Quote Originally Posted by engsohere View Post
Now I feel if I let him go I let him down and I let myself down. I just know what I'm doing isn't right and if things don't improve the cycle will just repeat over and over. I can't give or receive love unless it's in my heart, and I know right now I don't have it in my heart to love him back.
You're not just letting yourself down, you're letting your cat down as well. If this continues, the time will come when he'll stop coming to you for food or attention or anything at all. He'll run away and possibly get hit by a car or someone may get ahold of him and abuse him even worse than you have. Or even worse, he may turn on you and give back what you've been giving to him.

The problem did NOT begin when your cat vomited a few times; it began before then inside you. The problem is not w/your cat, it's w/you. Find a home for your cat NOW and stop making excuses for your behavior and for your failure to find him a home. Neglect is just as bad as abuse. I won't tell you again to get help for yourself because you deny needing help. Very well. You don't deny that your cat needs help. SO GIVE IT TO HIM!