me, it sounds like you are accepting him the way he is. That is probably a good thing, knowing how you feel about him. It might be impossible for him to say those words to anybody(to you or his family). Somehow, I can understand this.

I know you've been waiting for this for a very long time. I believe Mike really does love you and you mean the world to him. If you can, try to believe that in your heart and leave it be for fear of causing conflict. One day, I think Mike will come around. He knows you're waiting for him but it's just too difficult for him right now.

Forgive me if I should already know this answer but, are you moving with the family when they come to Florida? What are you and Mike planning together for the move?

You know I always wish you both the very best.

Thank you! It's odd, he's committed to me, but yet can't really talk about relationships, something about it makes him uncomfortable. He doesn't get irritated, more uncomfortable about it. You would think he'd be open after almost three years. I don't know. I guess I am gonna drop it and leave it alone. I don't know yet about FL, I may move, I'm not sure because Mike isn't really helping me out here. I do have at least a year or so to figure this out, though. I know in my hear the does love me, and that's all I know as of right now. I know that I have already accepted him for who he is, but I do hope he will come around eventually and surprise me one of these days. So, whatever happens, happens.

Thanks everyone, I have taken my time to read each of your posts, and I just had my own thinking session about it, and you know, you all have a point. I know how I feel, I know how he feels, everyone is different on how they are in their relationships. I appreciate it!