Things are great, but.. ? [relationship question]

[CountryWolf07]

Does he send you cards on your birthday or Valentine's Day, that have a message of love? Maybe he just can't say it. If you've been together for 3 years, and he shows love in his actions, I think it would be pretty safe to say that he most likely does. However, I'm like you - I like to hear the words to go along with the actions.
Maybe he's saving it for the day he proposes to you.

No cards on Valentine's Day or flowers/gifts, anything like that really. Birthday cards, yes, but not with "love" on them, but just humorous cards, signs it with his name, that's all. I don't know, he's just a very different guy. We don't hold hands, etc. any like of the normal couples you'd see out there in public, but you know we are together, by how we act and walk together, etc. I honestly think he's afraid of a lot of things - especially when it comes to admitting/opening up on feelings/emotions. Just wish he'd realize it is OK to do that stuff.

[lvpets2002]

I have had the same man in my life for 13 years now.. We dont say the words to each other.. However we know we love each other in our hearts.. Some people just cant say the words -but do love you.. Some people say the words & they dont mean it & that is worse.. You will know in your heart that your Mike loves you..

[Lori Jordan]

This could relate back to when he was a child.I could be 100% wrong too so please dont take this the wrong way.I have seen alot of my friends,even family,That there family never ever said those three words,And when you never hear them it could be hard to say "I Love You".I myself rarely ever heard it from my mother,I have never had a problem saying it but some might.I have seen alot over my years of this.Its not that he does not love you,I dont think any of us could be with someone we did not feel for.

Just observe a bit maybe and see how the interaction with his parents are,When you are not shown or have not heard the words in some cases it maybe hard to say them to someone else,Me and my mother had a a rocky relationship when i was growing up,Same from my grandfather he never said it But i knew he did just the way he was with me.I know these arnt examples from relationships with the opposite sex,But that could be his problem.


I have read your posts about him and you,There is no doubt in my mind that he does love you,You can see it!.But i also know how much it means to me when my husband tells me he loves me,Everything else just disapears.Talk to him,Tell him how your feeling,When you are with someone you should be able to talk to them about anything.Even if you or the spouse dont like what there hearing.

[Cataholic]

It would be a problem for me. Not because I do or don't feel loved, or the like. But, because it is, to me an indicator that there are problems in the area of emotional health, and these problems do not go away on their own.

[Pinot's Mom]

It would be a problem for me. Not because I do or don't feel loved, or the like. But, because it is, to me an indicator that there are problems in the area of emotional health, and these problems do not go away on their own.

I agree with you; it would be a problem with underlying issues that need to be resolved.

[CountryWolf07]

I agree with you; it would be a problem with underlying issues that need to be resolved.

How would I exactly go around with this problem, then? I've tried talking - it isn't easy for him to speak out how he feels and whatnot and I think it's time he needs to tell me, since I have a lot of change(s) coming up - family relocating within a year or two to Florida, and that's a lot on my mind to think about later on down the road. I just don't really understand him emotionally on HOW he is sometimes, and you know, he is a very different guy, it's as if he has no idea how to be in a relationship once in a while.

[Cookiebaker]

Hey Rachel, there was a book I read a while ago, and though its talking specifically about marriage relationships, I think it might apply in your situation. Its called 'The Five Love Languages', and basically the premise is that the best relationships happen when you can read each others 'Love Language'.

The five different languages are: Words of affirmation (what you are looking for), Quality Time, Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical touch.

So while you may be a person who's love language is words of affirmation, Mike could have a completely different love language. Does he desire to spend a lot of quality time with you? Does he bring you small gifts?

Just because he hasn't ever said the three little words out loud, he very well could be communicating to you through actions or touch or spending time with you.

For me, my love language is Words of Affirmation, but Mark's language is Acts of Service. I know that when Mark gets up and makes the bed, or brings me coffee, or opens a door for me, he is saying in his own way that he loves me. So to communicate, sometimes I have to jump over into mark's love language of choice to understand him, and sometimes he needs to jump over into mine.

I hope that helps, and that you can figure this all out. Relationships can be SO complicated sometimes! But no, I don't think that just because he hasn't said the 3 little words don't mean there are necessarily underlying problems in your relationship. Sometimes seeing a counselor can help you get things ironed out and on a better communicating level.

ETA: http://marriage.about.com/cs/communi...velanguage.htm This is a really great synopsis of the book.